We live a few blocks away. We have someone coming in to help her everyday for four hours. Last night about 8:30, she called us weeping, saying that she hadn’t eaten all day. (Trying to put some kind of guilt trip on us) She has lots of food in the house. Grocery shopping is done weekly. Come to find out, she had a sandwich late in the day and told her helper that she wasn’t hungry before she left. Lies and manipulation. I wouldn’t mind if she was authentic and just called and asked for help, but it makes me crazy when she starts with all of the drama and lies. She is a total narcissist and never asks about our lives, just one complaint after another. If she gets a clear bill of health for one thing, she dreams up another issue that has to be addressed. My husband takes care of her bills, house maintenance, taxes, tv problems, etc. and he has yet to hear a simple thank you for all that he does. After completing one thing, she goes right on to the next thing that she needs done. Her conversations are grating. If I say that my husband had something removed at the dermatologist, her reply will be, “oh, I have something on my arm that needs to be checked out.” She asked us to buy a bed for her, so we tried to find the best deal.. We spent many hours checking on our options, price, sales, meeting with sales-people, etc. After all of that, she casually said, “oh, I changed my mind....I’m going to hold off on that.” She is legally blind, but is mobile and very well taken care of. We used to offer to take her out to dinner, shopping, anything to get her out of the house, but she will always find some excuse why she can’t go, then she lays around complaining about everything. I know there are no answers to this problem, but I need to vent. I feel like I don’t even want to call her because she just complains and talks about minute health concerns that she should be talking to her doctor about. Thank you for letting me vent.

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I got to the point with my MIL that I stayed away. I let her son deal with her. Didn't visit unless hubby was with me. If I went alone she took something I said and turned it all around making me look like the bad guy.

My MIL had us looking for places up here. We went all over. My BIL was showing her nice Independent living places, those are old people. She was in her mid 80s. She stayed where she was. It took us two days by car to visit. A week was enough. (Trying to get my husband to move to Fla. Don't think so)

Vent all you want, I know where you are coming from. My SIL had a motto, she handled her parents my BIL handled his. So if M had a problem with our MIL my BIL talked to his Mom and visa versa. Your MIL wants to control if you don't allow it she can't.

Oh, my MIL told my BIL that she had breast cancer. My SIL called me asking why I hadn't told them. Because its not of her friends had breast cancer she was helping. It was MILs way of trying to get son to come home for Christmas. So MIL did what ur MIL does, took on other peoples illnesses. It really was a shame because u never knew what was true or made up. She could tell a lie and eventually think it was true. Its a sickness.
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I had a MIL who played her sons. I never heard any of them tell her no. She had a mental illness where she lied all the time. Mostly to get her out of something like babysitting her granddaughter. The only one who lived in the same town. She told my husbands Aunts that I wouldn't allow her to have my daughter. A lie and my husband called her on it. I think in the last year of her life, she passed at 91, Dementia was setting in. A UTI landed her in the hospital, rehab and then NH. When she was told she was being transferred to GA from FLA near a son to continue her rehab, she lost the will to live.

What I am trying to say, is this was a lifelong thing (been told she was like this as a child) how would you know she had Dementia. The only thing for us would have been she was all sugar with people who didn't know her. I was told by a dr. they can no longer cover up the meanness that was really their personality once they have Dementia.
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Does anyone go with her to her doctor's appointments? If not, it might be a good idea if they did, so they could let the doctor know what they are observing with her behavior. Sometimes, there are patterns and things that could indicate cognitive decline. I say this, because, what you are describing sounds very much like my LO before she was diagnosed with dementia. She had really frustrated me with some of the things she was saying and doing. She became secluded, lied like crazy, refused assistance and was very selfish and demanding. Healthcare workers even thought that she was lazy and spoiled, but, it was the dementia in the early days. Later, it progressed and there was no question. So, I'm not saying that's what it is, but, I would consider it and talk to her doctor, if possible. They might be able to do a mini mental eval in the office. The point of knowing for sure, is that you can assign the WHY behind her behavior. It's stressful and frustrating, but, once I knew the why, it was easier to handle and accept. I would consider that much of what she is saying may due to memory loss or lack of executive function.

I recall that my LO would go to her neighbors house and tell them that she didn't have any food and could they go and get her some food. This would happen 10 minutes after I had left from bringing her $100.00 worth of groceries,(fridge fully stocked) plus a chicken plate dinner with desert. And, she would have no memory of having told the neighbors anything. She didn't recall to open the fridge to look inside and if the food was covered with a lid, she didn't know to lift the lid to see what was inside. So, if the food was not visible, it didn't exist. I had to get her help immediately.

And, it could be some other explanation like an infection, vitamin deficiency, etc. that could explain some things.
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