How can I stop and take care of myself before I implode?

You must seek other options because you're already experiencing burnout. Find out why they haven't planned? And for what? And for how much? Finances? Health-proactive or reactive?

We are not alone. I´m an only child too, Last year my parents were literally driving me crazy. Their lives were a big caos. Both had difficult illness (cancer mom and dementia dad), they had almost no money, no house to live in, denial of their situation, etc, etc. I quit my job and started fixing their problems. I became depressed. I missed my husband and my children. I missed my life. It has been a year from that experience, I brought them into my home and hired a caregiver. Things have improved a little. But I know I will be needing more and more help as they age. I hope you find the best people to help you on this journey. It´s not possible doing it all alone.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I especially appreciate those who shared their similar experiences even though they had no answer themselves.

I've had such terrible experiences in the past when attempting to help my parents, that avoiding conflict has been part of how I've been able to cope. I've been appeasing their demands to keep the peace until realizing recently that their needs are increasing and it's just going to get harder going forward.

In the last week or two, I tried a new approach. I've finally been trying to calmly and firmly tell them that they aren't being realistic and that we need to make some changes and citing examples.

I said that I need their cooperation in order to help them. Each time I've seen them I've been stating specific things tried to explain, as simply as possible, without accusation, how they are not seeing reality.

I have pushed my mom to listen and haven't been letting her off the hook when she claims I am making her anxious and she "can't do this now".

I've been trying to ignore their antics when they act ridiculous.

I even asked my stepfather if he really thought I was just asking him to do simple things repeatedly (hundreds of times) just to annoy him. I tried to get him to understand that if he truly thought I had time or energy to just nag about silly things, that I had to question his mental capacity and to please try to understand the reality of the things that I am asking.

That was three days ago. I left without waiting for their reaction or response.

I've not spoken to them since. I'm feeling guilty. I've been trying to give myself a break and not worry. I'm nervous about what could happen next, but too tired to try to control whatever the outcome is.

Sunset - I'm so glad you decide to give yourself a break. It's much needed. If they haven't called you, then they are most like getting on OK without you. Take a long needed respite, and when you're ready to call or come back, be ready to set limits. Offer them only as much help as you can afford to give without compromising your health and job and risking car accidents.

We support you.

I can relate. My Mother is demanding and verbally abusive. She frequently is admitted to the hospital. She is discharhed home and cancels all home care. She has not showered since last November. She can afford to hire help also. She refuses to take the transportation offered her at her senior apartment. Instead she yells at us while driving and insists we drive her to FOUR separate stores just for groceries! She ran me so ragged that I almost started Drinking again (after being clean and sober a long time). I fell apart though and did have some sort of breakdown. I drew the line with Mom and she stopped speaking to me. My brother has taken over all of this (despite working 6 days a week) and he is now physically sick after only 2 months! My point is draw the line with your parents now! I'm sacred for you. I received help from this site, thank God. I'm glad I took advice and did not drink (I have pancreatitis so No more chances). I realize I don't really owe my Mother anything. Please, please take the good advice from those on aging care. I will say a prayer for you. Good luck.

Sunset, I can feel your pain. I’m in the same boat too, being the only child caring for my parent.

What helps me is exactly what you said was lacking — planning. I batch all errands and chores like groceries, cleaning, etc. so that they don’t take too much time. I also set boundaries. Elderly parents can be demanding, wanting to do things NOW. But if it’s not an emergency, stay firm with your schedule so that you can properly manage your time. Let them know when you would be available to do whatever it is they are demanding.

Take time out for at least an hour each week for some alone time. Even if it’s just hanging out in a coffee shop with a book. You need it for your sanity!