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I am there because his hearing is so bad he doesn't get directions right many times concerning meds, etc. but he tells me HE is talking whenever I try to explain something to the Dr.


I am his caregiver, it is hard to speak up as he makes a scene, (embarrassing), I don't know what to do. He shows anger easily...

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Write everything down before an office visit. Questions, how meds are working etc. Give it to the receptionist before the visit. The doctor should understand the problem. For his anger, ask if there is something he can take. Record the doctors conversation so you will remember what the doctor said. You cannot rationalize with a Dementiz/ALZ patient. I used to sit behind my Mom and when she said something I didn't agree with, I shook my head. The doctor would ask me my thoughts after he spoke with her.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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no1cares Nov 7, 2018
Thank you, will try that next time...…..I have done so with his neurologist, just wasn't thinking of it....
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A note to the doctor in advance helps, but, I would also try to sit behind my LO during the visit, so, I could nod in agreement or disagreement when she would say things. Due to her memory loss, what she would say was not accurate.
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ConnieMH71 Nov 9, 2018
Yes! That’s exactly what I did with my mother and also let the nurse know Mom had Dementia before we saw the Dr. They then began testing her.
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Give a written list of your concerns to the doctor ahead of the appointment. Ask the doctor to try to bring them up in the conversation without mentioning they came from you.
And if his anger is an issue, make sure it’s on the list.
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no1cares Nov 7, 2018
Thanks to you also, I will do that and both good points to let them know of his "easy to come on anger" guess that's why I hesitate, because I know what is coming after certain conversations.
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You go in and you listen. If the doctor directs a question to you, then you answer and tell DH that the doctor asked you a question and you are going to answer it.

Let him make a scene. I've made more than my share of scenes in the past, no reason for you to be embarrassed.
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Reply to RayLinStephens
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Share with doctor's nurse.  Suggest that she may consider asking the doctor to intervene politely, explain that his hearing difficulty makes it important that you participate verbally, etc...doc may or may not agree to do so.

Praise God for your diligence.

Grace + Peace,

Bob
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Reply to OldBob1936
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I let Mom answer the doctor and if she can't or misstates something, I'll quietly mention the correction or omission.  Only one time did she get angry and disagree with me in front of the doctor regarding something.  However the doctor was able to point out that I was indeed correct according to the medication list. 

It's a balancing act to be honest.  I let some non biggie things go or will do as others and shake my head slightly.  But I always let her try to answer first.
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Reply to Baldguy95762
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Id tell him that he can go in ALONE. That way he has total control of his appt since he wants it so bad. He will be sorry he cant hear and understand the doc. He really needs you to be his ears. Id stay in the car, and refuse to go in.
Id also tell him its not the 1600 hundreds and that women can be seen and heard.
He will probably need you within 2 mins because he cant hear what they are saying, and directing him to do. He will realize you are much needed. Then I would tell him his embarrassing scenes in front of people will stop forthwith.
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Reply to Jasmina
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For every visit, I used to send a note to the neurologist ahead of time. They understand. None of our loved ones like us to contradict them but the doctors need and should want to listen to the main caregiver. Our neuro always thanked me for the input and he said it was very helpful.
To make it practical, write the main issues, stick to the facts and give examples, do not babble and do not write a novel, be brief but clear, so that the doctor would be able to read your input and focus on the important issues. You need to keep her attention focused. I have heard caregivers who have private discussion with the doctor after the visit, but I feel that is a bit late in the process. Whatever would work between you and the doctor.
Good luck.
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Reply to msamada
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I solved this problem by keeping a written list of all my concerns and observations. then gave the Dr a copy as we entered the office. That helped a lot and I didn't forget anything. I could be very frank without embarrassing him.
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Reply to Rutucker
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My friend went in with her husband but sat behind him and when he answered a question wrong she would shake her head yes or no.  The doctor then received the right response and the husband was unaware.
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