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My husband cannot visit in NHs or ALs. They are too depressing for him especially the NHs. I haven't promised him I will never place him in one but I have told him I'll care for him as long as I can. He is almost deaf and being among strangers would really depress him. Believe me, even health professionals don't deal well with deaf people.
I care for my husband 24/7/365 and have for 15 years. Even if he had ever, in 44 years treated me like I was important to him, he could never show enough appreciation for what I do for him. So, I guess we have to have realistic expectations.
I do know that when we feel constantly overwhelmed, it’s time to change things up. Be it therapy, respite or a facility, unless we are ok with donating our entire future to caregiving, we need to take charge of ourselves.