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Two years ago my then 79 year old aunt asked me to be her DPOA for finance and health care. While we had not been close for many years for a variety of reasons, I agreed, thinking I was being helpful since she has no children and has only two nephews who live a number of states away. Fast for forward two years, several illnesses, a moderate level of dementia, and recently a minor stroke from which she has mostly recovered. Currently she is living independently about 40 minutes away from us but with with home care and other support. According to her primary care physician and social workers she really needs to move to assisted living for medication, nutrition management, and her own safety. And the independent living facility wants her to move period since she is bothering her neighbors with her many questions, needs, and interruptions. I understand her concerns and fears of loss of independence, especially since she has been told by her doctors she is not safe to drive anymore. However, I am 64 years old with a family of my own, still work full time and then some, and watch our grandchildren one day a week. I am spending A LOT of time on the phone with her at all hours, her doctors, social workers, and her support team navigating her many needs and especially her "wants"; during the COVID 19 shutdown and before her stroke, she was driving herself to her hometown 45 minutes away to grocery shop, go to the bank, and visit her friends because she told me she was "bored". I agree she needs to move and have FINALLY found a place, recommended by her social workers, within the price range she is willing to pay. At first she was all for it, but now that we are scheduled for a tour and "meet and greet" at the home she is back peddling, saying she might not want to move there and wants to "shop around". Her price range is not realistic for our area, and that is the reason I have just been able to find this home. She does have cash resources that would allow her to spend more than this place is charging, but she doesn't want to spend the money. Long story short - I have bitten off more than I can chew and am feeling rather used by her since we have not been close. Frankly, she asked me only because her nephews don't live anywhere nearby. If she doesn't accept this assisted living home, I am not sure I am willing to go forward as her DPOA. I'm not getting any younger myself and her wants and needs are time consuming and are draining me emotionally. How do I go about managing this situation? Do I resign as her DPOA? Her nephews are listed as co agents in the event I resign. Should I have her contact them to step up, especially since they HAVE been closer to her all through the years? (My own parents are gone now, but they weren't nearly as difficult or needy in their elder years and both ended up in nursing facilities due to their complicated health issues.) Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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Yes, you may resign as her DPOA. You should see a Lawyer to do so. Her nephews will then take over; you should be the one to notify them of your intention and they should have a copy of your resignation.
If the nephews would like to they can hire a Fiduciary in the area to take over. They work for about 90.00 and hour in California. They are often appointed by the court when there IS no family or friends. This is way too much for you now.
Dependent on the strength and how well written your OWN DPOA is YOU can also hire a fiduciary out of you Aunt's funds. But I would guess that you would as soon be shed of all this. I did this at age 77 for my brother. It's a lot of work even with a very cooperative person.
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Rascal12 Sep 5, 2020
Thank you for your response. Yes, I want out of this responsibility asap. There may be a light at the end of the tunnel, thank goodness. I have found TWO assisted living homes in our area. Hopefully she will accept one of them, and I will let her know, once she is settled in, we need to contact the nephews, whom I don't know, to take over as DPOA. I can continue being supportive as my time and other responsibilities allow, but I don't want any official role.
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Thank you for your response. Actually my aunt has TWO social workers on her case who look to me for direction. I just can't be everything to all of the resources trying to help her. At this rate, pretty soon I'll be the one needing help!
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Shop for a Geriatric Care Manager to manage what you are not able to do.

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2020/geriatric-care-manager.html

https://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/What_you_need_to_know/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/What_you_need_to_know.aspx
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