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I live across the country from my aging parents. My father is falling a lot and having trouble with incontinence. He is extremely stubborn so won’t wear adult diapers, so makes a mess that my mother has to continuously clean. He falls all of the time, and has no body strength, and she cannot lift him by herself. I am trying to think of how to help her because she is becoming angry and depressed dealing with him. Would home care be an option, even though she is there and somewhat “able” to help? He really should be in assisted living, I think. I’m just starting to think about this, so any ideas or direction would be appreciated.

Have a primary dr assess him.. if he can’t get out of the house as in the case of my father the pc doc will send a FNP to his house to do an assessment and will set up home health to come by twice a week with aides to bathe him and dress him as with my father.. an RN will come by once a week to take vitals and labs if necessary . The FNP will also order or refill rxs... if he has Medicare it will be covered... that’s what we had to do for ours... they will even get him set up on hospice when ready as in my father Medicare will approve a hospital bed for him also.. so he can stay in bed and sit up to eat and see tv...
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Reply to Sherry1886
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There is definitely help. If your mom will accept the help, help is available. Start with the county Council on Aging.

There are incontinence underpants. They don't look like Depends, they look like thick briefs. Replace all your dad's underwear with those. That should help a bit.
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Reply to anonymous594015
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Peeing all over the house and not thinking of the work of his wife who’s a senior herself in cleaning up constantly is a big sign that more is going on than stubbornness. Your mom will soon become sick and disabled herself if expected to keep this up. You’ll need to go and step in and insist on changes. The least would be wearing disposable undergarments and a medical assessment to fully find out his needs. He may qualify for in home therapy through Medicare, but that’s only good if he’s in a mental place to cooperate. Does he use a walker or rollator to get around? Do you or another adult child have POA for him and your mom? Mom needs help changing this before it’s too late for her
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Ramp up your “thinking about this”and do somethiig to help them. Dad needs to be in a facility. Mom needs help. Do whatever you need to do and get this straightened out.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Your dad isn’t stubborn. He has dementia.
No one who can reason continues to pee on the floor if they can see they have no control.
You need to get “across the country” and get your parents some help.
Yes, there is home help available but under the present circumstances it doesn’t sound like your father would cooperate.
He needs a medical evaluation to determine his condition and the best course of action going forward
Do have a urinary tract infection (UTI) test run first to rule this out as it is often the cause of dementia type symptoms in an elder. You need to find out what the problem is before you can decide on a course of action.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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