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She's 91 and mean. Her two children wouldn't take her in so my husband talked me into her living with us and 20 years later I still hate it. I used to work full time and attend college. Along with that stress I had to deal with her trying to split us up and being treated horribly by her. My husband always sided in with her. Well, I reached a breaking point and tried to commit suicide. I was institutionalized and could no longer work. So now I'm home with her 24-7. How can I stop her from verbally and mentally abusing me and taking me for granted. Putting her in a home is no option (no money). After my suicide attempt and nervous breakdown, my husband now sides in with me. And no family member will deal with her because she is so abusive. Most days I accept my fate that she's with us until she dies, but other days I'm to tired to stick up for myself. Should I just stop doing everything for her so she will at least hold her tongue?

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Can grandma be reasoned with at all? Is this an ongoing personality disorder that has always been her makeup? or a result of dementia? Can she ever be talked out of it? Ever apologized?
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First of all because she has no money she qualifies for a nursing home setting under Medicaid. You and your husband should heave never let it get to this point in your lives. I am a strong believer that everyone should try to help keep a family member at home for as long as possible, but not at the expense of another family members health, relationship or financial well being.
You failed all 3 of my criteria. This is your home and your marriage and your life. IT is time to claim it all back. I am sorry, but, Grandma needs to be placed for your own mental and emotional well being. IT should have occurred a long time ago.

It is time for you to heal and begin to renew your relationship with your husband and yourself.
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Just because you state "there is no money" - that doesn't mean staying with you is an option! Call medicaid and get her on that - since she has no money they will pay for a nursing home/assisted living. They pay for ones that are up to standards and many are very nice - in fact on medicaid they may occupy a room right next to the person who has chosen the facility and is paying privately at $6,000-$8,000 a month - so they do pay for good places. I wouldn't threaten her with the idea that if medicaid pays she would be going to place that is not good - first of all it's not true and why upset things seven more. It's the admin. staff that knows the person is on medicaid, not the individual everyday nurses and CNAs. They just know that they are a patient and don't know or care where payment is coming from. Explain to her the advantages of being in a nursing home/assisted living - more activities for her and people her own age and she'll get more attention - that last one alone is what they love "more attention". By making it more of a pleasant transition out of your house you may be saving yourself additional headaches. Also call your local "council on aging" office and speak to them about this. There are numerous resources available to help you. Good luck!
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I can't imagine what you have been through and are still experiencing. My own mother treats me horribly, and there's nothing I can do about it, but then again, she doesn't live with me. Does your husband's grandmother have any other children or grandchildren? After 20 years, why should you and your husband be bearing the burden alone? I know that your husband volunteered, but I'd say that he and you have given beyond what anyone could have imagined, and now it's someone else's turn. If there is no one else that she can live with, then how about the rest of the family splitting up the cost of putting her in a facility that suits her needs? If that is not an option, then the only thing to do is probably what you must be doing already, and that is limiting the time that you are actually face-to-face with her. I wish I could give you a true problem-solving answer, but if I were in your shoes, and truly had no other options, I would at the very least just sequester myself in a different part of the house when I am not providing necessary care. Best of luck to you, and again, I am so very sorry to read about your heart-wrenching situation.
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O my gosh... Its so very hard to care for an elderly person as it is.. I cant imagine doing it with all that going on... Have you tried to sit down with her and tell her that if she does not lose the sharp tounge that she will be leaving and tell her to try you and see if your kidding? Life is too short to take that kind of abuse day after day... Explain to her that medicare will pay for a nursing home... not a good one where people will actually care for her but one that will get her out of your house...
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think seriously about medicaid that would pay for a Nursing home... enough is enough... You should not be abused in your own home!!! my two cents for whatever it is worth...
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