How do I pay for the help that I so desperately need with Mom?


My mother is living in my home with my new spouse. I AM EXHAUSTED! I work as a caregiver privately then get to care for Mom after. I am finally after 18 months reaching out for help. I am the youngest of 5 girls so you would think I have plenty of help. NOPE. This is after the oldest took my mom for almost everything my dear dad left her with, we are talkin A LOT. I don't have the strength physically or emotionally to start that battle. But all I see when I look at her is saying "I get all this because Sam (my dad) and I made a deal that I care for Mom." Well 8 years later, I am caring for Mom, but without the resources. In the last 18 months my sisters have taken her overnight 4x. When Mom is gone all I can do is sleep. I have many health issues myself and was diagnosed with COPD yesterday. I just can't do this much longer. But no one seems to hear me because I do still work 6 hours a day away from home while my 22 year daughter watches Mom. My daughter is moving out very soon. Now who can help? All I get from anyone is excuses as to why they can't help. I promised Mom I wouldn't put her in a home, but I may not have a choice. I have called a couple advisors, but I am told Mom's SS will not cover the cost. Also I can not seem to get straight answers from my sisters about finances for the past 5 years. Mediacid wants that information. I am so sorry if I seem to be rambling on, but I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE. My brain is jumbled like scrambled eggs. Any advice would help. Screaming NOW.

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Kimber, do you think your mom could do with assisted living or is she at nursing home care level? If she is just living on social security, then maybe there is some help for her out there. Also was your dad a vet? She could be eligible for help that way.

Your schedule sounds exhausting! And I am so sorry about your diagnosis. For you, your daughters and your mom, you need to decompress. I wonder if, in this situation, it would be best to get in touch with an eldercare attorney since your sisters have messed around with her finances.
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Kimber, here is an excellent article I found on Aging Care regarding promising a parent not to put them in a nursing home. Keep scrolling down the page pass any advertisements to read the whole article. There were quite a few "comments" made by other caregivers, too. You will find "comments" up by the title of the article.

Something needs to happen, otherwise you could find yourself as being one of the 40% of caregivers who pass away leaving behind the love one they were caring. Then what?

Do your sisters feel that it is time for Mom to be in a skilled facility that has around the clock care? Maybe that is one reason they aren't helping very much. Otherwise, they would be enabling Mom to continue to live with you.

I know it can be a very tough decision.
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