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I had another post about my mom losing it and seemingly having another stroke


Luckily we finally got her to the hospital and it turned out to be a blood infection and she's gotten much better. Only she still very weak physically to where we can't take her home yet, even the doctor said if she went home it would be against medical advice.


They want her in a rehab for at least a few weeks to help her get back on her feet and be able to go home but she's totally against it and fighting us at every turn.


Wants to go home, doesn't want to spend Christmas in a rehab, when even considering the idea she simply muttered to herself "I guess my Christmas is going to be ruined."


While I fully support and want her to go to the rehab it's hard knowing that she does have a point, I don't think anyone would want to be away from home/family during the holidays. It's taking its toll on my mental and emotional faculties.


What do people do in this situation? How do you try and reassure their parent and themselves that being stuck in a facility during Christmas is the right thing to do? I almost just want to take her home and risk it, at least if something did happen she'd be going out happy. It's even harder knowing it's a very real possibility that this will be her last Christmas with everything that's happened and how her health has declined.


I know the reality of the situation is she can't go home, we can't even lift her in her current state and she'd just be stuck in her chair/bed unless she magically got better without any medical help.


I've never had to deal with something like this because she's never been sick or had to be anywhere but home during the holidays, and I really don't know what to tell her, if anything, that can make the situation better.

If it is possible, simply alter the 'family headquarters ' on Christmas. Let's say everyone has plans to meet at the house; maybe relocate to the facility instead- auntie uncle all of those who normally go to "the house". Decorate her room at facility, open gifts, tell stories, bring egg nog and figis snacks. Bring Christmas to her. Also stay with her Christmas Eve , if it's you and mom Christmas Eve, after you decorate her area, sit with her hold her hand and reminisce about how she made Christmas special when you were growing up- did she always bake her special cookies, how the two of you would go shopping for everyone's gifts etc. Beautiful Lemons my friend- make the sweetest lemonade. My mom is also going to be in the hospital or skilled facility this Christmas. Oh make sure you bring in a plate for her. Best wishes
Phar
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Reply to PharSytid
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Christmas in rehab will not be fun!
Is it possible that while she is in rehab she could go home for a visit of a few hours then go back? This would give her time with family yet a safe place to return to so she can complete her rehabilitation. As long as it would be safe for her to visit I doubt they would have a problem with that.
As far as her wanting to go home and not to rehab....here comes a possible "therapeutic fib" if the doctor says if she goes home it would be "Against medical advice".. Tell her the insurance company will not pay for the hospital bill if she leaves "against medical advice" so she(the family) would be stuck paying the entire hospital bill. I am sure she like many people are watching their $$ and if the idea of having to pay a huge bill might make me go along with the doctors advice and go to rehab. And it would be much easier to go along with the idea if there was the possibility that I could go home for a visit on Christmas.
The visit is only.... repeat that ONLY if it is safe for her to do so.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I agree with Peggy, she may have a better Christmas at rehab. You don't say Mom has Dementia. I really understand how she feels. I have never personally stayed in a rehab, but many visits with my parents being there. For a person who is with it, not the place I would want to be holiday or not.

At this point she needs to understand there is just no way she can be taken out of rehab.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Mom didn't ever really celebrate Christmas in a traditional way in the past but she's in Christmas-land at the nursing home! The staff had a "deck the halls" decorating contest and they've had many holiday activities - from carolers to line dancers, there's even an angel tree for the residents.
The ironic thing I'm experiencing is that in the past before her stroke, Mom would remind us "Christmas is just another day".
So, she's getting more "Christmas" this year than she ever imagined. And, I'm thinking it's just another day of Mom struggling to survive in the nursing home.
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JoAnn29 Dec 22, 2018
My Mom went by Peggy all her life. When she entered an AL, one of the aides called her Margaret. She looked at her and told her my name is Peggy. Yes, she had Dementia. When she was in the NH, her Dementia has worsened. I didn't get to the staff quick enough and they had her door tag with Margaret. I asked that it be changed because at that point she would never had answered to Margaret.
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When I moved my folks to Colorado from Florida back in 2011, my mother spent Christmas Day in the hospital, having an IVF filter put into her aorta at midnight. The hospital 'forgot' to put the pressure cuffs on her legs while she was there, and she wound up with a blood clot in her calf! Their mistake wound up ruining Christmas for everyone. Too much importance is placed on a holiday, in my opinion. The main thing is that your mom gets well so that she can spend more time on the earth. Freqflyer has a great idea about bringing the holiday to HER. Spend time with her on Christmas and promise her that you'll have a REAL celebration once she's released from rehab. They all go to rehab kicking & screaming, but it's something designed to HELP them get their strength back. It works.

Best of luck!!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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The facilities all have something special that they do for their residents on holidays, so your mom will have to make effort to be thankful. Can you explain 2her that her recovery in rehab is necessary to get her strength back be4 she goes home? Sometimes elderly are unwilling to be reasonable, & you have to stop worrying about it so it doesn't ruin your life.
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Reply to Tiger55
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ExtremelyTired, time to use what is called "theraputic fibs". Tell Mom she can only go home if her doctor says she physically ready, otherwise she may have a serious set-back. If she has a set-back, then she will miss New Year's, Valentine's Day, and Easter.

As for the holidays, bring Christmas to Mom. When my Mom was in long-term-care, her first Christmas away from home, I decorated her space, keeping it simple. And would bring in Christmas cards to pin to her bulletin board. Mom has serious dementia, so I didn't know if she understood any of this. I hope she did
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