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Hi- my mother has dementia . My brother lives in the Family home. My mother is in a care home. She is 100 in July this year. I have no access to the family home . My brother has refused me entry. He claims he has Power of Attorney! This is inconvenient as when I visit my mother I I have to stay in a hotel. I live in London. My mother in West Yorks

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I too would like to hear more from the OP person, I hope he will be back with an update.
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Nick 1954? I'm curious? We all gave our valuable time to answer your question, are you reading our answers? I'm wondering what you're thinking?
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Being the companion and caregiver is a lot of hard work, tell your brother you appreciate him bearing the brunt on the responsibility. I tend to side with the person doing the work. If you trust him enough to not give up your life to care for mom, trust him enough to do the right thing. If you are going to question him be ready to contribute equally to the chore of caring for mom.
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Your brother may be trying to protect what is left of her home. Mom no sooner went into ALF and things started to grow legs and disappear. I feel so bad when I see that happen. Respect his privacy.
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I thought you could request a copy of the POA...I guess see a lawyer. But yeah, the will has to wait.
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I think more to the point at the moment is that a) you want to see your mother and b) your brother needs to provide proof that he indeed is POA to you. The will issue will resolve one way or another. It is after all, her money, not his or yours. I am a little intrigued as to why that came up first. I think I'd tell your brother that he needs to explain why he refuses to let you see your mother, if there isn't any reasonable explanation that we aren't hearing here, and if he will not allow that nor will show you proof that he has the authority to keep you from her, I would get a lawyer.
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How old are you....if mom is 100, then you are surely "launched" as an Adult and able to fly on your own. Why would you expect your mom, or your brother, to pay you to come for a visit? Something not right with that, in my book. Your mom is the only mom you'll ever have. You can go visit, or you can not. Make your choice carefully.
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Ask this question with someone who knows UK laws and how they relate to family law. I won't even touch this one except to say I had four siblings who were just as rotten...
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I miss read your post sorry. I would try to speak to her doctor and I would also try to find out when he got the POA? Finding out if she was lucid at the time. As far as being a buzzard I am sorry that was said it has happened sadly at every funeral or death I have had to be close to by someone. Your brother being angry or resentful may be his right it is very, very difficult to deal with someone with dementia and to do it by yourself omg. What a tough job and very hard on that person. My significant other had brain cancer and did not know anyone all the time but me. After us being together for 15 years they were upset I got a poa only for his medical. I had to show we had other things we owned bank accounts etc. As it is we have a house together and bank accounts together so the hospital took my side. But I had to get those papers to prove we had been together for sometime. Now thank goodness he is well and have all of that taken care of. But I would only do it once his doctor agreed and his doctor (thank goodness) told the sons he already knew his wishes and I was not doing anything there father would not want me to do. Good Luck to You.
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The Power of Attorney is only good if they are alive once someone dies it is null and void. If your Mothers will is filed in the court house of where she lives it is available to anyone to see. It may cost a few dollars to get a copy. So sad you come to see your mother and your not allowed to.
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We can only address what we see and read in the post, and can only offer our own advice based on our own experiences. This post identifies 2 "problems":
1). Bro won't let sis see will. Solution: The will is none of the poster's business until the person dies;
2). Bro won't allow poster to stay in parent's home when visiting. Solution: The house is the brother's home, and he has control over who he wants in his home, regardless of who owns it. Posted should have spent more time working on relationship with bro; he might have been more willing to allow poster to stay in his home!
Bottom line: Poster has no recourse and has no reason for recourse. It's not about any of the "missing parts of the story".
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Hey, folks, let us be kind, but if we do bicker the last one standing should offer to buy lunch.
Grace + Peace.
Bob
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The point is, there's a lot about this story that we don't know. We need to not assume who's the good guy, who's the bad guy, what's been going on for years and what hasn't. Frankly, other than pointing out that wills aren't public until the person dies, we're not in a position to advise! There's way way way too much missing here.
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I'm not making assumptions. I just know how families operate when it comes to money. It's also funny how it becomes suddenly a prime importance at such an advanced age when their care giving should have been ongoing for decades.
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Sorry, this one sounds like classic sibling BS, and the only real thing to be concerned about is whether mom is getting the proper care. Everything else is typical dysfunctional family nonsense.
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I don`t think anyone can make assumptions here about this person. The brother may not be caregiving, he may have moved himself in, and while she may not have a legal right to see the will, to preserve goodwill, if he has the will, he could show it to his sister and offer to let her stay with him. I don`t think any of us has the right to judge her.
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In my opinion, since your mom is 100 years old, why have you waited so long to be suddenly interested in her care. Or are you possibly one of the buzzards waiting for the prey to die. I apologize sounding so cold, but I know how families get when it comes to an impending death. They fight for the pickings and it's disgusting. I know EXACTLY how families get.
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Why do you want to see the will? You have no right to, you know, and your brother should not be violating your mother's privacy by showing it.

If Mother's house had been sold to pay for her care, you would have to find a room to visit her, wouldn't you? Surely you are not saying that you'd only visit her if you get a free and convenient place to stay?
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There is no dilemma here at all. The will is no one's business and should not be seen by anyone until after death of the person. Regarding POA, ask bro to produce a copy. Regarding the family home, what did mom intend? If she intended that bro live there, then you just have to accept that, and he has no obligation to you. It sounds like mom decided she wanted your bro in her home and to be her POA. If that's the case and she prepared the appropriate legal documents to do so, it's none of your business. It may be inconvenient for you, but it's also not his responsibility to provide you with lodging. It's amazing what siblings that aren't caregiving think they are entitiled to, simply by nature of birth. If you wanted more from your bro, you should have invested more in maintaining your relationship with him. The boat you are in is of your own making, unfortunately.
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Family members can get weird about things like houses. My brother lives above my mother in her house and even though my mother suggested I live with her (I refused because I want my own place), when I had to live with her temporarily for a month between apartments, my brother threw a fit and ended up practically throwing me out. He told her it was because if she died while I was living there, he would not be able to get me to move out and he was going to rent her part of the house for $1500 a month (it is her house, not his).
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I was told by my fathers atty NO ONE can see or should see a copy if the will until someone dies, my father did not listen and biught the copy to my brother in California. He has threatened and as bused everybody just bc he wasnt executor. We dhould have listen ti the atty it is nobody's business except the person who makes the will
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Why is your brother receiving benefits for himself off your mom's estate? Sounds illegal. That said, you must have a sour relationship with your brother or he would open the door to you. Maybe he is angry because you get to live in London and he is left with a job he didn't want either, taking care of mom. Do you thank him and regularly appreciate all that he has done for you? After all, you are the one with the freedom and he has done all the massive amount of care it takes to have a 100yr. old mother. Do you offer to help? Not just your with your mother, but to help your brother? I'd bet... If you'd change, he would too.
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You have no particular legal right to see your mother's will while she is alive. After her death, however, her will will become a public document and no one will be able to prevent your seeing it. Do you have any reason to believe that anything untoward has taken place with regard to its drafting? If so, you might like to contact your nearest Citizens' Advice Bureau and seek advice.

But in any case, what has that to do with where you stay when you go to visit your mother? If you are finding it difficult to stay near her care home, try asking the staff if they have a guest room you could book for a nominal fee - many care homes do, especially those in remote locations, and even if they haven't they might still be able to suggest a good nearby B&B.

You should be able to ascertain whether or not your brother has a registered Enduring or Lasting Power of Attorney through the Office of the Public Guardian. If he has, I am surprised that you were not among the "People To Be Informed" listed on the EPA or LPA documentation - but try the OPG first and see what they say.

What is the history behind your brother's apparent animosity, do you mind my asking?
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There may have been legitimate changes to the will that, if revealed prematurely, could cause damaging behaviors toward the one who wrote the will. I know of a situation where a parent left someone out - so many reasons why, but to divulge that in advance of death would unleash intense fury against the parent by one or more people.

There is always the possibility that something is wrong, but there is also the possibility that the person (parent in this case) is being protected from backlash. The executor/POA will have enough to deal with either way, but the will maker needs protection.

Old Bob1936, I'm with you on the dementia concern, if it is significant/advanced. I understand mild dementia may not be an issue. Either way, in the situation I mentioned, the person is still quite clear minded, intelligent, and capable of making informed choices.
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A POA has to be drawn up when the person is lucid, and alert and oriented. Sometimes your own family can be your worst nightmare when it comes to money.
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OldBob may be right. I just googled about finding a person's will. You don't meet any of the requirements for a will to be revealed. A lawyer or proof he's been misusing his POA.
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Wow..what a dilemma. You may want to get legal advice...if it turns out the will has been drawn up since she started to have dementia, there may be "fraud in the inducement" realities involved...Else, as I see it, why would the brother not the brother allow you to see the will?

Kind Regards,
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