I hate when my mother asks me to do things for her. Part of what I hate is the way she asks - she thinks that by prefacing an instruction with "Please" she can turn it into a polite request. It just sounds to me like a politely-phrased order, like she's addressing a member of her staff.
I've been helping her for 5 years and it still ticks me off as much as it did on day 1. From the beginning, my intention was to do for her whatever I was moved to do by caring and concern for her. In other words, it would come from me, from the love and compassion I felt for her.
I soon found out she had a different idea. She doesn't want me to take care of her. She wants to take care of herself with me as her instrument. I hate that.
I have confronted her about this many times, but the truth is she just doesn't get it. She can't grasp the idea that I resent her trying to assert control over me, because in her mind, she is in control and she has every right to be. In her mind, I am there to serve her needs.
It's true that if given my choice I would not do half of what I now do for her. But I'd feel better about doing it, and I'd like her a whole lot more.
Can anyone relate?