I love my mom very much, but I don't really like her. If she really saw me for me, I know she would feel the same way. I think when she thinks of me, she assumes I'm a mirror of her. We have nothing in common, I try but she does not. I do 95% of the visiting and contact. She talks about herself 90% of the time. We live pretty far from each other. She is still young enough to visit and she can afford to do so. She has no interest. This is how its always been. She has been talking about me taking care of her for 20 years....since I was in college. I'm worn out already- and I have not even started yet! She has brought up her will and her care in almost every conversation we have had in the past 20 years.
She told me last winter that I should have started working earlier so I could retire and take care of her at 50 or so. I can't retire that early, nor do I want too! We have had a rough relationship since I was young. I'm in therapy trying to move forward. I have asked her several times to go also, she goes 2-3 times and stops. She has had a few awful things happen to her and she needs to go. This has affected her entire life. I doubt she will ever return. She says she does not need help, but she makes everyone around her miserable. She can be very unpleasant to be around. She has very strong beliefs about religion and politics. I'm not one to fight about those but she is. She told my husband that his father probably went to hell because he was Catholic. Or he found salvation on his deathbed. This is one of many things she has said that I find distasteful. I could make a list of stuff she has done.
I can't deal with her full time. I would not be healthy in body or mind. My marriage would suffer. I just cant! I have a feeling things will become worse over time. And she expects me to move to her 1000 miles away! I have been very clear that we would not move to her. I have also told her that when she is very ill that she could move in with us. She says she will never move in with us. It's my mom I would care for her, but I'm unwilling to turn my life upside down for her.....am I wrong? My brother passed away. So, its just me! Her house is paid for (although she has taken some money out) and she has money coming in each month. I just want to do what is right but I don't want to be miserable. I want her to be well taken care of.... Help!