How can I fight the resentment?

Very helpful input thus far. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I read in another thread that mom no doubt resents the situation too. I will try to remember that as well. We have checked out ALFs but feel like I'm too young/new at this to be considering it already for her. I think, though, that Windyridge is right. I'm just not one of those that can handle caregiving.

I as 65 when I took Mom in. I was babysitting my 18 month old Gson. Had to give the babysitting up. Mom also had my disabled nephew living with her. Mentally he is fine but doesn't drive so he depended on me. I was stuck in my house 24/7 going out when hubby was home to shop. I was a wreck. Daycare helped but eventually took the money Mom had and placed her in an AL. Money was running out so took what was left and placed her in a nursing facility private pay which helped her transition to Medicaid. Which may be n option for you.  I wouldn't go AL with Mom's problems.  Under Medicaid, I am no longer responsible for her needs.  They r now payee to her SS and pension.  Her medical insurance and primary doctor are on site.  This includes a GP, foot doctor and dentist. So no need to take Mom out for appts.  Hospital right up the road. Facility responsible for transportation there and back.  I just get a call so I can be there.  She gets three meals a day next snacks.  Activities and entertainment hru the day and week. All I do I visit.  This now leaves me with time to find a place for my nephew to live.  Eventually his physical and neurological problems will get worse and I won't be able to care for him.  When that happens, I will be closing Mom's house up.  Mom will either lose it to unpaid taxes or a Medicaid lean.  

Bratcat, there's no shame in feeling the way you do. Your mom could live for many more years and her care is going to get much harder.

Lots of folks take in elders and see it through to the end. I'm not one of those people and I don't think you are either.

My mom feels a little hurt that I'm not moving to be with them nor will I move my parents in with me. But I remember when mom took in my grandmother years ago. That lasted one week. Off she went to a nursing home.

Start thinking about a facility nearby that would serve her needs. This is tough stuff. Good luck.

Bratcat, since your Mom is very social, i wonder if she would be happier living in Independent Living which had extra care options, or in Assisted Living/Memory Care? That is if she could budget this type of expense. That way she can make new friends, have some new BFF's, enjoy the activities, and have dinner with her table-mates.

Today IL and Assisted Living facilities many are built like hotels, the one my Dad was in he said it felt like a resort, he was happy as a clam being there. Yes, they are costly. Dad paid around $5k per month but it was worth every penny. But I would still jump out of my skin every time the telephone rang [same effect like your Mom and the buzzer].

I, too, had resentment, I think most of us do. Especially if your parents had a great retirement and did a lot of things. I resented that here I was in my late 60's and no retirement to enjoy, I was just too exhausted and developed numerous health issues. My parents never had to take care of their own parents, so they had no idea what they were putting me through :(