I have enduring power of attorney for my elderly mother who has dementia. She lives independently in a retirement village (she has a licence to occupy) with a lot of daily support from me and various outside agencies. She has recently been assessed as needing rest home care.
I am the youngest of five siblings; none of my siblings live in this country. One sibling is married to a woman who I believe has a narcissist personality disorder. My brother has become engulfed by his wife and treats others as she does; and due to her influence he has isolated himself from most of his family, although he does maintain a relationship with the oldest sibling.
The first time my parents visited them after they were married they wanted to leave as my father couldn't stand the terrible way my brother’s wife treated him. My parents were told that if they left they would never see their granddaughter again. She treated my late father with utter disdain and other siblings living in the same city have also been subject to similar behaviours. Consequently I disengaged from my brother and fell out with him soon after my father died when I questioned his actions.
When my father passed away he left me his car as my mother has never driven and I was the only one here to look after mum. This caused some upset with my sister in law; she challenged my mother about it and said “she gets everything.” She also referred to my grandparent’s car which I bought off them when my grandfather could no longer drive; she obviously thought that I was given it.
During a visit a few years ago my brother and sister in law asked my mother what she intends to do with her engagement ring and my brother phoned my mother when they got home to again ask about the ring. My mother could hear his wife in the background telling him what to say.
My brother has emailed the sibling that he remains in contact with asking her to contact the Trust where my mother lives to ask what happens to her home when she goes into full time care and what happens with the reconciliation of the monies. He also said he wants to know how long “we have” to empty the unit once my mother vacates and he doesn't mean to sound callous but "we" need to know. I imagine when he says "we" it's him and his wife.
In the past he has doubted my ability to be my mother's enduring power of attorney. My other siblings have no concerns about my ability and have not even considered asking the questions my brother has. They have offered to come over and help with the moving process. Along with my aunt I am also executor of my mother's Will.
I feel these questions are being driven by his wife and it gives me an uneasy feeling of concern that things may become nasty if they come over here and try to take over. Or am I over analysing the whole situation?