I live with my 72 year old mother and daughter but recently got remarried. My husband is building a brand new, one level apartment addition with his own money for my mother on the back of his house and I chose not to move with my husband until it is completed. He is very understanding that I don't want to leave my mother alone. She has some joint replacements and cannot walk too well. My mother hates me now and tells me I chose my husband over her because I am forcing her to move somewhere she doesn't want to into a smaller space. She doesn't want to move out of the home we have for 42 years in a failing neighborhood without even a downstairs bedroom or bathroom. She is so negative, everything I do is wrong. She makes terrible comments constantly and I feel so drained, guilty and unable to start my life. I am waiting to move and not even living with my husband for her and he is taking every last cent of his money for this addition for her! I dont know how to act anymore at home. I feel so drained and just feel like crying all the time. If I try to stand up to her she says its my husband's fault and he ruined our relationship and that I would never have talked to her in the past that way. I feel hopeless!

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Farmergirl - Your Mother doesn't hate you: you wouldn't be the loving, compassionate person you are if she hated you. Chances are, she's afraid: afraid of growing old, afraid of being alone, afraid of becoming helpless and basically, losing control. That's why she is trying to control you. If only she could understand that you are doing your best for her- sacrificing even to the point of staying with her until her room is finished! You are a wonderful daughter - keep your chin up! Take a stand and hold to it. Bless you precious one.
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Why are you and your new husband living apart while he builds an addition on to his own house at his own expense for your mother to move into while your mother treats you so horribly? I wonder why your mother is being treated like a queen yet is allowed to speak to you in such an ugly way?

I agree with the other poster in that a nursing home might be a better alternative for your mom. Not to punish her but so you can have your life back without her negativity and meanness. It will only get worse and regardless of how nice the addition to the house will be your mom will not be satisfied. Ever.
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Forgive me, but your Mother is being very selfish. This is not the way love behaves. Her only concern is for herself and her happiness. You, on the other hand, have found someone to love and make a future with. You also have a daughter that needs you. Your Mother is young by today's standards. She could live another 20 years or more. You have to take a stand and set boundaries with her or she is going to destroy you and your marriage. Are finances such that you could hire caregivers? This way she could stay in her home and you wouldn't have to listen to the abuse. And yes, this is abuse. You are doing all you can to care for her and instead of being grateful, she has badgered you into tears and depression! Oh, why do parents do this to their children!

You say your husband is building a Mother-in-law suite - how generous of him! He must love you very much. Now, you need to tell your Mother that you love her and you are doing all you can to care for her. Furthermore, if she doesn't change her attitude, you will have to make choices that are best for your daughter and husband. You don't mention any siblings, so I assume you don't have anyone to help you.

Dear precious young lady - you love your Mother and that's obvious, but she is robbing you of your happiness and if you don't take a stand, she will continue to make you miserable. I personally, would look into a nursing home for her. God give you strength.
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