How much more can I take?


2 years now copd mother sits watches tv all day night sleeps in chair eats in chair tv is her reality. I'm loosing my life and mind. Have my own health issues and I'm wanting to live my life! Can't sit around wasting away like this anymore! Sounds callous but I'm literally feeling like I'm ready to die to get away from it!

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Best of luck to you. Skin care is so important. So many of us are are not so young anymore and really want products that work Agree care giving can lead to new horizoons. I had to cancel our dogs being groomed . Little did I know , how long it would take to get a new appointment. Well, lets just say , I wouldn't Get a tip, but they look better and have to feel better.
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Erin60: Not only is riding my mountain bike good for my mental and physical health - I'm saving a lot of money by not buying a car right now. :-) I read on Fortune or Forbes that if a person drives less than 12K/year, it's actually cheaper to take Uber which I've been doing if my errand is more than 10 miles roundtrip. Under 10 miles roundtrip, I haul my fat butt on the mountain bike. I make sure I'm home within one hour so I'm not too long away from Mom because I have to change her diaper every 1 to 1.5 hrs during the day. My senior Beagle sticks his head out of the pet trailer (it has a zippered window; Burley Pet Trailor is the brand) and then stick his tongue out like how you see dogs sticking their head and tongue out of a car window. Drivers point, chuckle, honk and think it's the funniest to see my dog do this.

Wilma: If you can learn to do some arts and crafts in the home, then maybe you start a small business on Etsy or at your local Farmer's Market? It would be great if there is a way for you to build an income while at home. It's very difficult to find work-at-home opportunities if you don't have the in-demand skillset. You have to be creative to create your own job - to create your own demand. I'm actually starting a small skincare and fragrance company in the next year on Etsy because I need to work towards a self-sufficient income now so that I'm financially set by the time my mother passes away. I gave up a successful care to solocaregive both parents and there was no way I could return to workforce as many us understand the whys behind this. I'm currently in a training program for botanical skincare and fragrance. It's not a multi-level marketing scam. No, now. I'm actually learning the chemistry of skincare formulation. I love it because I have a college degree in the natural sciences. When Mom was on hospice a while ago, she became permanently bedridden and was complaining of lower back pain. I was desperate for a natural solution. I came across an aromatherapy blend for pain relif, applied to Mom's lower back, and she was no longer in pain. It's because of my caregiving to Mom that I learned about aromatherapy and now I'm on my way to a new career...opening up a small business in botancial skincare and fragrance. :-)

In the depths of frustration and darkness, try to remember this caregiving journey is only temporary and that a new door may open up to you, if you let it! Keep an open mind. :-)
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Great ideas careisgiving. Never heard of before. Will check it out. Thank you. Wilma , good for you. We got to do things to physicially get away for a while. Even if it's only 2 hours. It helps.
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I'm so where you are at - years ago! For a long, long time I was stuck in this viscous cycle of sadness from my father's expiration while waiting for my mother to pass away so I can have a life again as I see others living their lives to the fullest. Granted, they're not caregiving to an aging loved one. I recently decided enough's enough. I need to do something now to rebuild my life before my mother passes away so that I'm not completely lost like I was with my father's expiration and that I have things to do while grieving her loss.

Since your mother is mainly homebound, can you just go a for a quick walk outside? You'll feel so much better. Walk with arm and leg weights to improve your fitness and endurance level.

My car died last month and I refused to put more money into it as it needed $2.5K in repairs - but The Kelly Blue Book value - was only $500 - so I donated it to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I then decided to go Old School and I started riding my mountain bike for when I have to run errands. BEST DECISION EVER. I'm losing some weight (I have my settings on high resistance so I'm burning fat while building muscle, however, this resistance does make me go slow that a 60-year old runner in our neighborhood recently passed me the other day. She's fast. No joke. I was a little embarrassed to say the least.) I'm sleeping better. The fresh air is so good for my mind and soul. My mood, my motivation is so much better. I purchased a pet trailer (which attaches to the back of my mountain bike) to take my senior Beagle with me (he's very happy!) and also to use for transporting our groceries or other stuff I need for the home. My mother is homebound due to her health issues so I don't have to worry about her being a fall risk.

Can you learn arts and crafts at the kitchen table?

If you have a backyard, why not learn gardening?

Can you get someone to sit with your mother for a few hours so you can go out to lunch, enjoy some me time. Check out Care dot com and see if there are caregivers in your area.

There are plenty of options for you but it's just matter of which ones work best for your situation.

Above all, feel free to vent on this forum. We all understand.
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Just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you that took a minute to post a reply. I'll definitely take your suggestions to heart and start living my life while trying not to feel guilty for doing so!
Wilma 😊
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Hi Wilma. I know I have had the same feelings. I'm sure many people have on this site. The best thing I do for myself is get out every single day. My mother sits all day watching tv as well. She's happy she doesn't want to do anything else. There's very little wrong with her physicially. I have to get out. I do get out, and I don't feel guilty about saving my sanity. It's hard to live with a parent. I think at my age mid 50's. I just would prefer not to. But she's here and I don't see that changing for a while. So I do things for me. Of course, I do everything for her , write checks, get meds, get her daily shopping list ( same things on it very often ) get taxes done it goes on and on. I agree with previous posts. Hope this helps.
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Hang in there Wilma! There is life after caregiving and you can being to prepare for that now. It doesn't sound like you need to sit and watch Mom sleep or watch tv. What can you do while that is happening? If she really does need someone watching her or available at a moment's notice, spend some time and energy figuring out how that can happen. Even the activity of researching a solution will help you feel productive again.

There is an agency in my community that has trained volunteers provide some respite for a couple of hours a week. (It was free when I used it. Now it is a couple of dollars.) The "rule" was that the caregiver could use the time only for personal enjoyment. That could be a lunch with friends or even an uninterrupted nap. It was not supposed to be running errands.

My husband had dementia and reached a point where he could not be left home alone. He too lived for hours at a time in his recliner (but more alert and active than your mother.) While he was occupied in the recliner I worked from home. I was able to support us! Yes, he interrupted me sometimes, but I just shut my work timer off and attended to him. Earning money was critical, but doing something productive that colleagues would recognize as good work was equally important.

Working from home isn't always available. But what other things could you do while Mom works hard just breathing? Try for something other people will recognize (because caregivers are seldom recognized for our contributions.) Do you belong to an organization that needs help you could do at home? For example, could you do the administration work for a bookclub? Everyone sends their book suggestions to you, you consolidate them into a neat list, and perhaps do a little research to add a bit of information about each book. This is just one thought but I hope it sparks some ideas for you.

You've been out of the workforce for two years. Are there advances and changes in your field? Keep up-to-date on the internet and perhaps a specialty magazine subscription.

You can get away from your situation by not sitting around when you have free time, by hiring (with Mom's money, or public money via Medicaid) in-home help to give you respite, or even by placing Mom in a care center where she will be comfortable and cared for.

It sounds like you have plenty of boring time on your hands. Try to fill it with things that are fun and/or feel productive.

And Wilma? If you ever are tempted to end your life to get out of this situation, PLEASE call a suicide help line. You do have a life ahead of you and it can be happy.
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Wilma, with COPD a person has very little energy to do things as breathing tends to become so difficult. When you think about it, your Mom has already lost her life since she is confined to being at home.

Does your Mom need around the clock care? If not, then plan your day, and help Mom when you are free. If she needs a lot of care, can Mom afford to hire a caregiver to come in a couple times a week to help out?

Is Mom at a point where she needs skilled nursing care? If yes, then check with your State Medicaid office [different from Medicare] as Medicaid will pay for Mom's care if she is in a skilled nursing home.
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Wilma, can you start to rebuild your life? Is Mom safe while you go out and about? Plan things for yourself and just keep extending the time. How about a lunch with a friend? Or a movie by yourself? then the next time errands, a haircut, massage, some shopping? Build up to a half day away and just keep extending the time away and increasing your sanity.
I feel that watching it makes it worse. Add a companion if necessary. Come to this forum often. Find a support group ---try United Way or visiting nurses assoc.
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