How can I stop and take care of myself before I implode?

I feel your pain! Even with my soon to be 92 year old mother in assisted living, it doesn’t stop. She fights everything with them and they can not get her out of room to even eat meals. Her medical providers call me all day long, demanding that I take her to multiple doctor appointments per week, which I can’t do because of work. They would not assist with transports and I can’t physically move her around any more. I finally drew the line with her and made her switch to doctors with a medical facility incorporated into their system. The doctors work with my schedule for appointments and the facility transports her. It still does not cure the problem because I am still at the cracking point with the demands and guilt trips which interfere with my ability to make a living, but every little bit helps.

Are your parents still of sound mind? If so I would have a very frank discussion with them. My father was capable of doing things but would often say "It is easier if you just do it" and I would point out that it was not easier for ME in that case. It was more work.

Figure out what you CAN do and DO just that. Everything else they need to figure out. If they refuse to help themselves in certain areas then just let it go. Natural consequences. It is the same with children, they won't learn if you do everything for them. In this case you are doing everything for your parents so why should they be proactive?

My father would often call and demand I stop by after work for some trivial thing. I learned to not jump. Sorry I cant come after work on Monday, maybe I can be there on Thursday. Funny how the crisis always managed to work itself out by then.

Think f it this way....if you weren't around, what would they do?

Sunset I know what your going threw. I'm going threw something similar with my father. My mother passed a year ago and took care of everything. My father doesn't do good with finances and he's spending like there's no end. Now he wants a reverse mortgage. I just don't want him to lose everything. He's 80 and has had 2 strokes. So, we don't really want him to drive so my husband does all the driving for him. I might as well be an only child because my brother and sister don't do anything to help. They don't even speak to me since my mother has passed. I'm about ready to just walk away but I can't. Maybe we both can find some answers. Good Luck.

This is too big of a burden to place on you obviously. I do not understand why parents think they should always have it there way and not even think that their child has a life to live. I do think they have a very distorted view of the stress it places.
I see they have vision and mobility problems but not dementia. Do they drive at all?
You don’t say what their finances are but they either need to rely on help from people other than you, or move to senior living where there is transportation, activities and meals.
Believe it or not you have a right to a life without constant stress that is causing you personal and financial harm. You have the right to set boundaries and say to them what you can and cannot do. For some persons it is hard but it can be done. And once you feel like you have some control, you can move forward with a plan. Many parents say they won’t move, period. If that is their answer, then you say, "Based on your decision, I cannot do it all for you". That puts it back on them. You tell them transportation can be arranged, as can in home care as needed.
I will point out that it’s better to move when they are younger than older. You might arrange a day out to visit a place or two with them, have lunch and talk to the marketing director or senior living.
There are options....you just need to realize you are not the only option there is. And that NO is a complete sentence.

Sunset - you are burn out and can not keep doing this much longer. I know you recognize that hence the cry for help.

You need to have a different arrangement, either someone else to help with part of the caregiving, or someplace else where your parents can be cared for.

This has to be your goal or else you yourself will lose your health or your jobs or both.

Are they living with you? Can your parents afford to pay for a helper to come in a few hours a day, a few days a week?

Can you tell us what your parents' needs are? That way other members here can better help you.

Sunset, some times we need to to see the forest for the trees and realize we just cannot go on like this. I know it's not easy to step back, but there comes a time when we feel that our parent(s) will outlive us.

My parents [90's] were similar to your Mom and Step-Dad. Kinda on the border of still remaining in their own home, and one step away from senior living.

What has happen to you, and also to me was that we were enabling our parents to keep their lifestyle while we had to change our own. And my parents viewed me as someone still in their 20's and 30's with a ton of energy, not a senior who was wondering who was going to pick me up when I fell.

Oh in fact, one time I did fall and was out of commission for 6 months. So what did my folks do, they cancelled all their doctor appointments and other appointments and waited until I could drive again. Oh great, I was hoping they would get the hint. No way. Thank goodness for on-line groceries.

My fall did give an opening to start saying "no", but then the guilt trip was placed on me. What irked me big time was that my parents could afford to hire caregivers and taxi service. And afford to move to a really nice retirement village. Nope, never, nada.

So many times I would wish not to wake up in the mornings. Gee, wonder what my parents would do? "They would manage" [their stock answer].