It’s been a very tough 9 months. We have a bit of a routine with grandma and our family. But I am starting to feel stressed and stifled with someone else in my home. I’ve worked so hard and was really looking forward to this next phase in my life without kiddos and having some fun with my husband. If I have a year goal to get her into another living situation how do I ease into it without hurting her feelings? How do I navigate finding a place? I feel guilty, but also annoyed her 3 children are so hands-off.
You ‘ease into it’ by saying it’s time to look for a new option, asking her what she has in mind, start taking her to see suitable places, and being more up-front about the impact this is having on you and the rest of your life. Start talking about the ‘trip of a lifetime’ that you and DH have been planning, and how you need to have her safe and happy to make that happen.
There is no easy way to do all this, and nothing comes without hurt feelings and difficult conversations. But it’s that or write off all the things you hoped for retirement!
Her children can handle it. They aren’t going to do anything as long as you continue to handle it. Write a letter to all of them giving your notice of no longer being her caregiver. State in the letter that they need to start making arrangements for grandma’s future care. You can make suggestions as, contact Council on Aging for an assessment or a social worker to help plan for permanent placement.
Best wishes to you and your grandma.
I suggest a family meeting with all three of her children and grandma. Tell them all you cannot keep up with this situation and new living arrangements need to be made. Let them know what you are willing to do but that living in your home is off the table and new living accommodations must be made within the next three months. She can move in with one of them or to AL. Do not back down with offers of additional help....we all know that will only last for a little bit if at all. Make it clear that this is more than you can handle physically and mentally and that you can no longer handle someone else living under your roof. You are no longer the long term solution.
As someone once said....if you are the solution there will be no other solutions.
Begin by looking at Board and Care for certain, often less expensive and more home like. If you are POA you can do this. But be honest. This is impossible to do without honesty. The mistake is often taking someone into your home. It is very difficult to lever them back out again, after that, and this difficulty will have to be faced honestly.