Adult daughter hates me, uses silence to hurt me, what should I do?

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She is 37,single mom, educated and working full time, we live together and currently right now due to finances living apart not feasible. I feel very controlled almost bullied by her, everything I do annoys her. She is angry right now and refuses to speak to me , which is so abusive and hurtful. I have tried , but she ignore my attempts, she never wants to clear the air and most times it just fades, I have tried therapy. This is so toxic, she admits , she has no respect for me, yet has no problem being financially dependent on me since forever.

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Is her child/children living with you also? Who cares for them while she works (or are they old enough to look after themselves). Are you living in your house or her apartment or what? Do either of you have any impairments that you need help with?

Perhaps you each need a roommate to make it financially, but it doesn't have to be each other. Seems to me it would be healthier to not live together.

Might you be eligible for subsidized senior housing?

Would she consider going with you to family therapy?

Sorry that I have more questions than answers, but the bottom line seems to me to stop living with someone who has no respect for you.
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If she is that miserable and you are too it's time to cut the cord. If it means you need to find a cheaper place than so be it. No one should have to live so unhappy and abused. Refuse to give in and keep letting her be dependent on you, apparently she thinks it's ok to treat you like this and still have her hand out. it's time for her to figure it out on her own.
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Slash the budget to the bare bones and separate. If your daughter doesn't respect you and you feel bullied, what in the world are you two still living together for? Toxic, demeaning, unhealthy, what ever word describes it, this relationship is hurting both of you. It needs to be fixed because at this rate your elder years are going to be a nightmare.
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Hi sadmom,
This may not be the best forum for your needs- though I think we should make everyone feel welcome- I just wonder if maybe there is a different forum that can better answer your question. Maybe one for older adults find themselves taking care of their adult children. I don't know if there is such a site but a Google search might help.
In the meantime maybe we can help you here. Can you answer some of the questions that some of the other posters asked to give us more of a background?
I know that my brother, though living on his own, is still very dependent on my Dad (dad does his taxes- my brother is in his mid 40's, takes his dog to the vet, pays his mortgage and than my brother pays him back...things like that). I asked my Dad what he thought would happen to my brother if he (my dad)were to die (he is 80) - I know - not a nice topic but I was curious- and he said "what do I care. I'll be dead." I thought that was so weird! I told him he is not doing my brother any favors by helping him and not letting him learn how to do these things by himself. He just kinda shrugged. BUT-see- you would think that my brother would be nice to my Dad as he does so much for him but he is NOT. He gets mad at him all the time. I think- no I know- my brother feels like he is a failure and cannot do these things for himself. He is afraid to. He has never had to figure it out and now he is afraid of failing. He is the only boy in our family. He was very spoiled. He is not a bad person he was just never taught how to be independent. In his heart he resents this but does not know how to change. It makes me sad. I do not know if this is how your daughter feels but maybe? One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the gift of independence if they are mentally and physically able. Good luck. God bless.
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This is just me, we can only control oursevles.My faith gets me through issues with my Elderly mom and sons. Love covers a multitude issues. It is not easy to take rejection, rudeness personally, (it does a number on me). Take care of you! Be Encouraged and guard your heart!! My sons have been the greatest joy and the greatest sorrow in my life... again this is just me, I ask God to take over, because I have no control over grown folk!
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I'm so sorry. Are you living in your daughter's house or vice versa?

When I was growing up, my grandmother lived with us- my parents and 7 kids for the last 20 years of her life. I found out many years later that my mother never wanted my gm to move in but felt guilty. My mother was passive and had very low self-esteem and my gm had a strong personality. They had very incompatible personalities. My hypercritical gm caused great stress and unhappiness for my mom. My mom felt she was never good enough-even as an adult, mother of 7 and in her own home.

Maybe you two just aren't compatible and living together has made your relationship toxic. One of you needs to move out. Maybe then you can both heal.
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She is 37 single, educated and working full time. I assume, she has no children. So why are you financially supporting her and why are you taking this disrespect from her? It is called enabling and I know so many good people out there who do this day in and day out. They are hurt, angry, upset, and abused by the conduct of a spoiled, entitled, adult "child". However, you are the enabler if you allow this to continue.

If I have missed something here and there is a real reason for you daughter to be the way she is or she is ill in someway, please let us know. Otherwise, she needs to move out.
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sadmom, thank you for posting this. I appreciate getting a view from the other side, since I can be guilty of some of the behaviors you describe. In my case it is often a response to large demands on my time. However, there are some days I am just grouchy. Your message reminded me that mistreatment can go both ways. I hope that you and your daughter can work out your differences. Has she told you why she doesn't respect you? That is an awful thing for a daughter to say. If you can't get a better relationship going, separating sounds like the best idea to me.
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I hate to ask, but was there something done in the past to make her feel annomosity towards you?
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Is public housing available in your area? If she is living in your home she needs to move out. If you are renting and public housing is available, you could both move to separate apartments. Maybe she feels guilty because she needs your help and this makes her angry.
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