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I know my Mom is showboating and down playing things that are going on.
I'm hurt for her that she can't see that her relatives aren't helping because they don't want to, not because she is telling them not to.
If they are letting me handle it because 'she's my mama' and it's all on me, that's an extremely poor excuse.
I've chosen not to talk to them. I am not going to tell them what I really feel about where she is going, to that newly redone apartment.
She down plays any 'help' I give her.
So, I told her today: the first night you spend in the apartment will be your moving out of my house. I will take whatever else she has here to her, there will be no need to come back.
I am second guessing myself but I can't keep being pulled back and forth with this. She is also trying to make me feel like I am kicking her out.
This is all so f*d up.
When she loses her phone, and I can't reach her, then what???
Now she lives across town and my relatives aren't going to see to her anymore than they have while she's here.
She has new appliances, thermostat and so forth that are fairly easy for me to use but it will take time for me to program, meanwhile she is harping on me saying I will get somebody to do it...so on and so on and so on.
The kicker is-there is my brothers house-all the extra stuff (furniture, etc) she is leaving there and moving it as she pleases.
I'm just WORRIED that the new neighbors in her old neighbor (apartment complex) don't know her and she has no filters.
If she would just stay in my brothers house, it would be so much easier on me, and possibly the relatives. But alas, she wants access to BOTH places to do as she pleases. Which from what I can tell...is not very much at all-physically.
I know I should be thrilled she is finally moving out, but why am I still worrying so much and do I just turn my back and turn off the fear I have for her safety and let it go?
I hate the place she is moving back to. I don't think she's really like it either. But she's got to be stubborn and she has the support of doing that.

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thank you for the support here. I just have to remind myself she was ready to get back to her life too. Thankful she is stubborn enough to try. As bad as it was living with her-she is still my Mom. Well, you know.
take care and hugs to everyone :)
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Reply to Rbuser1
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Because you know...it will all come back on you. So, (and this is from a worrywart and a person easily guilted) Get a thick skin. When she bitches, remind her this is what she wanted. I have said in a couple of posts, this was my DHs attitude with his Mom, her choice to move to Fla. Her choice not to move closer to one of her sons when FIL passed. This is from a son who, if she lived here, would do everything for her.

You can't change Mom, you can change you. You have told her she can't return stick by that. If you don't, she will just walk all over you.

Now, take a deep breath and start ur new life.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You're worried because you know there will be issues forthcoming. Worrying about the future is called Anxiety. Worrying about the past is Depression. Since you can't prevent mother from hurting herself, just try to let go of the anxiety and wait for the phone to ring.........what else CAN you do? It's not 'turning your back' on her.........it's getting on with your OWN life and allowing her to do the same with hers. Right? Try to think of it that way and allow yourself to breathe. Go do something just for YOU without giving a thought to anyone else. Be 'selfish' for a change and get a mani/pedi or go buy yourself a lux purse. Or some fine chocolate. Or take a nice long drive to decompress. Focus on doing something every single day JUST for you that will help you let go of anxiety and focus on peace of mind. Meditation comes to mind, yoga, lunch with a friend, things like that.

One day at a time, right? Sending you a big HUG!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Rbuser1 Jan 12, 2020
lealonnie1, I appreciate your reply. This is her first night in her apartment and I set it up as comfortable as she would allow me. We argued the whole time. When I got ready to go she hugged me and said I'm going to cry.
I don't know if she was blowing smoke or what. I just don't know. I'm going to play it by ear at this point and hope for the best.
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Hugs!

I am so sorry that you are struggling with her and her meanness towards you.

RB, you have been a daughter that any mom would be proud to have, you have helped her in so many ways and you so desire her love and approval, it is not you, it is her. She can't give you what you are working so hard to get. Please try to come to terms with the fact that something is missing in HER and not you. Nothing you do can change that or fix it in any way, you are spending energy on a lost cause. Please, please find a way to accept that you are not what she makes you feel like you are.

You can't care more about her than she does herself, it is destroying you.

Let her go and do whatever she wants to do and you start taking care of you.

You matter and you deserve to have peace and joy and happiness in your life, please find people and activities that heal you and build you up. Great big hug!

Whatever happens to her is the direct consequences of her choices, remember that.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Rbuser1 Jan 12, 2020
Thank you, ITRR. I'm going to try.
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