Hello all! My family and I moved to a new state so that I could pursue my Ph.D. My wife's parents sold their house and moved with us to "help". However, they moved without telling us that my wife's mom had Stage 4 kidney failure. At this point, I make much less than I did in my previous job so my wife started working full time. She had to cut back her work hours to take care of her mom because her dad wouldn't help or acted like he didn't know what to do. Fast forward and my wife's mom passed away leaving her dad with us. Now, I understand the pain of loss and I would never leave him homeless. He is healthy and can function when he chooses to, but he is great at making my wife feel guilty. He's lazy, doesn't interact with my kids, and only talks when he needs something. He has no savings and will inevitably become ill.
Here's the issue...my wife thinks I'm wrong because I think that I and our kids should take priority. I'm contemplating leaving because I don't want any part of it knowing that my wife is trying to save him because she didn't save her mom (not logical, but that is what she thinks). Our relationship is different and she just expects me to accept it all because she can 'ignore' it all. I can't ignore it and I feel that she has basically chosen her dad over me even though I haven't asked for any choices to be made. I just want to talk about solutions, but she gets defensive and basically says that we're in it for the long haul. Our relationship is struggling, our kids are struggling, and he is as happy as a turtle in the sun because she is doing everything for him. We are both resentful of each other and it feels terrible knowing that our relationship has worsened as a result of her parents moving in.