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I'm losing my mind. What can I do to stop this?

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What time does she go to bed?

Her internal time clock is off and needs to be reset. I am sure some one will chime in and help you with this.

When my dad was in the hospital his time clock got reversed, so he slept all day and couldn't figure out why the night person staying with him was aggravated that he kept calling out for stuff all night. I wasn't there every night or it would have killed me.

Do you get any time off and are you generously paid for being a 24/7 on call caregiver? Your employer needs to think about bringing in an overnight person or you will crash and burn, as you are already feeling the insanity of 24/7.

You have to take care of you as well.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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You say you are at a loss because they don't want anyone else caring for them. They don't have the right to hijack your life, period. People that need help can not be so stubborn and selfish, oh don't get me wrong, they are, but you can set boundaries and stick to them and they will work with you or throw a temper tantrum and what will that get them.

So they leave in the morning and don't come home until afternoon and they expect you to be there so he can get in? That is being completely unreasonable and asking far to much.

Are they low income? Perhaps the medical challenges that they have they can get some aid, maybe he can get an electric wheel chair. There has to be options besides holding your kind hearted neighbor hostage. Look at it from the angle that you ended up in the hospital, what would they do? This might help you say I can't do this 24/7/365 for years on end. They are young and need to take responsibility for themselves and get some realistic expectations of what they can ask of someone.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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NO ONE can be on call 24/7!! PERIOD!! Set times that work, and get help procuring professionals for the other times. Your life/health comes first: if NOT, you will pay with a nervous breakdown or heart attack ( like a cousin of mine)! Consult doctors, home care resources, social services - whatever. I cannot emphasize enough that ONE PERSON cannot do it all. I speak from experience...
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Tammyrex121277 Feb 13, 2019
They have no family that lives close by and I live about 5 doors down from them. Yes I am burning out but every time I try to get a nurse to come in I am told they will only come in if they are homebound. Well they are not. I haven't had a vacation in 2 years and have to be there 7 days a week to push him up the ramp in the am and down the ramp in the pm. I'm at a loss as to options because they don't want anyone else to care for them
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I would question her to see if she recalls your verbal agreement. If she continues to get up at 2:00 a.m. to perform odd tasks, after promising that she wouldn't and then keeps falling down.......I'd wonder what is going on with her. Maybe, she needs to consult with her doctor about it. When a senior says one thing, but, then then repeatedly does otherwise to their own detriment, it causes me concern.
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Tammyrex121277 Feb 13, 2019
She is seeing a Neurologist, when she was 24 she had brain cancer and wasn't supposed to live more then 6 months. It has now been almost 27 years so we know there are some effects from the chemo and radiation and from the brain surgery. I think there is Definately some memory issues and possible even difficulty understanding what we talk about
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I think that any employment agreement, even an informal verbal one, usually covers the hours you are expected to work and a description of the duties you are expected to perform. This needs to be treated as a job just like any other, you put in your time and are then off the clock, none of this 24/7 on call BS. The fact that you live nearby is both a blessing and a curse, they have abused your proximity and caring feelings to coerce you into being a virtual slave who jumps when they call. They won't be motivated to make changes as long as you keep stepping in to rescue them, it's up to you to grow a backbone and rewrite your terms of employment, including reasonable work hours, days off and vacation. It isn't your responsibility to figure out what they need to do to fill the shifts when you aren't available, that's all on them.
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Reply to cwillie
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If they are unable to see the absurdity of their demands, I'd be concerned about their judgment skills. I'd likely contact their closet family member or Durable POA, regardless of where they are and invite them to take notice and get involved. The couple may not be thinking clearly and need someone to get real with them.

Also, why would home aids only come to help people who only home bound? Is this through some charity or government program? I would think that home care aids come to help seniors who have all kind of needs.
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worriedinCali Feb 13, 2019
At least of one the people being cared for isn’t a senior yet. They both appear to be rather young but in pretty bad shape.
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"I am told they will only come in if they are homebound. Well they are not. I haven't had a vacation in 2 years and have to be there 7 days a week to push him up the ramp in the am and down the ramp in the pm"

If someone has to be pushed up and down a ramp 7 days a week because they are incapable of navigating it on their own then that is the very definition of home bound, isn't it? It's the fact you can't get out without assistance, not that you can't get out at all (which would be almost no one IMO). I too am wondering who "they" are that is giving you this information? And who hired you and signs your paycheck?
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Tammyrex121277 Feb 13, 2019
They were told by their insurance company because they are not seniors. Even the VA won't send them help. I was hired by them. They sign my paycheck
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Tammy, I hope that helps you and helps her not feel so tired and gives her some space from her husband.

Let me know how it is working out.

I am happy for you that you were able to communicate and come up with a solution. Good to know that is an option for future, if needed.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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What do you mean, they can't afford to pay a second person to come in?

The only way that statement can be true is if you are doing unpaid hours. Does this couple have a lead social worker or anyone you can talk to? How did you come to be their caregiver?
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Tammyrex121277 Feb 13, 2019
I started out as a cleaning lady 3 days a week 4 years ago. Now I do everything but feeding and bathing.since ive been there her husband has had an amputation and she has had minor strokes. I am private and yes I do get paid. He is a disabled Veteran so doesn't qualify for low income help at all.
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Reaad your state labor laws. You and they may be in for a surprise concerning hours of work and required time off. You are describing slavery. Ideally you should just quit
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