My husband and I are taking care of mother who has congestive heart failure and work a full time job. We have basically moved in, but we do have a break on the weekends when my nephew comes over. However, we live out of bags, our house has gone to hell in a hand bag, we are tired all the time, my mother is miserable and has no quality of life. Does anyone else wish that the end would just come on? Let her have rest and peace. Let us have our lives back. Let us get some rest. I'm so tired and weary, all I do is cry. Please don't suggest professional help, I can't even go to the store after work because I have to get straight to her house.

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Why are you and your husband caring for mom in her home? Did she become ill suddenly?

I found that with my mom, when she had a stroke, we all went into crisis mode, thinking she was going to die.

She didn't.

We had to re-think our emergency stance and go into long term living with dementia and chf mode.

It sounds like mom's doctors habe recommended hospice. So have ours. It does not hiwever, mean that death is imminent.

To my mind, hospice and palliative care mean that nothing more curative can be done. You are agreeing to comfort care, i.e. treating symptoms that are uncomfortable and problematic, but not attempting to cure the underlying disease.

Would mom do well in assisted living or a nursing home so that you guys can go back to your lives?
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norestforme, I know what you are talking about. We don't want them to die, but we want to have our lives back. It sounds like you need a vacation of about a month that you can use to just sit in your own house. That was very easy for me to write, but I know it is harder to do. Many families can't afford needed services so they can take the time they need for themselves. Elder care services are so expensive.

Many people on the board here are in the same position. It can be like life gets frozen at this stress point that goes on for years now. Often I wish there were no such thing as these pills that eke out one more day of low-quality living.

Tell us a bit more about your mother. Would she be open to go into a respite program for a few weeks? Could she afford it?
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I'm not sure I understand the connection between the title of your Question, "Guilt" and your actual post. I think that when we overextend ourselves and take on more than is humanly possible, we likely can't be at our best. I'd explore resources to find a better solution and seek out more respite time. To work full time jobs and be a full time caregiver isn't feasible, imo.
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You need to talk to her doc about hospice. It's usually covered by Medicare. Also, you would all be better off if she were in a skilled nursing facilty. Hospice can be administered there or at home, but at home, you or some hired help would still be responsible for her primary care.
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