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I have lived with my great aunt for the last seven years. As her chronic illnesses took a toll, I helped my mother do care-taking, beginning with dr. appts., and then began to take on more responsibility of my own volition (physical therapy, cooking, medication) especially after hospitalizations. She now needs assistance everyday with dressing, cooking and medication. Although forgetful, she is up on U.S. and Latin American politics and reads the Spanish newspaper. Up until Jan 2013, my great aunt's daughter had been involved to some degree, mainly wanting to be informed about dr.'s visits and her overall health. She visited or phone called daily and provided some care-giving but as she has seen her mother become more frail, the daughter wanted to take care of her mother full-time in her own home. In January 2013, her efforts became full scale and she took over all aspects of caretaking. Yes, she has the keys to our home and my great-aunt has accepted these overtures. The move to her daughter’s home would seem reasonable if: my great aunt agreed but she does not want to go as she has lived in the current home for over 20 years, and if the "new" home might offer the same comforts. Unfortunately, her daughter's home has a husband, 2 high school age teens, 1 young adult (21 y.o.), and frequent visits from grandchildren (ages 7-16) because the daughter will offer to babysit. Hers is a four bedroom house so great-aunt would fit but have to share a bathroom with either her daughter or the young people. My mother and I both disagree with her daughter. (We have an entwined extended family situation). She now lives with only myself and 2 pets in a quiet home which is less than 1 mile from daughter's work and 2 doors away from 1 granddaughter and 1/2 mile away from my mother. She has her own room and her own bathroom – privacy! We have not involved other family members since we are attempting to avoid the choosing of sides and creating a larger rift. My great-aunt keeps hedging, saying she will go to live with her daughter ‘one day’ but also states ‘she's not ready yet’. This gives mixed signals to the daughter, who has already begun to move my great-aunt's (hoarded) things from the garage. The daughter has stated she will "carry her out of the house if she has to." I don't think she has guardianship but she has taken a hold of the Social Security and IHSS (California's in home support services) checks - yes, my great-aunt signed the papers allowing this. The daughter has taken over all doctor’s appt.'s and takes all the medications to her home so that I cannot dispense medication anymore (thank goodness, nothing life-threatening, just petty.). My mother and I are no longer informed about her medical condition. The reason I don't think the daughter has guardianship is because the she can't afford a lawyer and I dont' think it's a ‘do-it yourself’ kind of paperwork. I have already spoken with Adult Protective Services and they say they can only intervene in health and safety issues not family mediation. My question is: can her daughter force my great-aunt to leave her current living situation? Can I call the police if she tries to physically force her to leave? (will they come or laugh at me?). I understand I have no legal standing but does my great-aunt?

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Rosebud, I am so sorry you are going through this. Your aunt's daughter may usurp your position; however, when she has realized how difficult it is to be a caregiver... she may back off! If you do not want her to go ahead with this, you may need to contact a lawyer yourself. If your aunt does not wish to have you as Representative Payee for Social Security, or as POA and MPOA, then you are sunk... Unless she has some form of dementia. If that is the case, then you can go to court and become her guardian by having her declared incompetent. I know it sounds harsh, but often, that is the only way to protect our loved ones best interests.

Good luck with this issue!
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i have a sister with a genuine desire to be a caregiver but that desire does not necessarily translate into the common sense skill thats required. your aunt may actually want to experience another living arrangement . i suggest letting her try it for a while. i say this because a few years back i had a nephew constantly offering my mother a place in his home. mom had a mental collapse, i had one simultaniously and she went to his home to live. in under a week he had crammed her into an AL. he found out that it takes more than good intentions to care for a difficult elder.. it takes extreme patience and an ongoing and evolving strategy..
your aunt may find out that all change is not progress and all movement is not forward.
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@igloo572: My mother, who is my great-aunt's niece, is the owner of the home we live in. My great-aunt raised my mother and consequently, have a mother-daughter relationship. So, my great aunt's daughter is my mother's cousin and my second cousin(?). See what I mean about the extended family? I have been tempted to change the house locks but know that my great-aunt would take this as an offense because her daughter wouldn't have free access to her. I think that's part of the dysfunction - my great-aunt has always let her daughter (and children and step-children) come and go into this house as long as I can remember. Thus, the boundary issues --- in which I am seen as demanding because I would like privacy and consistency in the home because I live there. It was my questioning of the "community center" atmosphere with teenagers in the house during afterschool hours that first drew their ire, and then my request for a firmer schedule of shared duties and when people would be in the house. This was considered "rocking the boat." I think this kind of questioning drew attention to the fact that my great aunt's daughter was unreliable. Well, I could write a book but it's a lesson to know that insecure human beings with poor judgement will attempt to establish themselves as powerful in these most important phases of an aging person's life.
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@Igloo572, thanks for the hug - wow, I really needed that. @ejbunicom, thanks for that information. That makes me feel at ease if I have to follow through with that choice. My great aunt has gotten more wishy-washy and is in turns, sad, angry at people not responsible for this situation, confused, and also seeming to give up after trying to bargain for a later moving date. There's a lot of family dynamics going on here - extended family tree with blurry boundaries, lack of communication, and yes, guilt on the daughter's part as she's always had a contentious relationship with her mother. We are Latin American (Peruvian) and the whole "let's band together, we're a family no matter what and how you behave" and "don't rock the boat" attitude is clearly no longer working. I agree that my great aunt's daughter has no clue what day-to-day caregiving means - I didn't either until I woke up one day, thinking to myself 'how did I get here?' It's not a complaint, just a realization that my life had completely changed and that I needed to ask for more help. I think it's a great suggestion to leave the door open - this isn't a done deal yet. @lwentanon, I'm so sorry to hear about your loved one. I know this must have taken an emotional toll on you given the entire legal process that was/is being endured. You are accurate when you say she has little time and I fear that the stress she will begin to experience will be taken out on my grand aunt. The daughter's a yeller, has a quick temper, and overall, an emotionally reactive person - which is why we don't get along and the reason for her troubled relationships. Sigh. I don't know how caregiving about my great-aunt became about her daughter!! Thank you all for your comments. I don't feel so alone and have some next steps to think about.rv
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That is exactly what happened to us, we did all the care taking, they did zip, phone calls that were confusing or we'll come in a few days with no intention
we did not know where to go, they had a POA that they got while she was already incapacitated and did not know nor was it explained to her in either English or German. They took her in their home against her will...

I called protective services, it was not until we tried to get guardianship, after thy placed her in a nursing home, that we were able to finally rescue her, not with a guardian at litum but with the social worker appointed to be her guardian, (the family could not agree) by the court, that they sold her building, that she lived in for fifty years (last year in this down turned economy) we told the social worker we had been her caregivers since 2006 and the rest of her children had no idea what they were talking about.

We went through the senior abuse hotline to report them and even though it was not true, they countered and said that I abused their mother, it was a mess. She is 86 years old now and last year while we had her for a weekend visit, she had to be hospitalized for a bowel obstruction, the former POA now turned temp. guardian at that time, lost his rights because even though he knew his mother was in the hospital, he never called to find out how she was. The court did not like that.

It looks like her daughter is too busy to really look after her, the daughter should be glad that her mother has other upstanding relatives who can step up to the plate, but usually the children (her daughter) never are...and when they can no longer handle it, I am afraid they will put her in a nursing home to cover their a----, but in this day and age, you will win because if she doesn't want to live there (seniors have rights) they do not have to go into a nursing home, unless there aren't people like yourself helping out.

I just wonder...what else you could do?
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rosebud - the house that you currently live in, who owns it?

The daughter has no day-to-day idea of the amount of work needed in caregiving for your aunt. She probably has some degree of guilt about not doing enough for her mom. I'd bet there is a family crisis in her house within 90 - 120 days - probably not with your great-aunt/her mom (I bet she's a pretty strong old lady) - but with the teenagers and their friends & her husband (if her husband is Latin there is probably going to be his whole "y para me" scenario). Having their lives interrupted by a totally dependent old lady who needs help to do anything, probably smells, looks old, leaves her old lady junk about, makes the shared bathroom nasty, well you can go on & on & on....and the teenagers will. The first 30 days taking care of grandma will be fine but then the self-centeredness of being a teen and young adult will take over. Your cousin (the ladies daughter) will then find herself totally overwhelmed and everybody in her household will be unhappy. She will need to blame someone for the situation and the blame will go on you and your mom. So I'd suggest you quietly make all the other family aware of how great aunt lived in your home (private bath, una casa muy tranquila, with happy loving pets) and that moving her wasn't your idea and Tia Ma.Louisa didn't want to go and you'd take her back if things were different.

It's obvious you love your Tia a great deal and thank goodness you have been there for her all this time. Your Tia can make you DPOA, MPOA and her SS and other funds representative. Right now all this is out of your hands, but it's likely a few months from now, that will change and when it does (when your cousin's family is over grandma) you can kinda be specific on the terms of having her back which would mean you and your mom are in charge with the legal to make it stick. Good luck.
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If the daughter does not have mpoa or guardianship then no she cannot force her to leave her home, I would call the police if she tries, hope this helps, will keep you in my prayers
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