I married my husband last October. We started dating in 2015. At that time he lived with this mother. He purchased his parent's house when his dad got sick. His dad passed away in 2006. Since, he owned the home he just stayed. His mom had the master and he stayed in the same room he grew up in. About 16 month prior to our wedding we decided to have me move. The house was about 1,100 sq ft with one bathroom. This was to help save us money, because we were paying for our whole wedding on our own. In the time that I lived there I wish I did not. His mother is not healthy. She is in her 70's. She has not taken care of herself and refuses too. She has incontinence accidents in the bathroom and does not clean it up. She sits in a electric recliner for 12+ hours a day. She orders fast food for every meal. If she does leave the house she stops at McDonald's and picks up food for days. She just re-heats it and eats it because she will not cook. She does not try to make her life better. Her response is either, this is how I want to spend my retirement or why, I am going to die soon anyways.
My husband and I have talked many times about what bothers me. I told him that I needed a different home with more room and another bathroom to live with her. Well last March we bought a new home and left her in the other home until July. The new house needed a ground floor bathroom for her. So in our first year of marriage we spent 10k on a new bathroom because she cannot do one stair. She barely can lift her legs over the front door threshold. She can barely put on her own shoes. We were paying for both mortgages. Financially it was not a good idea. Prior to her moving in here we created a list of things that could not happen in the new home. She is here now and she is falling into her normal routine. The list was never covered with her. My husband tells me he does not know how to approach any of it. I used the brand new bathroom, the other day, and there was dried urine all down the front of it and on the floor. She denied doing it and my husband cleaned it. I watched her make a sandwich and use her finger as a knife to smear mayo on the bread. She then licked her finger and touched my whole kitchen. I wiped my whole kitchen down with Lysol.
I can't live with her anymore. I want to run. I feel a horrible person in my own home. My husband feels stuck, being an only child. I do not want to be the horrible new daughter in law and kick her out. My husband's aunt or her sister has made comments about NOT putting her in nursing home. His aunt is a very opinionated woman. I am depressed. I am in grad school and very stressed out. I want a family but feel that I can't have that and her under one roof. I love my husband but I can't live with my mother in law anymore. I feel like running away because I will not be the one to kick her out. I have told my husband that I am sorry for telling him that a new house would make it better. I told him I feel like I lied to him because it has not made anything better. I do not know what to do other than leave.