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Ahmijoy hello to you and thank you for your story it helps to know we are not alone .......
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Ahmijoy Oct 2018
Hugs, Lorraine. We’re never alone in this forum. Have you researched ALL options for yourr mom and your aunt? Medicaid? I’ve done days and hours of researching. We’ve had people come to our home to see if we were qualified for any help. Sadly, not much for us and it makes me mad but not everyone is like us and there is help but you have to look for it. Peace to you! Be well, my friend. Come back and let us know how it’s going.
From your profile you have a lot on your plate and I think it has been suggested that Aunt should be elsewhere. You have to realize one person cannot take care of everyone.

My husband cannot visit in NHs or ALs. They are too depressing for him especially the NHs. I haven't promised him I will never place him in one but I have told him I'll care for him as long as I can. He is almost deaf and being among strangers would really depress him. Believe me, even health professionals don't deal well with deaf people.
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As caregivers, we need to give ourselves permission to say enough is enough. Whether it’s getting respite care and going off on our own for a while or putting our loved one in a facility, we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over the decision we have to make. We’ve had more than a few posts here lately from caregivers whose loved ones, mostly parents, have become uncontrollable and abusive, both verbally and physically. I suspect a lot of those posters made The Noble Promise to their loved ones to never put them into a facility. Most seniors today over the age of 70 or 80 (wrongly) view every single facility out there as dirty, depressing, dangerous and a place where everyone goes to die. They believe the facility hurries along that process as well.

I care for my husband 24/7/365 and have for 15 years. Even if he had ever, in 44 years treated me like I was important to him, he could never show enough appreciation for what I do for him. So, I guess we have to have realistic expectations.

I do know that when we feel constantly overwhelmed, it’s time to change things up. Be it therapy, respite or a facility, unless we are ok with donating our entire future to caregiving, we need to take charge of ourselves.
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Lorraine12 Oct 2018
Thank you for advice ...Im kinda between a rock and a hard place financial mom has No choices at all and Auntie not any different thats why we moved her out of the home she was in ....
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