I have caregiver burnout. What should I do besides ask family for help?

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I've been taking care of my mom for over 4 years 24/7 and we are a low income family. My sister helps for a few hours once in awhile, but she has to take care of her husband. Adult day care is too expensive for us. My boyfriend of 15 years broke up with me because he thinks I should put my mom in a home. I promised her from the start that I would never do that. I'm so exhausted, angry and feel guilty. My mother is very manipulative and doesn't want anyone to help her except me. I've tried having a caregiver come in and my mom wouldn't let her near her. Plus my mom is hoarding and im freaking out.

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You have to take care of yourself first, even if that's not your natural inclination. I left my job to stay at home with my husband who has fronto-temporal dementia. I haven't been doing it as long as you and he's not as limited as your mom yet, but I'm already feeling burnout creeping in. My 50th birthday is coming up (so much for the big trip I'd always planned for us. What I'd like to do is go on my own but the guilt would be tremendous.). All that to say, despite protests from family, I'm trying to maintain time with friends and time to be on my own once a week. I think it's imperative that you have time to spend the way you want in order to stay healthy. It will be better for both of you in the long run.
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Gianna, I found this article on Aging Care that would be helpful in your situation where you had promised Mom you would never put her into a nursing home.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/i-promised-my-parents-i-d-never-put-them-in-a-nursing-home-133904.htm plus over 100 responses.
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Is your mom declared competent or incompetent? Medicaid will pay for her to be placed in a facility for a week or so to give you a much needed break. If she is competent, she can refuse to go. I personally believe there is a point where what she wants doesnt matter. You tell her you need a break and you make her go to respite.
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Yes shes on medicaid
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Gianna if you have reached this stage then mom no longer really has a choice about who provides her care. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be this stressed and exhausted. If she's anything like my mum she doesn't have a clue how you feel.
I promised my mum she wouldn't have to go into a home, but I reached breaking point. Mom is now in an assisted living facility and has a far better social life than I do. And we have gone back to being mother and daughter.
Insist she gets help in from outside. If you collapse, then she may well find herself in a home anyway.
I know it feels like there's no alternative when you are in the middle of burnout. I believed I had to be the one to do everything. But that's really not the case.
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I hear ya. i'm in the same place. I don't really have advice. I just wanted you to know that I am also going totally nuts trying to take care of my mom with horrible siblings, no money, ... etc. I guess we should hang in there right? I don't know. where can our mom's go? it's torture. I know. I wish I could be of more help. sorry you are going through this.
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Gianna, deep breath! Welcome!

Is your mom on Medicaid?
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