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I've been going through countless problems and situations with my Mother. Past and present. Most recently, my Mother had left her house in which she owns and has been living in. In the middle of this Covid-19 pandemic. She had left solely because we had gotten into a verbal arguement about her not wearing, and using PPE in the house. She's a registered nurse, and does private care. Mind you, I live there and so does my daughter, her granddaughter. In the middle of that arguement, my Mother had mentioned that a fellow colleague that works with her, had tested positive for Covid-19. So after that comment, I decide to call 911 & the police to have someone mediate the situation, and talk some sense into my Mother. I'm in shock and disbelief at this point, because my Mother will still put herself in danger to work, and others, including her own family. The police did show up, and they listened from my standpoint and my Mother's. They also encouraged that my Mother use PPE and use a side entrance, to prevent exposing us. My Mother refused, and decided to leave and go to her sister's house, my Aunt. She also fabricated and lied to my Aunt, that I kicked her out of her house. How would I kick my Mother out of her own house?? I simply said firmly "Can you please wear a mask and gloves, as you leave to & from your client's home?" I have a chronic illness known as Rheumatoid Arthritis, so I'm very susceptible, if I were to get sick. I also have a daughter, to take care of, and my Mother should know better, being that she is her Grandmother, and a nurse at that. I also found out later, that my Aunt kicked out my Mother, because she had told my Aunt she was returning to work. Long story short, my Mother found an apartment, and has been living there for a month. She's telling me now, I have to find a place to live, and she's going to sell the house. She's really lost her mind! How are you supposed to expect me to find a place, in the middle of a worldwide pandemic?? I also am not currently working at the time, and I'm fearful of risking my life to work, because I have a health problem. I really feel my Mother has severe underlying mental health issues, greater than before. In 2018, we had both went to therapy, and the therapist did diagnose her with hoarding, and persistent depressive disorder. But from my standpoint, it could be bipolar disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. I'm not sure, I just need help !! I need advice !! I'm sick of dealing with her b.s. !! She has put my family through soo much stress, anxiety, near death situations. Financially, mentally, physically !! I live in NY by the way. I really need to know laws, pertaining to my question, as well. What else can family members do, in these circumstances, for aging parents ?

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I live in NY also. Sounds to me you mother is competent. Hoarding and depression is a mental illness but she is still competent. She can live any way she wants to. I would advise you and your daughter to move out when this corona virus is over. My mother is 95 1/2 years old. She is a hoarder, gambling addict, suffers from depression and lives alone. I would never move in with her.
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You can search online in your area for a mediation and conciliation
expert. This is done privately. If your Mom went to therapy with you, she may agree to go.

However, you do need to stop trying to document what is wrong with your Mom, because there is something wrong with everyone.
imo.
It will appear your motivation is to discredit her in order to keep a roof over your head. You may have her best interests at heart, but it will not look that way. It seems to me you are maybe both taking care of each other.

Now, look around the hoarded house, see if it can physically be divided so your Mom can come home. You start packing your things, cleaning and organizing your own things. Do you have more than one bathroom?

Be calm. You can do this. Everything is on a delay.

The house might not sell in it's current condition anyway, so you both have time in your favor to resolve this dispute.
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This is a terrible time to have to deal with housing insecurity but If Mom is going to sell the house you need to make plans on your end. If you are not working and you have no real financial resources then you and your daughter might qualify for housing assistance. Call your local housing authority and see what they say.

Meanwhile, it's unlikely you have any grounds to have your Moms assessed or sectioned.
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One concern is there may be a nurse, an R.N. with a possible mental health problem, dangerous to others and herself.

And a threat of eviction (not happening) during the pandemic.
See an attorney.

And surprise that it needed to be dealt with by calling the police.

The protocol for her, after her being exposed to Covid-19 would have been to self-quarantine for 14 days. So you were correct Lily, to protect yourself and your daughter any way you could.
If the irrational decisions and your estrangement with your Mom continues without a solution, you may want to consider going to a shelter with your daughter, offering your Mother her home back.
The shelter can assist you to find housing and resources. View this as a domestic dispute between your Mom and you.

Be the one making sense, and first protect yourself and daughter.
This may be a time when you are unable to help your Mom. Give any concessions that you can if it is safe to do that. Unless you are paying rent, (can you offer to pay rent?), your Mom has every right to no longer want you in her home. Idea: Can you rent the apartment she has just rented, and switch homes?

Maybe you need a mediator, not the police. Dealing with Covid has a learning curve, everyone has been thrown a curve.

Hope this works out between you. Did your Mother want you out of her home before this?
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Mom who is the owner should do what most caregivers do and that is to strip down at the door and go take a shower. However you are in the wrong by calling the police in an over anxious move. You are her guest. Depression and hoarding do not qualify as a harmful mental illness. If you are not working then you should be helping in the home. You could be wiping down and sanitizing hot spots. If she does not self quarantine you can protect yourself by doing so and staying in your room. Why do you refuse to wear a mask and gloves but insist that only she does?
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I am confused as to how you feel you get to determine what Mum does in her own home?

Why are you living with her in the first place? If Mum is the only person in the home who is working it is unreasonable for you to ask her to stop working.

If you are concerned for your safety, then you need to take steps to protect yourself and your daughter.

It sounds like you are panicking and need reassurance that you are responsible for your own health, not your Mum.

If Mum wears gloves in her house, it will not reduce any exposure to you and your dd.

You say in your profile that you are providing care for your Mum yet she is the one who is working.
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My first thought is that your mother is trying, ineffectively, to evict you.

How to you all come to be living together?

It's clear that this is no longer working for any of you.
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