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I work for a Abcor Home Health that only pays me 4.5 hours a day M-F, when I'm here 24/7. Abcor and Senior Services will not send another aid to give me weekends off. They won't even put someone in place in case I am sick to come take care of Mom. I was diagnosed with MS (I believe I have had this for years) and there are days I don't want to even get out of bed, but there is no one else in place to take care of her because Abcor won't help me, they tell me that they have to garnish my wages to send someone over to meet Mom, when I am working already. I am so burned out and no one is willing to help me out Senior Services won't do anything, neither will Abcor. My sister cannot help out, because her husband has colon cancer and leukemia and her son has cerebral palsy, so she has too much on her plate already.
I'm just looking for help with this since I don't know where to turn anymore.

I'm really sorry for the situation that you find yourself in.

Right now with the winter holidays and with people experiencing the winter bump in illnesses like colds, flu and Covid, agencies are understaffed. For that reason it's a problem when mom is so picky.

Also driving to Chicago to "talk to somebody" isn't going to solve the problem. It might remove it from your back yard, but that won't help you. Deal with things locally, and build favorable relationships with those who could look kindly upon you and provide what you and mom need. In addition, if you're "old school" and resistant to the resources available with technology, and if you're determined not to learn about them, you are hobbling yourself and will remain unable to help mom. I totally understand your frustration - I've been a hands-on caregiver for 4 family members myself - but the truth is that it's important to (1) learn about the system (2) understand technology at least a little (3) be open to whatever caregivers you can get because there aren't that many who want this job (4) don't expect family to help because that is impossible, as in your case, or rare in any case (5) be prepared to private hire and private pay if you must.

This is Truth. I wish it were otherwise. And I wish you luck, because you certainly need it.

PS - Look into facility care for mom. If this is all beyond you, so be it. Let professionals take care of her and be grateful for people who know how.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Hi! Aged Care systems are quite complicated, and the fact that things are called different names in different places doesn’t help.

I have a lot of respect for truckies – we have a 10 wheel heavy rigid that has helped us move stuff out of selling a farm 1500 kms away, and I’ve done a LOT of miles as passenger with DH driving. Where I am, there are ‘road trains’ with a prime mover and 3 very large trailers, and if you can back one of those you are more than capable of working out the aged care system!

Have a go at the information on the site. It’s a pain in the neck to get your head around it (ha ha) but it will help you to get on top of what is going on. If you were very clear that ‘no way’ M was going into a facility, you may not realise that you can spend all day every day there with M if you wish, get away when you want a break, and that it might be an option that works better for both of you.

Yours, Margaret
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Poster, your question reads as though you don’t have a good understanding of how ‘the system’ works. If you want, you can learn a lot about it on this site, and it might help. ‘Rules’ vary between states, but in general there is very limited government funding for care in the home for a family member. Abcor, your agency and ‘employer’ will be getting that government funding, and that’s why the paid hours are so restricted. Longer hours are usually only for care in a facility (eg a nursing home). That’s a government policy decision because it’s more economic (cheaper) to have staff available long hours when they are shared between many ‘patients’. That matters a lot when there are millions of old people needing care, all of whom would prefer to stay at home.

If you want to find out more, click on ‘resources’ at the top of your screen, then on any letter (eg M for Medicaid) to find articles, old questions and discussions about that particular topic. Understanding the system sometimes (certainly not always) means you can get more help, but at least you can work out what’s going on, what’s possible, and when what you have chosen to do has problems that you can’t fix.

If you have more questions for us, please post them and people will try to help!
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Mtntigger70 Dec 27, 2024
I'm Just a retired truck driver taking care of my mom, I don't know about all these rules and it is actually a organization (Senior Services) that works for the state that pays Abcor for me to take care of Mom. Abcor has been telling me that they will send other aids over to meet Mom because it should be her choice who is allowed in her home and to take care of her, but today I was told they will send anyone over there that there is no choice. I find that really disturbing. When they been promising me for a year and a half that Mom can meet some of these people but now it's totally wrong. This company has me so frustrated
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Finding a backup caregiver, even if only for a couple of hours, is an absolutely necessary to provide 24/7 care for anyone. You may need to try some unconventional methods to find your team.

First, you need to identify exactly what care your mom needs: someone to keep an eye on her for a couple of hours, cook or reheat meals, assist transfers or monitor walker or wheelchair use, etc. Using your needs list you con consider potential caregivers. Do you have aunts, uncles, cousins, Mom's friends who would be willing and able to help? The Area Agency on Aging may know about an adult day care program at little or no cost. My mom qualified for a program where they sent a van for transportation of her in her wheelchair for about 6 hours a day. Ask at local churches; sometimes there is a retired couple or nurse that's willing to help you out. Local nursing schools can sometimes be a resource if you have a little money to offer. The AAA have me good ideas on free and low cost programs we could use.
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Mtntigger70 Dec 27, 2024
Just so frustrated with this whole thing, I'm a retired OTR truck driver of 28 years. I don't know wtf I am doing. I have reached out to so many organizations who say they will help but when I contact them again, they are useless. We have no other close family members that will take care of her, My family is spread out all over the country. I also found out today that the company I work for who has been promising to send someone over to meet Mom for her to approve of the aid they send, has been lying their ass off, If I need a day off they will send whoever the hell they want when Mom is very picky that she doesn't want a guy coming, doesn't want a person that speaks in a foreign dialect where my mom can't even understand them.
I'm so burned out there is no local resources other than driving down to Chicago which is a two and a half hour drive to talk to anyone. I'm old school, zoom meetings are not for me.
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If the state pays you 22.5 hours a week, then that’s the state limit. You will have to decide whether it is worth it for you to pay back so they can pay a non family member for your free time.
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Mtntigger70 Dec 27, 2024
In Illinois, They can give a caregiver 30 hours a week, and I think they have given mom that but I think the company I work for takes the extra hours and pays themselves.
They make more money than I do in a week so they have to be skimming money. I received a oops email from my company and that's how I was able to see that.
Mom Is very picky who she wants at her house, and my company will not send over anyone to meet her first, they just want to send any person, If it's a guy she'd have a conniption fit, and if it was a person with a foreign dialect who she cannot understand she would go ballistic. I think I have to go and find another company that actually cares about their clients and employees instead of just about money. I found out this company is Ukraine owned, The CEO isn't even in the US
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Sorry, we can't help you. This is a forum not a care agency. Is this Abcor part of Medicaid? Maybe you could call your Office of Aging to seevif there are other resources available. Maybe you are going to need to place Mom. Are you on Social Security Disability? Seems like you both need help. Your County should have Social Services and Adult Protection services.
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Mtntigger70 Dec 27, 2024
The care agency is Abcor, Senior Services out here is the county when they are complete morons. There is a thing out here called Community Care Program, and that's what I went through to set up care for Mom. It's just BS that they only expect me to take care of her for 4 and 1/2 hours a day M-F, that only takes care of mornings not afternoons or evenings, I'm just trying to find something to help me get a day off, maybe someone in Illinois might know this better than I. I'm a retired OTR truck driver of 28 years, I do not know wtf I'm doing, and can't find any resources out here for help, that will actually do anything.

I got denied for SSI just like everyone does so I have a lawyer now, and that'll take forever as usual.
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