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I am 35 and I am the sole caregiver for my 80 year old grandmother. She used to live alone and I took over her finances, house up keep and grocery shopping 8 years ago. 3 years ago, we sold her house and she moved in with my family (husband and 3 kids). Since she moved in, she has gone drastically down hill. Her medical conditions are severe osteoporosis, peripheral neuropathy, tremors, depression, frequent dizziness and falls and she just starting having pressure sores on her bottom. She can no longer do any ADLs independently except for eat by herself. I take her to all Dr appointments, handle all finances, manage and fill her medication organizer, prepare and serve at least 1, sometimes 2 meals a day and handle any emergency care (she falls often. Broke a hip and pelvis in the last 2 years). I had another baby last year (so 4 kids now) and I homeschool my 3 bigger kids. I am applying for a homecare for elders program in our state to get help. I am so exhausted. Part of me is hoping they recommend a nursing facility when they evaluate her. I am way beyond my capacity. I think I've accepted that I've done enough for her and the best, most loving thing is to send her somewhere where they have the capacity to care for her the way she needs.

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Absolutely it's time for her to go to one. You and she don't need homecare for elders, you both need for her to go to assisted living or a nursing home. As you said, she needs the fulltime care of health professionals in a safe setting designed for the elderly. And you need to not continue to exhaust yourself and burn yourself out, for the sake of your precious children. Don't just hope for a recommendation of a nursing facility; get one of her doctors to tell her it's time. Bless you for all you've done for her. You'll be doing the best for her going forward by getting her into an appropriate setting. Please let us know how it goes.
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Reply to MG8522
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Those sores need to be looked at by a doctor. Maybe even having a woundcare nurse yo vome in an dress them.

I agree, time to place Grandmom. I was caring for a 20 month old when I had to take my Mom in. I was 65 but it was like taking care of 2 toddlers. My daughter put grandson into daycare. I can't even imagine caring for 4 children and a grandparent too.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Murciaashley Feb 22, 2025
Thanks for the reply. We were able to get her into the wound clinic, so it is being managed by doctors.
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You do not have to wait for anyone to "recommend a nursing facility" as you can make that decision whenever you're ready. And yes you are more than ready.
But I guess if someone else recommends it you can blame it on them instead of you taking the blame huh?
Bottom line, your grandmother now needs WAY more help than just one person can provide, and it's your family that is suffering by keeping her in your house.
So I wish you well in finding the right facility for your grandmother, where you can get back to just being her loving granddaughter and advocate and not her overwhelmed, and burned out caregiver.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I would either have her assessed for hospice (which is covered by Medicare) and transition her into a good facility or have her assessed for LTC in a facility and apply for Medicaid, which she will most likely qualify for if her only income is SS and she is mostly bedridden, then this too would be 100% covered facility care.

You don't need to get her to agree to this. To minimize her stress, you can tell her a "therapeutic fib" which is she's going in temporarily for rehab or treatment, etc.

You've done yeoman's work for her for the last 8 years. Bless you for that. You and your family have priority. Caregiving has to happen on the caregiver's terms, and if it's causing other problems, like exhaustion and burnout, then it's time for a different solution, which is not you.

May you receive peace in your heart for whatever solution that works for you.
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