Can anyone give tips on how to make a 100th birthday party a truly loving and great experience for their loved one?

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Mother sleeps alot. She and I stay in a senior facility in Independent Living. I am her full time caregiver. We have a very nice experience here coming from a "rogue facility" that was a nightmare. My brother, sister-in-law and a cousin represented the dysfunction in our family where they went along with whatever the rogue faciity did or said. My brother has come around to support me being Mother's full time caregiver as when the rogue facility cut my hours, he was astonished at the $25.00 per hour charge for full time Nurses Aids after Mother was injured from the facility's negligence. My sister-in-law has avoided any warmth towards Mother for the last 30 or 40 years and it turned out my flamboyant cousin was an instigator, in tight with management with ties to them because he is booked as an entertainer several times a year. I told him we are family, he should have come to me and Mother and found out what she wanted and what I, as her caregiver, daughter and POA of Health Care thought was best. He is very judgmental with a superiority complex. I told him that instead of meeting with management and encouraging them to take over care of Mother he should have talked to us and clued us in because we are family. It was a disaster for Mother. She has not regained her vitality or mobility but has some improvement since we got away from that situation. It was very stressful. Mother is loving and cheerful, is aware and social. She has recovered mentally from all her falls. She now has meals in the dining room and sits with very nice ladies and every day or every other day she takes part in an activity or we go out for a meal, or to an appointment or for a walk outside, with Mother in the wheel chair. As far as our guest list, we want the two ladies from our table, 5 generations of our immediate family. We also are also close with Mother's 2nd husband's family. They have been calling and are excited about Mother's 100th birthday. I have lost track of my other cousins although we were close at one time. I do not want to bring my cousin here as he has been too negative about me and Mother. Mother says she just wants him to leave us alone. I don't think my brother and sister-in-law would come as they will be in our city the end of this month and they do not often travel. I think if a few of us got together and sang one of mother's favorite songs and we all sang Happy Birthday that would be good. Any experiences or ideas would be appreciated.

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Yes, it's so nice when posters come back and give an update.

I sometimes wonder what in the world happened, when there is a particularly busy thread, where responses are given and then no update on the situation is ever provided by the person who asked the question. It 's concerning, but, also perplexing. I mean, where do they go? lol
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You described the decor and your moms outfit in such great detail I could see it. It sounded beautiful. I love the happy birthday sprinkles on the tablecloths and the choir was such a great idea. I'm sure the whole facility was abuzz with such a grand party. You did a great job. Such an inspiration. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for posting about how the party went. I'm glad it was a success.
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Try to find something from each year of her life.
MAke a huge poster with all those pictures and items from each year.

You could add a narrative to each.

Not only would it be fun for her to have those memories, but it shows such a deep love for her.

The nicest gift I ever received was a birthday "book" my daughter made...with pictures and articles from each year of my life. She pasted it together and bound it with a ribbon. I still have it.
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The outcome. Mom's 100th Birthday Party was a great occasion. None of the antagonistic family members came to the party. Mom's second husbands family were all there. He passed in 2012. They are Mother's (step) children, grandchildren and a great grandchild. They came from many far away places in the US. It was real quality time spent together at lunch the day before and the day of the party. Mother, myself and grand, great grand and great, great grandchildren were there all dressed up in their finest. We invited all the residents in the facility to attend, the choir from my church, the Church Bible Study Group, and the staff was in and out to say Happy Birthday to Mom. Mom loved the video put to music from a selection of photos from ancestors to present set to two Frank Sinatra crooner love songs. It was a 7 minute DVD slide show professionally made by an employee of a video arts studio who did the work on the side. The choir sang a beautiful Happy Birthday and then again with a resident of the facility who was an opera soprano and another time with the everyone in the room. A violin player wandered though the room playing music and the children followed her dancing with musical shakers and other musical sticks and things through the room and in the hallway where the overflo was sitting. Daughter-in-law and son and a friend made all the food, we bought cakes and a friend went all out with white and hot pink tablecloths, runners, napkins and lace designed paper plates. Mom wore a silver dress she has been saving(for her funeral) for 20 years with black tights and a black tank top showing where the dress makes a v shape at the neckline. She wore a black velvet Holiday headband with pink and sparkled flowers plus a freeze dried rose wrist corsage. We had tiny sparkled little Happy Birthday cutouts sprinkled on the tablecloths. Visually it was just breathtaking. We had a flower arrangements or a plant on each table from the guests. Mother has never been so happy. She held up from 12:30 when we went downstairs until after 3:00 after having opened about half of the presents.  She loved every moment. We have many pictures and received many thanks for having the party. For me, it is the best memory of a family gathering of my lifetime. We took advice from AgingCare Answers above and we are most grateful for input. (For me, not having mean dysfunctional family members who have abused and slandered me throughout my lifetime and caused Mother great harm coupled with church members who sang and prayed with me freed me from unhappiness of bad family get- togethers of the past. Also it is evident that we are blessed with the loving family members and guests who attended. It is a new loving era in our lives. Praise God.
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For my mom's 90th birthday we made a video presentation of pics of my mom and family throughout the years. We had it on a loop system so it just played with themed music my mom loved (Sentimental Journey, In the Good Old Summertime, songs by the Lennon Sisters, etc). We also had picture boards around the room for the guests to look at as they ate cake and ice cream. Mom stayed in her wheelchair and seemed pleased to see so many familiar faces even though she couldn't recall names or communicate well. We asked the guests to bring birthday cards with pictures of themselves with mom (if possible) and to write a remembrance inside the card. We made an album of all the cards and pictures afterwards. Mom was happy and that's all that mattered.
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It sounds as though your lovely mother's disposition makes her the sort of person who will be happy and thrilled to be celebrated no matter what.

Eeyore, the donkey character in the Winnie-the-Pooh children's stories, was given a burst balloon (there'd been an accident) and an empty honey jar (Pooh couldn't resist temptation) for his birthday. Pooh Bear and Piglet were shame-faced that they hadn't managed anything better; but Eeyore put the balloon into the honey jar, and took it out again, and put it back in again, and was as happy and pleased as anyone could be.

It isn't what you get. It's the love you realise is there that matters.
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If your family practise your faith , then have your moms special day start with a
Thanksgiving Mass if a priest is available . You can go a a nearby church and ask the parish priest if he can have the mass celebrated outside the church. It will be a wonderful experience with our Lord being present in the celebration
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How about having what you want for her party. Let your brother know about it but offer that instead of them having to make a special trip for the event that the two of you (and his wife if she wants) go out with Mom for a special family celebration. If you do reach out to family let them know that Mom would appreciate a card and maybe copies of family photos, explain that she is not up to a big celebration and that you are just having something small with other people a the IL.
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several thoughts....music from her era, pictures of her past (even better if its a video on a computer, short party, simple everything else. For my dad's 80th, we were all together on vacation and the grandkids sang him a song and hung 80 hearts with a memory on each, but for their 90th they were in more frail health so we kept it much simpler. Family, some old neighbors, some church friends...
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