How do I remove myself from being in between my husband and mother in law?

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We relocated and moved in with my in laws about 2 and a half years ago. I did it because my husband is an only child and I felt it was necessary. Now I regret my decision. I left behind my children and grandchildren to do this. When we came here I thought living with them was only temporary and that eventually we would get our own place to live but that has not happen. Mostly because of financial reasons. I feel like I am always put in between my husband and his mother. They are very much alike! They both need to have the final word and neither back down from an argument. My father in law is here as well but he says nothing!! How do I stop this madness!! We both work part time but when we are home all we do is hibernate to our bedroom for privacy...The in laws don't do much either except stay in their room all day. Please help!

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Is you husband enmeshed with his mom? If so, he was not really free to marry, since he was already "married" to her. Sounds like maybe he married you in order to get caregiving "manpower" - this does happen. If you want any married future, you and he will have to leave and let non-family caregivers take care of parents. These kinds of situations are not generally resolvable in terms of changing MIL - it is up to you to do what you have to do.
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Reply to rovana
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I would think husband gets tired of arguing with Mom. If possible take a weekend away with husband. Find a nice place you can talk things thru. Remember it's in-laws home and that's how MIL feels. Find outside help if in-laws need it. Your local APS should be able to help you find resources. No one should have to spend their time in a bedroom.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The four of you sound like subjects in a not very pleasant social experiment where no one wins but Dad, who went deaf years ago, will survive.
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Reply to HolidayEnd
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Sounds like only child and wife need to leave and get a life. I wonder if your husband may be overly connected as well as conflicted with his mother?
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Reply to cmagnum
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I agree with Tothill. You don’t need a huge, fancy mansion. To save your sanity, even a studio apartment would work. And, unless you constantly jump in the middle of your husband’s arguments with his mother, you don’t need to be involved. Be like your FIL and keep quiet.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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I think it is time for your and your dh to move out. It sounds like it is a toxic environment for all of you.
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Reply to Tothill
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helpcrazydil, I am moving your post back toward the front of the forum. Hopefully a caregiver who had been down this road will be able to give you some advice.
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Reply to freqflyer
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