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My step fathers wife has dementia. they are in AL. My brother & I watch over them.


We go to the dining room to eat, she orders a hot meal, every time she returns it because it is cold. The other night we took them to dinner, we all ordered the same thing, 3 of ours was hot, hers, she claims was not, so back to the kitchen it goes. She also said her hot water for tea wasn't hot, it was steaming, so the server brings another one, she just lets it sit, never pours it. The reheated food was brought back, red hot, she takes 2 bites and makes a face and then wants a 2 go box.


She also cleans out everything on the table that is not nailed down.


What is going on here? Drives my brother and I batty, the food is hot the first time it comes out.

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I just read an article that said "some memory impaired persons appear to lose their sense of hot and cold"............that could be what's happening with your stepmom Dolly, if this is something new she's doing..........?
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My mother did the ultra hot food routine. It was a grab for control and attention. I finally told her eat temperature served, fix her own food or call Meals on Wheels. She never said another word. She lived in fear of having Meals on Wheels.
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Oh brother. My demented mother has a huge fixation with BOILING hot food, always has. She insists that her coffee be served to her BOILING HOT, literally, which is beyond ridiculous. When she lived in her house with my father, she'd use a percolator to make coffee, which puts out red hot coffee to begin with. Then, she'd have my father pour her a mug and put it in the MICROWAVE for 1.5 minutes on high! It came out of there like LAVA, let me tell you. Then she'd slurp it slowly, and make these super disgusting noises as it scalded her lips and throat. I kid you not.

She chronically complains about her food not being hot enough, too. Same thing............please send this soup back to the kitchen and make it HOT. Yada yada yada. It's just an OCD habit of hers, I believe, designed to drive ME nuts. Who in their right mind likes to burn themselves when they eat or drink??

Anyway, I gave her a cockatiel bird for a gift one year. That bird would fly out of his cage every morning & walk around the kitchen table looking for food. One morning, he flew right into my mother's LAVA hot mug of coffee, burning ALL the skin off of his leg! He almost died. They had to rush him to the vet who prescribed an antibiotic that my dad had to give him 2x a day by SYRINGE!!! He did live thru the incident, and yes, mother still put her coffee in the effing microwave afterwards.

Nowadays in Memory Care, she still insists on BOILING HOT coffee and the care givers laugh it off. They are not about to give her ANOTHER reason to hurt herself. She has plenty of ways to do that as it is, thank you.

If the neurologist sheds any light on this odd behavior, do let me know.....LOL
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I wonder if this isn’t a grab for attention?
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lealonnie1 Oct 2019
Uh, yeah............everything my mother says & does is a 'grab for attention' so I would not be one bit surprised if her Hot Food & Drink Fetish is just another.
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I agree with cwille. She could easily burn herself badly. I just heard a report on esophagus damage. It can be damaged by drinking or eating something that is too hot and the damage cannot be reversed. It can even lead to cancer. So do not allow food or drinks to be scorching hot.

Her behavior is odd. Have you discussed this with her doctor? That is the first thing I would do.

Others here will give you information. Best wishes to you and your family.
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Thank you, we are seeing her doctor next week and finally getting an appointment with a new neurologist, been waiting over a month.
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This sounds like a lady where my sister used to work, she drove the kitchen batty asking that everything be reheated. Finally a nurse put a stop to the attempts to please her stating that she had either lost the sensation or the ability to recognise it and she could easily burn herself on food that was too hot.
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