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I am the only one who changed everything to care for my aunt after my uncle died they never had kids. I love my aunt and 3 years later I find myself still here. she is 92 years old. I do get money she insisted and glad now I did finally accept as it helps me to maintain what I call my vacation studio apt. 2 hours away $1,500 month. My problem is when I excepted this drastic change since no one else stepped up I was told by some relatives how much they appreciate me. and would help out sometimes. Well this is the rub when they visit it is just 4 social and my aunt enjoys that. so I don't fuss when helping me out is complaining to my aunt behind my back more then once about how bad the stove looks. never mind that i cook burgers 4 them and half the time offer hosting out of habit to guests. if I don't leave I am the host as they are my relatives too. It can get lonely 2hours from my studio home. i also clean up wash after they leave town sink full. I don't complain because I don't want the drama and except i guess if my aunt is happy with visits I weigh that as the cost of being a "Caregiver". I am very sore that when one of the relatives who is not even a blood relatives but married in is the only one that thanks me from time 2 time for my sacrificing as the 20 other relatives never mention athank you when I see them. who always says she will help out and i appreciate that, But when my aunt comes to talk to me about trashing me behind my back and how it made her feel so insulted for her insult. she isnt even a blood relative but I don't want to say anything that may hurt the only person who says thank you for being here caring. I find out she was complaining by my 92yr. old aunt her friend as well and my aunt shot back at her in-defense of me that she did not like her insulting her by going on about the greasy stove. my aunt much 2 her credit defended me laminating how much I do for her keeping up this big house and maintaining repairs I fix everything 2 save $ for my aunt who is not wealthy. My aunt can only do so much and stuff like cleaning a greasy stove is not one of them, I cant do all things like multitasking chores and keep up with 4 emergcy trips and staying hours w/aunt just in the last 2 months. Every time a visit is expected from a relative comes I make sure the bathrooms sparkle. Why is there idea of helping is insulting to my 92yr. old aunt how messy her stove is it disturbs my frail aunt. to the point that she tells me about it after they eat and run. Please tell me how I can discuss this behavior as not (helping out) without to much drama as i have enough. When is it ok to shoot one back and still make it known that I am a relative of this family and at least deserve respect in kind. If just a visit is helping out them hosting a feed. Then im the sucker. Respect is respect after all I am a relative not servant. I am hosting a night vacation at the best western and maid cleaning up after they left the comp breakfast. I love my aunt but something's got to give---back. It just floors me and I don't say nothing for sake of a argument. Help.

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I so agree with you.. I love my aunt and having the heart to tell me what happened. She did because she was very insulted how this married in relative kept on complaining when my she kept on with this insult. She then told her to get the two cleaning ladies she used to have come when my uncle was alive . She responded with more fury again telling her that she is not made of money and was then belittled and our best friend told her she would pay for it. I laughed when I heard that and told my aunt that to tell her was that before you or after you pay back the $5,000 I loaned you 5 years ago. Jesus if I was there that is exactly what i would of done was to reach under the sink and quietly put 409 and rag and thank her for noticing. And apprteciate complimenting for hosting her coming to help eat the burgers I prepared for her lunch and always clean restrooms. This was the 2nd time she said something the last time my aunt bit her tongue and gave her a pass this time she let her have it and defended all that I do beyond caregiver I always joke with her about which hats does she want me to wear. Just saving her from loneliness was a battle for her she is 95lbs wet and barely can walk Bob did a lot 50 years with her. if I did nothing she still would love me just for that. Now im stretching it. My response no kidding when she told me I said I would of not said a word and reached for the supplies. She said nah don't do that just let it go. I will watch what she does on her next visit if she does inspection then I will pounce with cleaning pail and gloves NO hosting. This person married into the family acts like she 's helping me out by at least saying she does and thanking me for being here and telling me I don't hear it enough from the other relatives. She is friendly to my aunt so much that my cousin her daughter who has her law degree never has or practiced 5 years later. There is more my aunt was sold by their mother our dear friend to help my aunt update her will and become POA and notory was done. I saw some of the updates while cleaning again her office and both her lawyer in UK and her sister were named beneficiaries to her life ins. policies. And though I like my cousin I cant help but feel that more is going on since she now lives in the UK and has to have her mother in on the estate planning, I don't say anything but even my aunt said she was uncomfortable that she left the area where her Porfirio/will etc. was placed for her conference over the pond with her daughter was left a mess. My aunt was buttered that her neat book was missing or papers removed and felt sick that she was oblivious to the whole thing. To top that off her sister who drove here because another emergency again and stopped at the house first coincidently and she was able to read the book/will that was left for out for that married in friend lawyers mother conference with UK daughter were to work on the book. It was not left out for her sisters snooping eyes, Because of the 6 hours at the hospital she her sister picked her up at the hospital and did not say a word and only when she was safe in her own home she called my aunt. Her sister mad as hell that her 5 useless kids who have never cared for her own mother let alone cared for my aunt other then nice visits and lunch disguised I guess as help was yelling over the phone she read that these kids of hers were not getting much and crushing my aunt that she read her book etc. she has been in gloom for over a week straight now over this being challenged it is sickening. Our married in friend did not explain what she has been doing since my aunt notarized her daughter POA. Now I am not stupid and know certain things about health wishes etc so I did something for myself and aunt about conversations we had if a scenario about her wishes if she were to be incapacitated that I hope my cousin has discuss the Advance health care directive (living will) as part of her estate preparation from over the pond. My aunt said she has not said anything about it to her she is just managing the portfolio. I say in the UK that’s bullocks first case lawyer in training.
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if you dont stand up to the lippy relatives they will continue to abuse you. bullys like easy targets. next time they visit set a pail of soapy water in the kitchen with a rag in it. inform all of them that if they see something that isnt up to their liking they can feel free to give it a good scrubbing. theyre trying to embarrass/ belittle you so make sure theres embarrassment aplenty for everyone involved. ive worked for the public for 20 years and the hardest thing i had to learn was how to rare up when people try to punk me around. in my case pushing me around is just a prelude to taking advantage and cheating me out of money. you have to put a stop to it at the first snide comment..
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