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Gran complains about loneliness but says she can’t be bothered to join any local groups/ the local church and makes excuses.


She is very stubborn and won’t make any changes to her life like buying new things or spending money which she sees as unnecessary e.g. she loves cruising but refuses to pay the £800 insurance which she can easily afford so she can go with my aunt and cousins so she is now miserable about not going on cruises but is in the viscous of cycle of complaining about this and complaining about the cost....


She lives near to my aunt who is caring for another elderly relative and her daughter and has little time to visit and support gran, and the rest of her family live a few hours away.


Whenever we ring her or see her she complains that she hasn’t done anything or talked to anyone but whenever we suggest joining local groups or going to the local church or going to a club (art, chess, French, etc) she says she can’t be bothered or makes other excuses


Her excuses are


- she has a bad knee and can’t walk to the bus stop but she doesn’t want a scooter and doesn’t want to pay for the bus fare (even though she is practically sitting on a fortune)


- she can make a cup of coffee at home so why would she go out


- she has her computer and tv so she isn’t bored or lonely (and then in the next breath will complain about how she has nobody to talk to)


- she doesn’t want weird people in her house


- she says she has friends (talking to her neighbors maybe once a week at best and her competition club that meets once a month at best that she wants to quit)


We ask her what she would like to do and she says she doesn’t know and just wants to sit at home and watch tv. She refuses any ideas of age UKs services of lunch groups and befriending etc. It seems pretty hopeless! Please help!!!!

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Oh my lands, I have to laugh because I so don't get why they can't say something like, I would love to hear from you more often, instead it is a merry chase about loneliness.

As others have said, you can not make her happy and she won't do anything about the situation. So acknowledge it and move on to a different subject.
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I know it’s upsetting to you that your gran is lonely but there isn’t much you can do about it. She has to decide to participate in activities.

Has she always been the way she is currently or was she more active before? Is she depressed or anxious about anything?

I don’t think you can influence her to change. Some people are set in their ways.
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Yup. What do YOU plan to do about your boredom, Gran? Nothing? Oh, that's unfortunate.

You can't save a person from herself. Nor should you be a sounding board for chronic complaining from a person who has no intention of helping herself fix the problem she's chronically complaining about!
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"I'm so sorry to hear that gran". "You might be right about that gran". "I can see how you might feel that way".

Her happiness is her business. You can't make her happy.
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Call her bluff. Every time she complains ask her what she is prepared to do about it?

It is one of ways of setting boundaries.
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