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I'm 61 and I have to take care of my 84 year old mom, a stroke victim with dementia one day per week. I always have to change her diaper. she moans and wails loudly the whole time and she curls up making it almost impossible to roll her off the diaper. It's a horrible experience and when I finally manage to wrestle a new diaper on there I'm so nervous and upset. I feel like I never want to do it again and I dread so much going down there. But I have to go down there. My younger brother lives there and he's her primary caregiver, he needs a break. Any suggestions on how to change a diaper by yourself while the person is fighting you?

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I use pullups with insert during the day. At night I find the ones with the tabs like a diaper and insert works best for my mom, but it sounds like you are using this type. We put her on her side and tuck the brief and then other side and tuck again then secure with tabs She does not want anyone waking her up in the middle of the night so she wiggles, kicks and holds her hands up, it was difficult with the pullups at night for us. This works for us very well, but everyone is different. It really is trial and error. We change and turn my mom every three hours during the night. Day time commode every two hours with about 3-4 changes in-between . The name brand is Prevail Nu-Fit Briefs with tabs for night time use, use a larger than normal size. My mom is about 118 lbs. and large is good for her. Depends during the day. Tip: If this method is ok with you, give her a hug, and cuddle with her for a few minutes, she should settle down and then try changing her. This works for us. Good luck.
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Reply to earlybird
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Does she understand what's going on while you're changing her?
Maybe try talking to her while you do it. Or if her dementia is severe, try singing to her - a favorite song that she used to sing, even twinkle twinkle just to see how she responds. There are multiple studies on the power of music calming dementia/ Alzheimer's patients. (Waking the Spirit by Andrew Schulman is a great book on the subject) If you feel uncomfortable singing, maybe put a CD or stream some music that you know she likes. Music surpasses our mental capacities and talks to our soul. With dementia, depending on severity, she's referring back to infancy and it's so hard to see a parent get like that when you've known them at their best. I feel for you. Good luck.
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Reply to JennaP
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It doesn't say what kind of diapers you are using, but it's been my experience that the Depends brand(which are the pull up kind) are much easier to put on and take off. When taking off you just need to rip the sides down and remove,and then to put on you just put her feet through and pull them up. If you're not already using them, I would certainly give them a try as they should make your life much easier. Bets wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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smpengwin Jun 24, 2020
They have both kinds of diapers down there. I've been using the ones with the straps but I'll try using the pull ups. Thanks
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One day a week? You just need more practice. I do it 3 times a day for my 88 year old wife with stage 6 vascular dementia. Definitely use the pull ups - a little larger than necessary and the strongest you can find (Certainty @Walgreens).
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Reply to erwash
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Can you stop by and watch your brother do it?
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Reply to FloridaDD
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You all are amazing . God bless you for all your helpful comments for her. Just have to pat yourself on the back for trying your best .
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Reply to Sunshinejello
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If your mom is in bed while you are trying to change her using a pull up type brief is going to be more difficult.
Is she on any medication to help with her anxiety? If so maybe make sure she has her medication prior to you having to change her. She will be a little more relaxed.
Talk to her and explain what you are doing.
Give her something to hold while you are changing her.
Maybe even a bit of a massage of her legs will help, after you are done removing one tab brief (I dislike the term "diaper" for an adult) and you are cleaning her and are applying a barrier cream a nice lotion for her legs might feel nice, it might relax her legs a bit.
If all that fails the one thing I learned while having to change my Husband is...it does not have to look pretty..as long as the goal is achieved that is all that matters. Make sure there is an absorbent pad under her and if the brief leaks that's not the end of the world.
The more you do this the less nervous you will be. I am sure she is picking up on your nervousness and that is making her uncomfortable.
Stress Less over this.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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In addition to others comments, try putting pads under her before you change her. Even if she needs to stay on the pads awhile to relax, she will be covered. A little "air time" is actually good for her bottom.
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Reply to Taarna
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Imho, place the diaper on the bed before (if possible) mom is on it.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Did you get it sorted out? I used to absolutely hate putting compression stockings on my uncooperative mother. I dreaded it. Going to her house, coaxing her out of bed to eat breakfast, toilet, feed the cat and then the stockings in time to load her in the car and take her to PT.

So I know the feeling. Keep your mind open to suggestions and techniques, you’ll figure what works and it will get better.
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Reply to GAinPA
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