I'm just so drained! I have so much on my plate and I am feeling sicker than ever. But I am NOT allowed to be sick! I'm literally getting yelled like a kid when I was given pain medications and knocked out! My mom actually kept saying what are you giving your husband for dinner, I didn't respond because I was dozing off! So she yells why don't you answer me! My teen daughter got upset and told her because "my mom feels sick and needs to rest"! Her response was "she can't talk?" It's consistent things like this! How can I handle her? She treats my siblings who DO NOT LIVE with her (1 who lives nearby who hasn't bothered helping/visiting her in the 15 yrs she's lived with ME) she treats them like gold and tries to make ME cater to THEM! I AM NOT THE MAID! I AM HER DAUGHTER who has stopped everything to do what I thought was the right thing to do! Take care of HER! Please any advice? I literally cry daily! My chest hurts just praying daily that she is in a decent mood with me! My kids are sick of the way I am treated but they also get treated this way! Does her narcissism get tripled as shes older? Just venting! Let me vent.

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Vent away my dear - that’s what we’re here for. We’re in the same boat apart from the shouting. My grandad is passive aggressive instead. I totally empathise with you. My aunt lives an hour away and does nothing on her infrequent visits but I’m not allowed to criticise her. I’m starting to realise what it means to take care of yourself first. Without us to do all the stuff they need what would they do? I’ve started reminding grandad of this and it sort of works for a bit. You’re not on your own xxx
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Honey, vent all you want! You are under so much stress. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. I feel your pain. I went through my mom treating my brothers differently too. It hurts terribly.

At least my mom did apologize before she died and I do feel that it was a sincere apology. One of my brothers apologized too. The other one is indifferent. He has always been distant and has a few issues that he hasn’t dealt with.

It’s terrible that your mom treats your children the way she does. I am sure that it hurts you to see that because it’s hard on them.

What’s going on? I don’t want pry but why is mom living with you? Have you considered telling her that she can no longer live with you?

The very last thing I want to do is make you feel worse. I absolutely hated when I was devastated like you are now, if someone told me, “You chose this!” It is such a harsh and inconsiderate thing to say to someone who is hurting so badly. So, I really hope no one says that to you.

No one “chooses” to be mistreated. You’re a victim of her verbal abuse. It’s similar to a wife being abused by her husband and no one says to them, “You chose to be with an abusive husband.

I had my mom for 15 years too. I know how hard it is. My mom was good to my children and husband. I am grateful for that.

Fill us in a bit more so we can try to help you.

Wishing you peace during this stressful time.
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Have you ever told her to stop being so nasty?

You are an adult and it is okay to tell ANYONE that they need to stop being nasty and ugly. You can even tell her to not speak with you until she can be civil.

I know that we feel a loyalty to our narc parents, regardless of how they treat us, they trained from birth to get their ego strokes and undying loyalty from us. However, there comes a time when we must step back and implement boundaries or they will consume us in every way possible.

YOU MATTER AND DO NOT DESERVE to be treated like you don't.

Great big warm hug for all you do and what you are. She would be up a creek without you.
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I agree, you need to get Mom out of your house.
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Time to dig deep and decide why you believe that your health, your children and husband, and your sanity all can be trampled without making a change. Clearly, you’re beyond burned out, and a stressed out, burned out caregiver isn’t a good one. You’ve reached your limit, as you’re only human. We can only hope you’ll decide to change this misery and make a good life for your own family
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You've been in this same caregiving situation for quite a while now. I see that your first posts here were back in 2014. So in those years you've been given a good bit of advice. Did you follow any of it?

When will you be willing to make the necessary changes to improve your life? I don't think you really need advice, as you've gotten that over the years. You know what you have to do.

How can we encourage you to do what YOU need to do, which is to get your mother out of your house? That is really the only option to improve your situation, don't you see?
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