This is both a question and a rant.
I thought I had a good relationship with the Manager of the Care Agency that supports both my BIL & myself.
I'm currently helping to form fill with my BIL and a person from our local council to see if he's entitled to further benefit. I am always very open with BIL about information I am sharing with him if I can be.
Now I have expressed private concerns to Manager of CA that BIL is not eating (he's lost 1 stone in 7 months), changing his clothes, washing, going out and that he has let me know of falls and incontinence issues.
I've also reminded Manager of CA that BIL needs to see GP with regard to further memory tests as there are things missing from medical notes that are vital to future assessment. This I have reminded BIL off.
I spoke to BIL briefly on Mon, but not yesterday as my dog was rehomed and I'm recovering from Norovirus. Checked in as usual today, nothing unusual other that carer had been early.
Then got this from Care Manager:
" Hi Lucy
I met with *** yesterday and discussed his care needs with him, I also shared recent observations.
I was delicate in my delivery I promise.
We talked about information sharing and how much information *** wanted me to share with other parties including yourself.
*** would like additional control over his care. He has requested that information is confidential to him. He has requested that his brother now becomes his NOK.
I spoke openly regarding the concerns for his safety and wellbeing but *** feels that he is in control of his situation. We spoke about social Services and what information to share with them. *** was happy for me to be the lead in his care and sharing relevant information with SS.
We will continue to monitor closely. The team are aware of *** wishes for a more confidential style of service provision.
I know this must be difficult for you as you have been keeping an eye for many years. However I do have to respect his wishes.
This has come from absolutely nowhere! His brother has zero contact and wants it that way, so being told his now NOK will be fun (oh, to be a fly on that wall :~)
I really don't care whether I'm NOK or not, what I do care about that we are talking about an individual who can absolutely declare that he washes, eats ext, and that he is capable of making all his own decisions.
It took 4+ months to persuade him to get his dentures fixed so he could eat.
His cats are fed/watered but he does not clean their litter tray and so they go wherever in the flat as they try to find clean areas.
He lives on his settee which includes sleeping on average 20/24 hours, he is an alcoholic and has been since age 14, now 64. Smokes grass when he has the money for it.
When I asked him what the email was about, he said "I told you not to crowd me" I reminded him that given my recent illness we've had little contact and was told to pi*s off which I've done.
I firmly believe that the Manager of CA has said something that has led my BIL to believe I've overstepped a boundary, though I've no idea what and conveniently the email was sent 10 mins before office closed for the day!
My BIL is a stubborn man who is never wrong and can't back down.
So I'm worried sick because I am and have been for years the only one looking out for him. He knows this full well, but now he's punishing me for whatever it is he thinks I've done.
I'm also furious with Manager that all this has happened.
I've left a message asking BIL's brother 'A' to call me.
Right now this really is the last thing I need. If I wash my hands of this whole situation then I know BIL will not get the care he needs now or for the future. His end of days wishes will not be met, my other BIL 'A' is not going to put himself out.
After death of Mum 5 years ago, BIL 'A' took care of younger brother, twin to my BIL who had schizophrenia (due to family dynamics my BIL was never checked, hence alcohol issues. He's been self medicating all his life.) in Dec the twin was buried and BIL 'A' made it very clear that apart from sorting out the estate that was his duty done and dusted.
My BIL only got a Birthday card because the funeral was that day!
Barely acknowledged at the funeral and no Christmas wishes.
I wish blood was thicker than water then I wouldn't be so hurt by all this.
Thanks folks for letting me rant.