I found my grandparents' wills but inheritance not received. How do I get closure?

You could get mom for the car, since she would have lied to the court that there was no one the car was left to. It is your call

If the items are not still available and I imagine they are not you just need to work on forgiving your mom for her actions, holding onto anger only damages you. Your mom probably doesn’t even remember that she did this. So as the song in Frozen goes, “let it go”. I hope you find the peace of forgiveness and letting go.

Sad, do you have proof that your Mom took the money and the car? Was she using the car or sold it? Did you see in increase in spending by your Mom?

Chances are the money was spent on your grandparents care. Getting older is not cheap. I know it was a real eye opener when my parents needed help. It was costing my Mom $12,000 each month to be in long-term-care, and at that rate it can empty the best planned rainy day fund. Heck, $2,000 could be used up in just Depends products alone.

Or your grandparents could have written a new Will and never tore up the old one. If one of my relatives had gotten their hands on my parents previous Will it would have been a nightmare as that Will was filled with what I call landminds. Dad was giving away stock to various relatives, most of whom had since passed and the Will didn't say if one had passed then it is divided equally to the remaining relatives. That meant I would have had to search for heirs of relatives I never knew, and probably heirs my parents never met. Whew, glad they updated their Wills.

Therefore, many different things could have happen.

Did your mother ever probate the will (in court) to pass out what was in the will? Maybe not. Where is the car? Someone ended up with it and perhaps the title is not even changed.
Consider the value of the car plus the $2K - is it worth taking the will to probate court to pass out the assets listed?

Let it go! This all happened years ago. Sad that your mother was selfish, but holding onto resentments only hurts you! Also our parents and grandparents are not our piggy banks!

Sad, your profile says that your mom is 54. Is that correct?

Your Grandparent is still living in the nursing home, so what ever was your grandpa's is still her's unless she singed it over to you before going into the nursing home. Most states that elderly need medicaid for the Long term care have a five years look back, and they would consider that a gift.

All I can say I went through the same thing when my parents passed away. My sisters took everything that belonged to me, To get closure, Just let it be and move on. God will bless you with much more

I prayed for my sanity and for patience every day and every night.

You can't beat a dead horse - and your mother won't own up to it now. Be thankful of your other blessings.

My In-Laws had 6 children and ran a family farm. When the kids were little they wrote wills and had that everything was to be divided equally among the children. As everyone got older things changed but the wills remained in place. One son had passed as the result of an accident, Mom had also passed, my husband no longer was working the farm and a sister had moved away with her sons and only spoke with Dad when she needed money. The remaining siblings and Dad created a LLC so that the farm could continue. In the years following Dads passing sister 1 harassed the rest of the family looking for her share, accusing everyone of taking what was hers. That when brother 1 passed her sons were to receive his insurance money, there was none left after Dad paid all his remaining expenses. She still insists that she was robbed. At this time only my husband and one other sibling remain (2 passed within 2 years of each other) leaving youngest sibling & spouse running the farm. Sister 1 is constantly calling and hanging up if phone is answered or leaving long messages with her voice disguised saying she’s an attorney and she should now own 1/3 of everything. Husband and I expect nothing and do what we can to support sibling remaining on the farm. We have a few family mementos and that is enough for us and our family to remember everyone.

I wouldn't jump to thinking mom is a cheat until I did a little more digging. Did the grandparents live at home or a paid facility until they passed? Did they have multiple hospitalizations? Did paid help come to care for them for any portion of their senior lives? Did a family member take on caring for them and get paid? If the answer is "yes" to any of those questions... that is probably where the money went.

Cars do get old and breakdown. We have a 25 year old car... and it is running its last few miles. The older the car, the less it is worth unless granddad/grandmom were car enthusiasts and really took great care of their "classics."

Perhaps Sadexecutor could have a little "fun" by casually mentioning something about needing a new car and "wishing" one would magically appear in her driveway, or the money to buy one showing up in her mailbox unexpectedly. If her mother has dementia, or otherwise can't remember what happened, then this will simply fly over her head. If her mother doesn't, then Sadexecutor can watch her reactions to see if her mother looks uncomfortable with the conversation or has any comments in return (such as volunteering that her grandparents wanted to leave her one except for its having gotten totaled in an accident). This might giver Sadexecutor a bit of necessary catharsis without accusing her mother of anything.

This might be a totally different situation than you might think....when was the will written?  If either of them went into long term care (nursing home) any assets they had may have been liquidated to pay for their care.  Everyone thinks that everything they have worked for their entire lives will be left to their children or grandchildren, but unless they were savvy with how their finances were set up and have things protected, anything of value will get used for their care.

Unless you were really involved in the care of your grandparents and how things went down financially towards the end of their lives, I wouldn't assume that your mom kept your inheritance from you.

My parents, now 94 years old, redid their wills in 2016 in order to make a special needs trust for my sister. At the time, they were cognizant and in total agreement of their wishes. However, they did not even read the final document-I was there at the signing so i know this to be true. Estate was to be divided by 3 -for three siblings-counting the special needs trust for sister. They were trusting me to read over and make sure will was what they wanted-which I did. Six months later my son was diagnosed with cancer and I had to take a step back from being involved in my parents lives as I adjusted to our "new normal". At the same time my parents redid the wills with the "assistance" of the grand-daughter of my sibling.-per the lawyer bill that says she was present at the meeting. I never told my parents I was out of their life-I just needed a break from their special version of crazy and my demanding mother.

Mom has also changed her mind many times about who is to get X-the car, the house, jewelry. None of this was specifically in the will before. Although mom kept telling me now she wanted so and so to get X. I stopped keeping track-it was making me nuts. Lawyer said changes have to be written in the will for it to be legal and executed. But new will now says the two children of sibling are to get a very nice check, the neighbor, housekeeper and yard guy are also now included in the will. My children are not mentioned at all-while knowing that my parents have also contributed financially to support lazy sibling life style and now saying he is to get the house too, our parents have paid towards several of his houses, kids weddings, college, cars, and who knows what else for this sibling and 2 children. I am the one who does the most for parents-driving to appointments, sitting in the ER/hospital, picking up RX, every week for the last few years. Brother can't even come over-lives about 2 miles away and shovel the snow or rake leaves for parents ever.
Now, I am focusing my time and energy on helping my sister with dementia. I have already said my "good bye" to my formerly normal parents. I do what I can when I can for them and that is all.


When I discovered the modified will, I was shocked to say the least. I have already mourned the loss of my "formerly normal" parents. Due to my dad has parkinson's and my mother has gotten even weirder than she already was-very selfish and even wanting to get the inheritance of a disabled cousin who lives in a group home. My mother has all but forgotten about her daughter-my sister with dementia-does not ask to see her or send cards to her or anything. Greedy sibling has not spoken to sister in about 15 years. So he is not at all involved in any way-never will be unless he thinks he would get something from her-cash etc-I am sure he will be asking about this when she passes.

Forgive her. Cherish the fact that your grandparents loved u that much and keep living your life to honor their love.
I learned when I had to move home(2.5 years ago) to care for my dad (who now has dementia) that in my college days ( n80s)he received over $500 per month for me from the VA and never told me, he gave me about 100 per month, anything more required a big conversation.
He paid for my wedding and that was fabulous but I had to buy many of my own items when he should have had it plus some.
He has dementia now so we cannot have a meaningful conversstion or change it!
It still comes to my mind sometimes but there is nothing he can say or do now that will change it even if he did not have dementia.
I still have to be his full-time caretaker with no more than 3-4 hours per day alone time.

I think part of what will help you move on is knowing what happened to the money and the car. It's not easy to just forget about it. One possible way for you to find out is to go to the court house and see if your grandparent's wills were probated. If that was done, then there is a file. It is public record and you will be able to view them and for a small fee, they will make copies for you. The only thing that will not be included would be any account that had a beneficiary listed since those are payable at death to the beneficiary and do not have to be included in the estate settlement. If they had bank accounts or other financial accounts without a beneficiary, I don't know how anyone could have closed those without having the proper paperwork. Same thing with the car. Without proper paperwork, I don't know how a title could have been transferred to someone else if the car was sold, so it's possible the wills were probated and there is a record at the court house.
Depending on how much care your grandparents needed, it is likely there could have been no money to divide with heirs and any assets were sold to pay any expenses they may have incurred in order to settle their estates.

Sorry this happened, but a lot of possible legal things can change what appears to be the facts. Don’t know how we get closure, but happens to a lot of people.
My mother was queen of narcs. I’ll never forget my beloved Nano’s last years. My selfish mother wouldn’t help her even mow the yard, moved my bipolar sister into Nano’s upstairs apartment, figuring sister with two toddlers would care for my Nano. I had three little ones myself. When I expressed concern to my mother, I was told no way did my Nano get to spend her hard earned savings on a nursing home, because that was my mother’s inheritance. Satan’s right hand. I was forbidden to visit my Nano, lest I tell her what my mother was up to. Mother did end up inheriting a boatload of money. I was broken hearted.
When I was a young teen, my mother got pregnant by one of her male friends, married him for less than six months, to get Child support out of him. When the half brother went to college, the father continued support payments voluntarily, though he had no contact, wanting to do right by his child. He did not know he was funding my Narc mother’s fun money, as my brother never saw a penny go towards his tuition, books, nothing. My brother ended up sleeping on my screened porch in Summer. And he was one of two of the favored fair haired children. You can imagine how the family scapegoat, moi, was treated.
Fast forward,, my mother passed away, shortly after her third husband. She did leave a small amount of money, surprisingly, to me. Probably to prevent me challenging the will. My siblings waited to notify me until after they all met at the house and cleaned out everything. I received not so much as a photo. They took the car, truck, two large, expensive boats, gun collection, and on and on. With all their children there, they had a good ole scapegoat fest, making sure all my nieces and nephews were trained in the art. They were all whining about having to share the crumbs with me. It got back to me, through one niece. That was the day I shut the door to my birth family. My life is much more peaceful now.
Until you know, treasure your grandparents’ kindness for wanting to gift you an inheritance. We can’t change our family narcs, but we can take the good and leave the bad.

Sad - I agree with other posters that it is emotionally jarring to learn of the deceit by your own mother. It sucks! Now, move on by venting your anger here. Similar to other past disappointments, this too shall pass. It happened to me too but I won’t share what happened because this is not my post. It is yours. Think about something bad that happened to other people to make you feel better. I know, shallow, but it helps.

Consult an attorney in the matter. There may or may not be other factors which may have superceded the will(s) at their times of death. For instance, if a TOD- Transfer on Death was attached to either the car title or the bank account(s), then that serves as a direct identification of a beneficiary. Direct beneficiaries supercede wills. If the State's Medicaid funding was utilized for the care of one or both of your Grandparents, this too will have a direct impact on the estate and supercede a will. Enlisting an attorney and proceeding with the law, is your only legal avenue to clearing this up.

Sis was severely narcissistic and I was her primary victim and only sibling. I had been appointed executor of parents' estate but sis usurped my position. She died 8-2018 ten years older then me. Found out she stole approximately $100,000 dollars of my inheritance from my parents and still died intestate and insolvent. You don't really get over it. It just takes time. In my case since sis was narcissistic I finally realized she either did not know what she was doing or did not understand that her actions were wrong. She is gone and there is nothing I can do about it but accept who she was and who she wasn't. Despite her actions which I disliked intensely, I loved her. Over the years we did have some good times and fun. I have just learned that there is nothing I can do about it but accept it and go on with my life although it is somewhat difficult missing so much money that was for my retirement and I need.

It's gone. It was years ago, your mother now has dementia. I'm sorry that she did that to you. It was unfair, but now don't make yourself sick over it.

Forgiveness is your only closure, and that will bring you the freedom from the emotional cords that still attach you to your mom. Seek guidance through talk therapy, energy work, EFT/tapping, prayer, writing, or a combination of any of the above that speak to you. best wishes!

My mother has promised me so many things and I just say "thanks mom' b/c I know when she dies and we 'split up' what's left, there won't BE any 'left'.

She WANTED me to read her will, for years, so one day, waiting for her to come home I pulled the thing out and went through it. Pretty standard stuff, she has nothing of value.

But on a sheet of paper, not notarized, dated and just signed by my dad is a statement "B owes trust $1500". No reason why, just that. I called my son who is an attorney and asked him what this was. He called it a 'posthumous FU' and to ignore it unless it had been witnessed and notarized as a codicil to the actual will.

I finally figured out my parents were dinging me for the $1500 my braces cost them 50 years ago. Lovely. I asked YB who is executor to whom should I make the check out and he laughed his head off. Turns out the brother she LIVES with and who is basically her slave, also 'owes the trust' $6000. He doesn't know, YB took the paper and destroyed it and we had a good laugh.

I will just be content if my mother doesn't leave us with debts. I know there's supposedly a life insurance policy, but she very well may have cashed that out. At it's peak I would have inherited $9,875.28.

I expect nothing and won't be surprised when I actually have to pay for some stuff after she dies.

Our parents should not be looked upon as a source of income. What you experienced happens all the time. I'm sorry for you, that was kind of rotten on mom's part not to tell you.

Sad I am going to ask you a question, recently came up at work when people were complaining about the raises we all got the past few years... Would that 2000 really have made a huge difference in your life? Would you have been able to buy a house, or a nice luxury car? And the car,, I assume it was older, and would need upkeep, not a "classic car " that would gain in value and help you buy that private island? I guess if you were 16 and needed a car to go to work, that 2000 would have kept that car running and in gas for a year.? I am not being rude I promise.. but the comment from my coworker really made me think! Now I look at my raises as something nice but not really needed to improve my life. It is water under the bridge at this point,, your mom probably can't explain any longer, and may have needed that money for their care. I hope you can let this go.

Were your grandparents ever in the nursing home? If so, that’s one reason you wouldn’t have gotten money. Also, did they have enough life insurance money to bury themselves? Maybe there was no money left. Who died 1st? Like someone else said, maybe there were two wills. My parents re-did a will and never tore the 1st one up. Someone just stepping in could easily think they got left out.

When my Dad died, mom didn’t even have the will probated until 9 years later. If you can’t probate a will yourself & have to hire an attorney, it’s not cheap. Do you know all the business details of your grandparents’ deaths? There very well could be honest explanations for you not getting a car and $2000.

Sad,

My grandmother died when I was 16 in 1982, I was to receive her jewelry and my brother some cash. I have no idea if my brother got the cash, but Dad has kept all but three pieces of her jewelry in his safety deposit box.

It is not valuable in the grand scheme of things, but it is mine and I have not been able to enjoy it these last 38 years.

You know your mother has acted shady in the past, there is no real way to fix this now. So how do you "get over it"? Would counseling help?

It is important to make sure Wills are updated, but that is challenging in the face of quickly declining health or multiple moves for seniors. Mum did a new Will about 4 years ago. Since then my step Dad has died, one of her step daughters has died and she now has a great grandson. All in the last 15 months.

She was shady and secretive, and she did what she did. Now she has dementia, so it is for certain absolutely useless to even bring up the subject. And to what end. The 2,000 and the car are BOTH gone. It is over and done. You cannot miss what you don't know you were to get; so it is unfortunate that you ever found this out. You cannot change what is done. Move on. You always knew, or at least expected how mom is and who mom is--more appropriately who she WAS as she is likely now losing herself and you are losing her as well, to the dementia. Please don't waste your time on what cannot be changed. It makes a story at this point. No more. It cannot be changed. What do you imagine would be a solution? Going to court might get you 2,000.00 which you would have already spent 10 times over on your lawyer. Probate on this issue has likely been closed for a long long time.

What's the date of the wills? - that's one train of thought.

How advanced is your mother's dementia? - is another. Depending on whether your mother is still capable of holding a standard conversation, I think I would take the wills to her, give her a chance to read the relevant bits, and gently ask if she can explain.

Greedy is something of a prejudicial term, by the way. I wouldn't jump to "greedy." There are all sorts of other traits and circumstances that could have led to your mother not passing on these bequests as, on the face of it, she ought to have done. The wills could have been made long before your grandparents' deaths, so that your grandfather's car was a pile of rust (or sold to pay for something else) and your grandmother had already spent all of her money and more. Your mother could have been under pressure - paying your college fees, perhaps, or a sibling's college fees, or anyway for child-related reasons. She might have formed best intentions but never got round to it. There could have been 1001 reasons. The idea that she thought "tee hee hee nuts to Daughter!" and sold your car and spent your cash on facials and chocolates is probably among the least likely scenarios.

Anyway - if she can answer, even simply, ask her. If not... thank your grandparents for the thought and shrug. It's just too late, is all.

You said your mom was always a bit shady and secretive. You have every reason to suspect that she kept the money for herself and did not submit this will to Probate. Unfortunately, once probate is closed, it's done. You have no legal recourse.

HOWEVER, when a person shows you their nature, believe them. You can't change their behavior, but you can change your own. I have the feeling this is not the first time you felt slighted by your mother. You can't change her, but you can change the way you act toward her. You can not go visit, you can not send money. You can not take care of her, even with sibling pressure. You can not talk to her on the phone. You can just pretend she's already gone.

There are lots of people who go no contact so they don't have more psychological damage from a parent. If this is the last straw, so be it. If you separate from her, then you can leave this behind and enjoy your life without her.

Wills are a reflection of your grandparents assets situation at the time the Will was drawn up. $2,000 then probably was a huge sum to them; they thought you needed & would like their car. They visualized all this to you and it made them happy.

But over time, they could have done a codicil (update) to the will. The old will still exists but is not valid. It’s a memento.
Car costing $ to keep up & sold off, so not an asset anymore.
$ spent down to cover their costs of living, so not an asset anymore.
Or when they died, whomever was named executor in the will or the codicil needed to liquidate assets to settle their estate.

I’ve been an Executor 3 times with 2 out of 3 doing a codicil. It’s pretty common especially if it’s a married couple and 1 predeceases the other who is younger or lots more healthy. Or there’s a big change in family dynamics or deaths of heirs.

Think of will as a memento & that they envisioned you driving out of their driveway in that car waving bye to them. And this made them happy!