Help with my grandmother. Any advice?

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My grandmother who is in her early 80's had told me today that sometime in the spring that she is going to schedule her knee replacement surgery and needs someone to stay with her while doing her physical therapy. There are a few issues at play, I have my own serious health issues that I need to tend to and the other is that I really can't take time off work because of my own medical bills. One of my biggest issues is that she loves to drink and she will probably take my bank card and drain my account to fund her going out to eat, booze and whatever fun things that catch her eye (caught her once before). How can I tell my family I won't be wiping her butt and that she actually has to spend her money on having a professinal help her for a couple weeks?

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Take care of yourself and your teeth; find a more experienced therapist and stand strong with your decisions.
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Evermore99, if your Grandmother decides to have knee surgery she really needs to go live in rehab for whatever length of time she needs to get physical therapy... those therapists won't take "no" for answer if your Grandmother does the poor me bit.... they will get her out of bed and into the gym on a regular basis, and have her walking the halls.

If she tries to recover at home with a visiting physical therapist, guess what, she will probably keep cancelling the appointments thus dragging out her recovery for months on end.... and may never learn to walk with a knee replacement, then what?

I agree with cmagnum, get a new therapist. Shop around until you find one who is familiar with elder caregiving. It will be worth the effort.
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Do not, I repeat DO NOT back down from your position for any reason, The more you give in the more you will be expected to help. Find another therapist - that one is not looking after your interests. Tell the cousins that they can come and help grandma. There is no way you should get involved with an alcoholic and the games she plays. She probably doesn't want to go to rehab because she cant drink there. Well, tough! She needs to go to rehab to build up her strength, not to go straight home/ My mother has a hip replacement a few years ago and wanted to go straight home. She has a personality disorder and she would have pestered me to move in with her and look after her. She called me from the hospital to get support for her going straight home. I said I disagreed with her coming straight home and that she should go to rehab. As it was, she did go, but discharged herself early, then complained that she needed help to manage in her home My answer was that she should not have discharged herself early then. That's called tough love and refusing to be manipulated. You have to do the same.
How on earth did your g'ma get your bank card? My dear you have to look after yourself better. Your health comes first. (((((((hugs)))))) Hang in there.
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When relatives and therapists try to guilt you into taking care of grandmother, simply say, "I tried helping her before and she abused it. Done it, been there, No More. She has the money to pay for professionals.

To your cousins, add this also, " If you don't like it, why don't you help her? She's your grandmother, too. Each of you can take turns coming here to take care of her after surgery. You can take family emergency leave (federal law), stay with her to take care of her. It's Your turn."
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Get a new therapist and don't let them wear you down to where you will say you will help.

Stand your ground!

As was said earlier, a knee replacement surgery requires rehab in a facility, not at home.
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Right now, I am tearing out my hair since my therapist has retired. My new one is suggesting that maybe I should help out a little bit with my grandmother. In no shape or form do I want to. Why would I want to take care of a thief? Living with very little of my own money and starting to get my teeth fixed up is stressful enough since I am terrified of the dentist. Now my cousins are hopping on the I should be taking care of grandma bandwagon. They haven't been up to Cleveland in 20 years and don't know what it is like to deal with the constant help me, help me, I'm just a poor old woman bit. My mom can't deal with this either because my grandmother has always been much worse to her. My mother told me that when my grandfather was alive (died when my mother was 14) he never tolerated grandma's drinking copious amounts of booze and her abusive personality. This is wearing me down to where I am about to say I will help.
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I'd laugh at aunt - if she is sooo concerned, then why doesn't she help her mother? Grandma will be better off in rehab and then working on her alcohol dependency. Being single does not obligate you to anything. What a strange idea! Well I suppose any silly excuse that comes to mind for pushing something unpleasant off on another...
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My dear, knee replacement surgery requires rehab in a facility, not at home. Also yes, run from this dysfunction. Are you in therapy? Could be a good thing.
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Run. Fast, and as far away as you can get. You have a classic dysfunctional family, and in order for you to care for your own emotional and physical problems, you are going to need to separate yourself from them. You can waste more time trying to justify your position to them, but it won't make a difference -- they will continue to expect you to live in emotional, physical and financial slavery. Amazing how clueless some people are -- as a single person in the family, you have to most need to build your retirement and are least equipped to caregive! Finally, the real problems here are addiction and the behaviours associated with it, and that's where the counselling and solutions for grandma lie. It may be difficult for you, but if you want some happiness in life, get the heck away from all of them! They all sound extremely toxic.
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Evermore, you win the gold medal of standing your ground! Way to go. And, btw, I wouldn't say you got nasty. Just real. Hugs to you x
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