While cleaning out my mother's home, after she went to Assisted Living, I found both my grandfather and grandmother's Wills. My grandfather left me his car and my grandmother left me $2,000, neither of which I received years ago. I feel so hurt and betrayed that my mother would be so greedy as to keep this. She was always a bit shady and secretive. Now she has dementia. How do I get closure for such horrible behavior from my mother?
Look at the children of long ago who were cheated in the film industry by their parents and managers. It’s stealing, plain and simple.
I know a young man who inherited money from his grandma and his mom told him that she was “borrowing some money” from his inheritance. She never paid him back. He was 17.
He had enough left to buy a car later but his mom took the money his grandma left for his college education. He had to work to pay for his own education.
The good thing is, is that my mother also raised a strong woman and I pass that strength on to my daughter. My daughter got a government grant and finished school all on our own.
My mother is not the same person now that she has dementia. She seems to have lost that evil side. I guess because her brain doesn't function like it normally would.
Any elder I knew did not have an automobile at the time of death. As they aged and developed medical issues, they had all ceased driving and gave up/sold their vehicles. As for $ 2,000, if any money was used up for their care, bills due at the time of their deaths and funeral arrangements ($ 2,000 doesn't go far,) there was no money to distribute to the letter writer. I'd bet that this is the situation.
Brother/ Sister
But I think it's even simpler than that - at bottom, the OP just wants to know what happened. There could be a good explanation that would set her mind at rest, or there could be a lousy explanation that she'd feel aggrieved about and then gradually get over; but not knowing why her mother didn't comply with her grandparents' instructions must be torment.
Move on , make your own money and save for your retirement!
In Australia Wills for estates with any assets have to be probated, that involves lodging the original signed Wills with a government department. Only after Probate can bequests be handed out. By law the car would have had to be re registered in your name and to do that a special certificate would be required.
There is always the possibility that your grandparents did not have any assets when tbey died. That is the other explanation for the two Wills being found together. No assers, no probate required.
If you cannot move on it might be worthwhile contacting the relevant authority to see if either grandparent did in fact have an estate. You might have to pay some search fees, but it would answer a lot of questions. If you neex to give a reason just say it is for family history research.
If the money had to be spent to pay down money owed, the mother should have shown the will to the daughter and informed her of why, there was no money to give.
It is likely that this was a home-made will - lawyers are unlikely to write in specific bequests that may not be there when the testator dies. If so, your grandparents may easily have made more than one - my father got his rewritten many many because it gave him a kick!
An inheritance is NOT something to which you are entitled. It is a gift and should be looked on as such. There are a million different reasons why people leave differing sums of money to their heirs. And why a LOT of people write family completely out and have their attorney handle the disposition of funds.
My mom has held "your inheritance" over my head all my adult life. $9K isn't going to make a wave in my life and never would have. But to her and dad, I guess a $50K life insurance policy seemed like a lot.
My 5 kids are all better off than we are, financially. I mean, 3 of them are flippin' millionaires in their 30's and 40's. They DO NOT need the money.
We will adapt/adjust our will as we age. Specific things I have promised grandchildren have been listed and accounted for. Will they want some small figurine in 20 years to remember me by? Who knows.
I inherited nothing from either set of grandparents but a couple of small household items.
My mother has 'promised' her antique bedroom set to no fewer than 4 of the family. It's ridiculous.
I'd learn to let go. I, too, was promised a car...and it is so old and beat up--brother just recently sold it for $500. And I didn't care.
This anger is weighing you down--you need to let it go and just accept that mom is what she is and live with that.
If they weren't filed, then there's nothing you can do except just realize that it was a car and a small amount of cash. It was a nice thought, but don't let it drive you nuts. You know your mom was capable of doing this, I suppose, so don't let this bother you anymore than anything else crummy she's done.
My Dad told me that:
"at the end of the day people do whatever they think will help them survive...even though the behavior may seem outrageous or crazy to us"
So your Mother rationalized her dishonesty by telling herself "she was struggling and you were okay".
Its all water under the bridge now. No going back. Now is time to appreciate the love your Grandparents had for you. They loved and remembered you sweetly
And forgive your Mother, for yourself mostly, and her also.
Your Mother has a long hard road in front of her I feel.
After my father died, my mother who had dementia and had suffered many mini-strokes before a year later when she had her big stroke,,, she was so angry,,,she threw away all Dad's things without consulting us, his children. It was only by God's Grace that she did not know of his storage space which I found and cleaned out while in the process of getting her into a facility. If you are the POA, you may be allowed to pay yourself legally and get back the value of the car and the $2000. Good luck. Are there any other sibs who were also treated so shabbily? Dementia really IS the demon that you should hold accountable. My mother had no control over it. She was helpless. It changed her into someone we never ever knew.