I have no help from sibling, no money. My fiance was going to help me with all of this, but he passed away a few years ago. I grieve for what could have been, but my immediate problem is trying to keep her clean without her crying and screaming at me. I live in a county that has no benefits available in my area for much of anything useful. Any suggestions would be helpful?

I've found that no rinse products work best.    They can be used in a living room or bedroom, the individual kept warm, and no complete disrobing is necessary.  Nor is anyone exposed to water, possibly slippery floors, and cold or privacy challenges of disrobing.

I learned about no rinse shampoo and no rinse washes during stints in rehab, where they're used commonly to clean patients while still in bed.
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Reply to GardenArtist

Have u tried Medicaid? Only Moms income is considered. They provide homecare.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Hi Angel. I bathe my Mom while she is sitting on the toilet. I put thick towels down on the floor to absorb the water and I fully wash her hair first and towel dry. Then move on to upper body, wash, rinse, dry, clothe. Then move on to her lower half and do the same, then finish up with her feet. Much easier than trying to shower her myself even with the shower chair. Good luck.
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Reply to Sweetstuff

Is there dementia at play here or is it something else?

Washing will likely go better if the bathroom is kept excessively warm and when the risk of falling is minimized through the use of sturdy grab bars and shower chairs, or a transfer bench if dealing with a tub. Hand held showers are also a better way to wash when seated.
You might have more success if you break bathing down into components rather than trying to do it all at once - feet and legs can be dealt with in a foot bath, hair can be done on "spa day", between shower days the body can be cleaned with a sponge bath.

One other thought - a bath aide once a week might be the answer :)
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Reply to cwillie

Have you explored every avenue possible to find aid? I spent hours and hours researching help on Google. It’s hard to believe that there’s any country on the planet that treats it’s elderly citizens worse than the United States does.

It’s very concerning that you could become injured yourself trying to maintain her personal hygiene for her. Can you ask her doctor for help? I tend to use bath wipes for my husband occasionally. It’s better than nothing although can get expensive.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Seniors who have dementia can be quite resistant to care. Convincing her of anything is likely to be impossible. Have you tried to bathe her from the sink and not use a shower? Have you discussed it with her doctor? I might explore medication if she's overly anxious and mentally distressed. I'd explore getting her help. If she needs help, it may be that your resources and income are not considered, but ,hers and she might qualify, depending on her monthly income. You can check with an attorney or social worker from you county department of social services. Sometimes, people who are disabled and/or have dementia, get top priority when it comes to benefits and resources.

Sadly, some people with dementia easily become agitated and are resistant to care. I would encourage you to find respite care, because long term caregivers often get overwhelmed in these kind of situations. There are options, It's just a matter of finding the right people with the information.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

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