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Mother sleeps alot. She and I stay in a senior facility in Independent Living. I am her full time caregiver. We have a very nice experience here coming from a "rogue facility" that was a nightmare. My brother, sister-in-law and a cousin represented the dysfunction in our family where they went along with whatever the rogue faciity did or said. My brother has come around to support me being Mother's full time caregiver as when the rogue facility cut my hours, he was astonished at the $25.00 per hour charge for full time Nurses Aids after Mother was injured from the facility's negligence. My sister-in-law has avoided any warmth towards Mother for the last 30 or 40 years and it turned out my flamboyant cousin was an instigator, in tight with management with ties to them because he is booked as an entertainer several times a year. I told him we are family, he should have come to me and Mother and found out what she wanted and what I, as her caregiver, daughter and POA of Health Care thought was best. He is very judgmental with a superiority complex. I told him that instead of meeting with management and encouraging them to take over care of Mother he should have talked to us and clued us in because we are family. It was a disaster for Mother. She has not regained her vitality or mobility but has some improvement since we got away from that situation. It was very stressful. Mother is loving and cheerful, is aware and social. She has recovered mentally from all her falls. She now has meals in the dining room and sits with very nice ladies and every day or every other day she takes part in an activity or we go out for a meal, or to an appointment or for a walk outside, with Mother in the wheel chair. As far as our guest list, we want the two ladies from our table, 5 generations of our immediate family. We also are also close with Mother's 2nd husband's family. They have been calling and are excited about Mother's 100th birthday. I have lost track of my other cousins although we were close at one time. I do not want to bring my cousin here as he has been too negative about me and Mother. Mother says she just wants him to leave us alone. I don't think my brother and sister-in-law would come as they will be in our city the end of this month and they do not often travel. I think if a few of us got together and sang one of mother's favorite songs and we all sang Happy Birthday that would be good. Any experiences or ideas would be appreciated.

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Yes, it's so nice when posters come back and give an update.

I sometimes wonder what in the world happened, when there is a particularly busy thread, where responses are given and then no update on the situation is ever provided by the person who asked the question. It 's concerning, but, also perplexing. I mean, where do they go? lol
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You described the decor and your moms outfit in such great detail I could see it. It sounded beautiful. I love the happy birthday sprinkles on the tablecloths and the choir was such a great idea. I'm sure the whole facility was abuzz with such a grand party. You did a great job. Such an inspiration. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for posting about how the party went. I'm glad it was a success.
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Try to find something from each year of her life.
MAke a huge poster with all those pictures and items from each year.

You could add a narrative to each.

Not only would it be fun for her to have those memories, but it shows such a deep love for her.

The nicest gift I ever received was a birthday "book" my daughter made...with pictures and articles from each year of my life. She pasted it together and bound it with a ribbon. I still have it.
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The outcome. Mom's 100th Birthday Party was a great occasion. None of the antagonistic family members came to the party. Mom's second husbands family were all there. He passed in 2012. They are Mother's (step) children, grandchildren and a great grandchild. They came from many far away places in the US. It was real quality time spent together at lunch the day before and the day of the party. Mother, myself and grand, great grand and great, great grandchildren were there all dressed up in their finest. We invited all the residents in the facility to attend, the choir from my church, the Church Bible Study Group, and the staff was in and out to say Happy Birthday to Mom. Mom loved the video put to music from a selection of photos from ancestors to present set to two Frank Sinatra crooner love songs. It was a 7 minute DVD slide show professionally made by an employee of a video arts studio who did the work on the side. The choir sang a beautiful Happy Birthday and then again with a resident of the facility who was an opera soprano and another time with the everyone in the room. A violin player wandered though the room playing music and the children followed her dancing with musical shakers and other musical sticks and things through the room and in the hallway where the overflo was sitting. Daughter-in-law and son and a friend made all the food, we bought cakes and a friend went all out with white and hot pink tablecloths, runners, napkins and lace designed paper plates. Mom wore a silver dress she has been saving(for her funeral) for 20 years with black tights and a black tank top showing where the dress makes a v shape at the neckline. She wore a black velvet Holiday headband with pink and sparkled flowers plus a freeze dried rose wrist corsage. We had tiny sparkled little Happy Birthday cutouts sprinkled on the tablecloths. Visually it was just breathtaking. We had a flower arrangements or a plant on each table from the guests. Mother has never been so happy. She held up from 12:30 when we went downstairs until after 3:00 after having opened about half of the presents.  She loved every moment. We have many pictures and received many thanks for having the party. For me, it is the best memory of a family gathering of my lifetime. We took advice from AgingCare Answers above and we are most grateful for input. (For me, not having mean dysfunctional family members who have abused and slandered me throughout my lifetime and caused Mother great harm coupled with church members who sang and prayed with me freed me from unhappiness of bad family get- togethers of the past. Also it is evident that we are blessed with the loving family members and guests who attended. It is a new loving era in our lives. Praise God.
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For my mom's 90th birthday we made a video presentation of pics of my mom and family throughout the years. We had it on a loop system so it just played with themed music my mom loved (Sentimental Journey, In the Good Old Summertime, songs by the Lennon Sisters, etc). We also had picture boards around the room for the guests to look at as they ate cake and ice cream. Mom stayed in her wheelchair and seemed pleased to see so many familiar faces even though she couldn't recall names or communicate well. We asked the guests to bring birthday cards with pictures of themselves with mom (if possible) and to write a remembrance inside the card. We made an album of all the cards and pictures afterwards. Mom was happy and that's all that mattered.
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It sounds as though your lovely mother's disposition makes her the sort of person who will be happy and thrilled to be celebrated no matter what.

Eeyore, the donkey character in the Winnie-the-Pooh children's stories, was given a burst balloon (there'd been an accident) and an empty honey jar (Pooh couldn't resist temptation) for his birthday. Pooh Bear and Piglet were shame-faced that they hadn't managed anything better; but Eeyore put the balloon into the honey jar, and took it out again, and put it back in again, and was as happy and pleased as anyone could be.

It isn't what you get. It's the love you realise is there that matters.
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If your family practise your faith , then have your moms special day start with a
Thanksgiving Mass if a priest is available . You can go a a nearby church and ask the parish priest if he can have the mass celebrated outside the church. It will be a wonderful experience with our Lord being present in the celebration
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How about having what you want for her party. Let your brother know about it but offer that instead of them having to make a special trip for the event that the two of you (and his wife if she wants) go out with Mom for a special family celebration. If you do reach out to family let them know that Mom would appreciate a card and maybe copies of family photos, explain that she is not up to a big celebration and that you are just having something small with other people a the IL.
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several thoughts....music from her era, pictures of her past (even better if its a video on a computer, short party, simple everything else. For my dad's 80th, we were all together on vacation and the grandkids sang him a song and hung 80 hearts with a memory on each, but for their 90th they were in more frail health so we kept it much simpler. Family, some old neighbors, some church friends...
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What if you all did digging and found pictures and news articles from each year she has lived. Write a narrative about that year...bond it all together in a scrap book for her?

Give a gift that requires thought and your own hands to make always means more.
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Thank you all for your ideas. There are a lot to choose from. Also greatly appreciated is the advice to forget about family members who caused problems for Mother and myself at the rogue facility. I am printing out your answers to have ready to combat any feelings that we should forgive and invite them. That would be an opportunity for them to bring miseries to us where we now are. We have talked to the Activities Director and have the Activities Room on her Birthday for an Open House. We can make it for few hours. The Facility is excited about the event too, It will be on a Sunday after Church, on her actual birthday date, with the works. We can bring in entertainment and can put pictures on a disc and have them on a large screen TV in the room. Mom has great pictures from when she was a child and at the beach with Bathing Suits that look like the late 20's, early 30's. There are many gems over her lifetime. Mom loves music and loves to sing. Loved the idea of gathering the old time songs Mom used to play and sing to me when I was a child through all her favorites and more recent artists. We can have a cake or cupcakes, and we can ask my Church Choir Members and Bible Study Group to send cards and come to the event too. Happy Birthday is the try-out song for the Choir. Mother says she is up to it and will stay awake for the afternoon God Willing. Thank you all for sharing ideas for this happy, momentous occasion. I can start writing dignitaries for correspondence and Smucker's too. I understand they will put her picture on the front label of a jelly jar.
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While turning 100 is a great celebration, if your mom sleeps a lot and has not regained her vitality, I'd try to keep the occasion short and sweet. I don't know your mom's state of mind, but, I know some seniors are not really into large groups of people and noise. It annoys them. I'd take that into consideration, before inviting a crowd or arrange for her to retire to her room if she gets tired.

I hope she has a lovely 100 birthday!
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About a month before my aunt's 100th birthday, I sent a letter to every living president, as well as the pope, letting them know of this milestone birthday. Each and every one of them responded with a very kind letter.
My aunt was so happy to have received the letters, that she hung them on the wall in her room of her long term stay facility (nursing home). She told me that she wanted all her friends and the workers in the facility to see them. She was proud to have received them.
Happy 100th birthday to your mom!
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We did the 90 cards for my moms 90th. That's a nice way to extend the party. My ( husbands ) 90 yr old aunt tells a story about her great grandmothers 100th. She was from Louisiana and wanted an outdoor dance floor and a Creole band with an accordion player and fiddler. She wanted to dance. She lived in a little house in her grandsons backyard. He made sure she got it. The photo showed a little lady in white sitting besides a huge white cake with all the candles. For whatever reason my aunt only has that picture, none of the party participants. There are newspaper clippings where the local paper interviewed her. This was in the 40s. She lived for 10 more months. For my aunts 90th she had a party in her home but her request was for photos of all her extended family and her husbands family for a new photo album. We call it her Face Book. So we had fun making phone calls and requesting the photos and then putting them in her album. It was easy with a smart phone. No mailing necessary. I just printed them out at Costco. She has dementia so is very proud when she can name a few of them. She doesnt remember the day now but loves to hear about it. We also had a Creole musician with an accordian as a nod to her ancestry.  
I have a great aunt in my family who is 103. For her 100th she had a tame dinner at a country club. Just a cake and close family since then. It is a wonderful occasion but can be very tiring for the bd girl so be careful.
I remember a previous post and am so glad that you and your mom are doing better now.
You've done a wonderful job protecting and caring for your mom. I hope she has a great 100 th.
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What a great day to celebrate. We got as many people together for my grandmothers 100. What a great day. Photos, cupcakes and family. The photos were so important because within 6 months we lost my mom, my aunt then my grandmother. I have a photo of the 3 of them together, it was very powerful for me. Celebrate the day! She wanted to get to 100.
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there is a blog here @AgingCare.com where a lady made recordings of songs from the era of her mother. This would be a wonderful addition to her party! Awesome to turn 100. My Ray will be 96 in September!

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-care-surrounded-by-sound-428032.htm
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We just had my mom's 100th birthday in January. We have lots of cousins and her Polish family has no problem with family get togethers. We put a blurb in the town newspaper (a small weekly) with her picture and a brief biography. The State of CT and the town sent her plaques. They have to be informed, of course.. One cousin wanted the state representative to come to present the plaque. I said 'Absolutely not. This is a family and close friends event. If he comes, I will personally escort him out!'
We had Polish small plates and fruit for eats. Flowers on the tables are nice. My son give a very sweet talk about his "feisty " grandmother and a few other cousins said a few words. The family and friends welcomed the opportunity to meet and an excuse to travel some distances for the get together. She enjoyed the family around her.
It was simple, lasting about 2 - 3 hours. I have to say that it was indeed a happy, memorable event.  Be firm with anyone who wants to overdo it.  It's your idea and you know her needs best. 
Happy party!
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Agree with everyone here. Do not invite the creeps. My mother is in much the same situation as your mother, just had her 91st birthday, happy people were there, her best memory now is she had all the chocolate cake she wanted, and it was lit with sparklers which she'd never seen. Nice. We got her a bracelet with all of her grandchildren's initials and stones, next year will be a bracelet with her great-grandchildren. BTW, it went too long, she paid the next day, so try to keep it short. Good luck to you.
Also - my mother did not want to invite the people at her AL, it was just too much for her to take in. So ask her what she wants, then take it with a grain of salt.
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Put out the word to any clubs, organizations, church, etc. where you are a member and ask them to send cards for mom's 100th. You will be surprised at how many will do that. I belong to a fan club and after I posted a request mom got cards from around the world. If you have time, you can request a card from the President of the U.S., via your member of Congress. It might or might not happen. Mom never received anything. There is quite a bit of advance notice required.

Did/Does mom have favorite hobbies or interests? My mom loved to bake so I put together a booklet of her favorite recipes, some with brief stories as to how the recipe was acquired or how often we served it. Include a few old photos too. If you don't have a scanner, I'm sure someone at the facility does and would help out.

Make a big sign for the door, invite all the neighbors. Everyone loves a party.
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Invite the people that you want there to celebrate, forget the rest. If anyone says anything tell people that you were limited by space.
Have a nice cake, don't forget the ice cream.
Enjoy the day!!
Oh, and I think it would be awesome to get 100 signatures or if possible 100 birthday cards for her.
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What an incredible milestone! You are an amazing daughter, so thoughtful and kind to make sure her special day is celebrated. I think your idea sounds wonderful. I think the most important thing is to be surrounded by family and friends. And to take lots and lots of pictures to mark the special day.
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