Hi everyone, and Happy Holidays to all!
After what has seemed as the most horrific year in my life, having taken care of not one, but two 94 yr olds in my house, who let’s not put past them- the fact the have hated me my entire life- I’m finding reasons to end the yr in a positive note.
For the past yr I’ve had my parents in my house, heard nothing but complaints, nasty remarks, hideous faces, and very little chance of setting the motors in reverse to go back to MyLife. I gave up, like ALL of you, your freedom, your independence, YOURSELF, to become a recipient of negativeness with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm exhausted, I’m sad, I am angry, I’m lost. But..above all- angry- because I do not find any joy in what I’m doing.
The “words of wisdom from others which sound like..” God will reward you in heaven”, are generated by those who have absolutely NO clue as to what we my friends are facing.
Yet, tonight I want to say to myself this was my choice, and my choice only. I could have left these two heartless, abusive people to rot somewhere, and wait for the phone call telling they were gone. But no!!!, instead I chose to do this. And..I take full responsibility for all the tears down my cheeks inumerous times of the day; for all the migraines, for all the body aches, for all the anxiety attacks and all to come.
So, what keeps me going?
Its all of you! YOU are sharing the same pain, the same anguish day in and out- and though we all voice out our sorrow, we seem to wake up the next day- and do it all again.
I Salute all of you for sharing with me your thoughts in this webpage- it’s been Godsend.
I can only but Thank You for having a kind heart and the willingness to share with all.
May this year end with a positive note for all- may you all be blessed.

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That's why we're here: to support each other. Sometimes we just need to vent. To pound our fists. Other times we need practical advice and encouragement to keep on keeping on through impossible situations. Wishing each and everyone a better 2021!
Helpful Answer (2)

Justme - I'm in my 5th year taking care of my Alz. mother who is now in diapers 24/7. So, I hear you and understand what you're going through.

May your burden be lifted off your shoulders soon.

As for ending the year on a positive note, I do have to give that some thought. Not sure what I will do for myself to cheer me up yet. Maybe do take-outs one whole day or one whole weekend so no cooking or dirtying dishes, and I can sleep in or take a nap. To me, that is a treat.
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Who knows, God may reward you but you don't have to go thru hell now. It makes me feel good that participating in this forum makes you feel better. Wouldn't it be great if the people in this forum could actually meet in a live support group? I really don't know what to say to you and all the other caregivers that have to put up with life long abuse except I'm sorry and wish it could be different. I hope others can give you more support and suggestions. God bless you and I wish you a much better 2021.
Helpful Answer (6)

You are right. This has been a "horrific "year. One that most would like to forget. However I will never be able to forget this year, as this was the year, that my husband, my best friend, and the love of my life left this world for the next. I had the honor of being his caregiver for many years, and even though it was very hard sometimes and wore my patience thin at times, unlike your parents, my husband was always appreciative of everything I did for him. Not saying that he didn't get upset over things, especially in the last 22 months of his life where he was completely bedridden with vascular dementia, but overall I was blessed that he remained sweet and kind. I can't imagine caregiving for someone day in and day out that chooses instead to be hateful, negative and ungrateful. You certainly have your hands full x2. I'm glad you have this forum to come to to vent. We're always here to listen, and hopefully lift you up as well. So I am with you in trying to make sure that this year goes out on a positive note, as we all as caregivers deserve that. May God continue to bless you while you're on this journey.
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Justme7 Dec 2020
Hi! I read your reply and can only say I’m so, so sorry you lost all the people you loved so much this year. The only person I’ve lost is my sister a yr ago, at the age of 64 and that was bad enough.
I appreciate you taking time to reply, and wish You nothing but good wishes and lots of love.
thank you.
I personally HATE that 'God will reward you!' although I know it's meant to be kind, it just gets under my skin. I KNOW that, I guess I just want a little cred NOW.

2020 has been a nightmare--and had we known how crazy it was going to be--I don't know how many of us would have been able to deal with it. The rolling quarantines from grandkids, a WFH hubby who is either asleep all day or working 20 hrs...his mood swings and trying to deal with our 90 yo mothers. I stepped out of MIL's care 100% and NOTHING will make me go back. My own mom is just batty as all get out and thoughtless in her comments and as I was recovering from cancer all year---I was pretty tender and sad a lot. It didn't help to go visit her and have her tell me how awful I look.

I got word today that I will 'probably' be one of the 2nd wave of vaccine recipients, and DH will be also, as he is super-super high risk. I think once I can get out of here and not live in this weird Orwellian nightmare, I'll feel better.

Caring for parents who are toxic--poor DH is on the outs, big time, with his mom. He feels sick about it, but she told him to go to h3ll and never darken her door again. So, he has decided to cut her out of his life. So sad.

We just look at MIL as a cautionary tale and feel sorry for her.

And I agree--this site has provided me an out to vent and talk and have no fear of being judged (most of the time!)

Good Luck to you--and to all of us!
Helpful Answer (3)
Justme7 Dec 2020
Hi. Are you feeling better after going through Cancer? I feel sorry for myself due to aches and pains because of Lupus; but that’s nothing compared to what you’ve gone through.
Thank you. Blessings.
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I am so sorry you are going through this. The burden you describe sounds completely overwhelming. I share the care of one kind parent with a great sibling and I find it very hard at times. How you are enduring what’s on your plate is hard for me to imagine.

May you be blessed too!
Helpful Answer (1)

Your post has given me a lump in my throat that I'm trying to swallow with ginger ale.

This forum IS a Godsend, I agree. There have been many, many times I've felt at the end of my rope with the endless BS my mother dishes out, and I've been able to come here & vent. And laugh, too, and read others' stories, comment, and feel like I'm giving them a part of MY story to offer hope. Which is what you are doing with your lovely post here.

I've been able, for the most part, to ignore the 'God will reward you in heaven' remarks from the fabulously clueless, but sometimes feel compelled to leave a snotty retort right back at them. We need help NOW, most of us, not after we're dead!!!

God bless you for all you do and for writing such a heartfelt post for all of us to enjoy. Wishing you a wonderful end to a hideous year, and all the best of positivity moving forward.
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