Are there special psychological issues associated with taking care of one's sibling? We are very different people with different values. It is sometimes difficult to abide by my older sister's wishes when they conflict with what I think is best for her (or me!). But I am it, the last other survivor of our birth family, her POA, and the person upon which her choices (often poor ones, in my opinion) devolve. She has always been self-centered, but good to me overall. I want to make her happy but bristle at appetites, fantasies, demands. Today she woke me up with a text asking for takeout food when she's in the hospital! Help.
You will have enough to do by helping with medical decisions and visits. For any relationship it has to work for both parties.
Is this my choice?
Is this my responsibilty?
Starting at the small end of things, ordering the food she wants is definately your sister's choice. Therefore her responsibility to arrange.
Going to the larger end, living where she does. This is also her choice, therefore her responsibility to arrange what help/services she needs.
Guardianship may even ben needed to change her living situation if she gets to a point she can no longer decide things for herself, although hopefully your POA may be enough.
Finding out legally what is within your POA role would be of benefit to both of you - as the law is the most firm boundary.
Txt back, sorry can't.
Then don't visit for a day.
Basically, stall.
Or, go straight up.
"I am not your takeout delivery service".
Are the conditions that activate your PoA authority met so that you can legally make decisions in her best interests now?
In your post you mention "fantasies"... it is possible she now has a UTI or "hospital delirium" so discuss this with her doctor so she can get treated.
We can't chose our relatives but we can chose whether and how much we interact with them. Every day I have to remind myself that my 94-yr old Mother's behaviors and words are being directed by her dementia and not a well brain or her heart. It's hard when they look the same but are now changed forever after.
You can use "therapeutic fibs" with your sister now: "The doctor says you cannot have takeout food until you are out." or whatever narrative you think she will believe. There is nothing immoral or unethical about this.
She must be overentitled in the extreme. I can assure you that I never, in various times in the hospital, ever thought of asking for better food to be brought from outside. I ate whatever they brought, as most people there did.
On the other hand, if she is Catherine, Princess of Wales, now recovering from abdominal surgery in London, maybe I could understand it. But I think Kate probably brought her own cook from the palace to help......
Wishing you and your sister well.
How's that.
"No, you are in the hospital and on a special diet. I have not the inclination nor time to do that".
If you feel that you cannot stand up to your sister, that you are too different, I think that you should resign as her POA while she is competent still, and you are able to do so. I was POA and Trustee of Trust for my brother. We were so alike as to be peas in one pod, and Hansel to Gretel in the dark woods of life. He was organized, kind and very cooperative. And given all THAT it was a difficult job.
I don't believe that blood dictates a duty of care. A duty of care comes of love and affection and mutual respect. There are ways for your sister to get the care of the state in guardianship if ever in need, and until that need arises to make her own decisions for her own life.
Just my opinion.