He refuses to go to an assisted living care. He is incapable of living alone and has fallen down and laid on the floor for 3 hrs. before calling for help. He also is incapable of taking his medication on his own.
I had a similar situation as Navygirl76. My father had a car accident, fortunately no one was hurt. After he was admitted to the hospital the doctor said he could no longer drive or live alone. We used a service called "A Place for Mom," and had him in an assisted-living facility within two weeks. If he falls again, call 911. Consult his primary care physician in the meantime. He/She may be able to give you some advice.If you have a health care power-of-attorney in place, that is all the better.
In addition to some of the other safety suggestions, you could also put a wheelchair or even a power chair in the home for him to use. A manual chair will probably be safer for him. You can't fall down when you're sitting in a wheelchair! Another thing I thought of is maybe getting him a side rail bed cane that attaches to the bed. That will help give him stability getting in and out of bed. If you haven't already done so, perhaps you may get him a walk-in tub. Another idea is maybe modifying the shower so that he don't have a step up into the shower or a step over lip that can be a tripping hazard. I'm not sure exactly what his situation is that's causing him to fall, but another thing to look at is the shoes he's wearing around the house, because I might actually be too loose or even open heels. You may also check to see if there are any loose carpet edges or trim as well as any cords he may fall over. Another thing to look for is floor fans that sit about knee-high. Yes, some floor fans you may overlook and fall right over them. I did this once, and it was the only time I ever fell over that fan. I had to relocate it for my safety, but it could've been far worse. You really don't want to have something like that sitting in your high-traffic path where you walk a lot. Always try to put these items in a low traffic area.
Have you ever thought of installing a nanny cam to see exactly why he's falling after eliminating all safety hazards? This would be my next step
The obvious alternative to AL is probably a fulltime caretaker. That of course depends on both the financial realities and finding the right person--they are out there, but not always easy to find, and assumes that the patient gets along with them. (My MIL loved the lady who came in days when she was with us and we were working.)
Will your FIL listen to his doctor? My Dad took the Dr.'s word like God's. Maybe you could have a word with his doc first, stating your concerns, then make an appointment. If you want and need help and your FIL is resisting, maybe if his Doc recommends it he'll be more open to suggestions.
We've been through all this and sorry how this sounds, but the only way we could get our 92 year old dad out of his house was to wait until he fell, call 911 for an ambulance and then he's in the system. One week in the hospital, 2 months in rehab and then off to assisted living. That was the only way we could do it. Good luck.
It's a tough one. We've been through a similar situation with both my dad and aunt, not wanting to go to AL. At first we got in a social worker to help during the day and some nights for my dad. It can be taxing and pricey too. We asked him to try it out for a month to which he reluctantly agreed and he is still there. My aunt is also in AL now, after she took ill and had no one to care for her. The guilt never goes away, but it was the best choice for us.
As mentioned above, please continue to describe the family dynamics. In order to get some good suggestions it would be helpful to know where is the son? Is the son willing at this point? Who has authority to make decisions? My question would be...what do you want the son to do?
Is he incapable of living alone or taking his medications because of some mental issue? Does he remember to do it or just refuse because he doesn't want to take it? I would first determine his mental competency. Does he lack the judgment to run his own household or look after his own needs?
If he is competent, you are limited in taking charge immediately. If he is not competent, does he have a Durable Power of Attorney or Healthcare POA? If not, then you may have to seek help perhaps through his doctor, adult protective services or by filing or Guardianship with the courts. A consult with an Elder care attorney would help in providing you with what you need to start legal proceedings.
First, your profile states that you're caring for your father, living at home. Are you seeking to involve your brother in your father's care, or to switch your father's residence with you to your brother's home? Or are you asking how your brother can help with your father in your home?
Or is the son your husband? It's not clear what the family situation is.
You'll need to beef up security at home with installation of grab bars, use of a medic alert pendant, lockbox outside the front door, code to the lockbox available to both you, your brother and emergency responders.
Get rid of throw rugs and other slip hazards; clear unobstructed pathways in the house. If he's not using a walker or rollator, take him to see his orthopedic doctor and get a script, then go to a DME store and select one for use in home and outside.
Begin reviewing information of home care providers, contact them, interview them, decide on one and bring home care in for the times you're not available.
If your father's living with you, prepare a list of meds for emergency responders, take over the medication management and work with hired caregivers to ensure that your FIL gets his meds as needed.
It would help if you explain what relationship the son is to you and your father living in your home, i.e., whether he's your brother, husband, etc. And do both of you work outside the home during the day? Is the father alone at night?
Have you ever thought of installing a nanny cam to see exactly why he's falling after eliminating all safety hazards? This would be my next step
In order to get some good suggestions it would be helpful to know where is the son? Is the son willing at this point? Who has authority to make decisions?
My question would be...what do you want the son to do?
If he is competent, you are limited in taking charge immediately. If he is not competent, does he have a Durable Power of Attorney or Healthcare POA? If not, then you may have to seek help perhaps through his doctor, adult protective services or by filing or Guardianship with the courts. A consult with an Elder care attorney would help in providing you with what you need to start legal proceedings.
Or is the son your husband? It's not clear what the family situation is.
You'll need to beef up security at home with installation of grab bars, use of a medic alert pendant, lockbox outside the front door, code to the lockbox available to both you, your brother and emergency responders.
Get rid of throw rugs and other slip hazards; clear unobstructed pathways in the house. If he's not using a walker or rollator, take him to see his orthopedic doctor and get a script, then go to a DME store and select one for use in home and outside.
Begin reviewing information of home care providers, contact them, interview them, decide on one and bring home care in for the times you're not available.
If your father's living with you, prepare a list of meds for emergency responders, take over the medication management and work with hired caregivers to ensure that your FIL gets his meds as needed.
It would help if you explain what relationship the son is to you and your father living in your home, i.e., whether he's your brother, husband, etc. And do both of you work outside the home during the day? Is the father alone at night?