Hi All, I posted here many years ago. My mom who is now 87 has lived with me and my family for 17 years now. She’s lived with us because, well, there is little other family, she doesn’t drive, and it’s mostly for companionship and convenience since I drive her everywhere and I write her bills. English is her second language. It’s been hard and I am getting really burned out.
With covid, things have gotten even worse because she’s even more bored than usual. We purchased a home big enough so she has her own space but she comes into our space at least three times a day and I am so stressed. Because it’s constant having to entertain her.
Imagine a neighbor stopping over three times a day everyday. One who’s bored and looking for company. That’s my life right now.
She doesn’t like to read or knit or do any solitary hobbies. She likes to cook but no one to feed. Mold grows on things in her fridge so no ones wants to eat her food.
This is going to sound bad but I’m sad to say I do not enjoy her company. She repeats stories constantly, she’s very bossy, and she’s an energy vampire. Talks about people, constant complaining, a real downer.
I have hinted that she should look into senior living to be be near people her own age but she’ll say “well if you want me to move”...I have lived my life out of guilt and the decision to have her live with us came with many challenges, regrets, and bitterness/resentment on my part. One decision that had some big and long lasting consequences
Maybe this is just life and I need to suck it up as I have been for 17 year!!! Tell me so?
Just venting -I know people have it a lot worse but when some friends complain about work or this or that I feel like I’d trade them in a minute because I’ve been so limited and I’d LOVE my freedom.
If I worked outside the home she’d be bouncing against the walls and be unbearable to deal with.
I'll be sad when she passes but it’s not a good feeling to constantly wonder when this will be over and if I’ll ever be free. I find myself wondering how many years of my life I’ll get to be free if this ball and chain situation lasts 10 more years (because she was very overprotective when I was young as well)....
Any tips for coping? I am grateful for a good life otherwise But just so burned out from being around someone that I frankly don’t want to always be around it’s torturous! And sadly when she’s gone I will remember the rise and not the thorns as they say.
Help?? Perspective? Strategies to listen to complaining and same stories a million times?? Funny if this were my mother in law it wouldn’t bother me a bit but with my own mom drives me crazy maybe because of the length of time.
I tried counseling and she really didn’t help just told me to get my mom out a few days a week which isn’t an option anymore.
I feel like I'm spiraling