How to deal with an elderly widower (7 months) that attempts to do to much for me?


I took care of a woman (Parkinson's) for 5 yrs. The husband retained me to continue to clean the house after she passed. He insists he "loves" me and wants me to move in, etc. I have already stated I am not interested and I am only willing to clean house for him. He tries to do things for me even after I refuse his help.
He accused me of being "nervous" when I called and asked him if I could come in two hours later than normal due to ice on the roads, he said my "logic" (I said it was not appropriate) was flawed when I wouldn't let him pay to insulate my attic This is really getting tedious.
I need this income until I can find another job to replace it. I am trying to maintain a professional attitude and express my concern that he is not acting right. He says I just don't get it or understand. I do understand but I am not a stand in for his wife... period.
I do not feel comfortable talking to his family about his behavior. They were not involved during their mothers illness and do not come visit him very often now.
I am looking for other work and will give him notice. I really am trying my darnest to maintain a professional demeanor.
Two of his friends asked me if he had asked me to marry him yet. So obviously he is talking about me to others?
Any suggestions.. other than.. get another job.. would be greatly appreciated.

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It's a delicate situation. Small town and all my jobs are through referrals. I have to take the higher road and work through it. Just need to find the words. If there is such a thing.
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He has many interests and is actively involved with them, but I think, just me thinking here, he is very controlling.
A small example, his wife would have visitors and he would take over and control the interaction. After her Parkinson s got so bad she was bed ridden he would say to her he was going to mow all her plants down and stop feeding the birds. So I did it for her and would take her out to enjoy it even if it was just through me.
He can't "control" me and I think he is trying to get me under his control. I could be totally off here. I am not a psychiatrist.
I am 24 yrs younger than he is. I think, again just thinking, He saw the care I took of his wife and he thinks that can translate over to him. I have another client who is near 100 and she is dying. I check on her often. He said. What about my needs. Like I AM NOT there to take care of his "needs" I clean his house. He says things like, this woman wants me to date her mother. I encourage him. He gets silent. He is trying to manipulate me and I am not buying it. Yes, it is very very uncomfortable. I get my work done and leave. I just try to maintain a professional attitude and distance. It's only become uncomfortable in the last couple of weeks. Mainly because he is not taking my words and indifference seriously.
As soon as I can replace even a part of the income I will give notice. I do not feel comfortable in myself to just quit. Just unprofessional.
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If you can get him to assisted living he will be surrounded by women and no doubt find one he likes. He craves companionship, his social side is still very active. Get social services to help if you can.
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It reminds me of what I'm going through with an elderly man. He calls me all the time and tries to come by the house. He asked me if I could ever be interested in someone his age. I told him only as a friend. I don't take his calls, then he gets mad at me. I feel like such a bad guy, though I'm not the one in the wrong here. I am glad I don't work for him. That would be awful.

I imagine that you're a good bit younger than him. He may have misconstrued your employee courtesy to him as interest. Some men misinterpret friendliness, though I don't know why. It sounds like you are doing everything right and he is making your job very uncomfortable. I would put in my notice unless what he pays you is needed badly. Being around someone who is putting pressure on you is certainly uncomfortable. And I wonder if he would assume that since you continued to work that you really are interested. To him you may be playing hard to get. He's probably lonely, and if you aren't there maybe he'll find someone who will be interested in him.
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Is he involved in any activities of any sort? I would do what I could tomencourage him to get out of the house. Mix and mingle in places that have activities that he would enjoy. What about Elks, Sertoma, Rotary, Kiwanis, VFW? There has got to be something that he would enjoy doing. And wear that band.
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Unfortunately, I am not married, do not want to be married nor be in any relationship.
I have known him to long to get that trick to work /sadface
This is a very small town and everyone knows everyone else s business. Difficult situation to be sure. I am just trying to find the words to get through to him. I read a statistic that 63 percent of widowers marry their housekeepers. For petes sake.
I am not one of those percents.
I love what I do and consider myself very blessed to be able to help others and earn an okay living.
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Are you married? Can you tell him you reconciled with your ex? Get a cheap wedding band and go with it. I found some particular the macho ones, can not comprehend that you pull not want them, but somehow they can accept that you are taken.....old trick.
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