My wife has moderate dementia and is still home and I am the caregiver. She has numerous healthcare issues (long-term type 1 diabetes, uses a walker and wheelchair, can't drive, incontinence, and the more typical memory/decision-making/dementia issues.) She's recently started hallucinating too. Many doctors are involved. We've procrastinated some but are finally getting around to redoing wills, POA, and HCP documents. We've both been married before and have children from those marriages. The issue is this. One of her sons is extremely critical of me and my care of his mother, even though he has never lift a finger to assist. (FYI, her doctors are very pleased with what I do.) For the new legal documents, my wife feels she owes it to the criticizing son to have him list as the alternate authority (after me) on documents. If the two of us should pass at the same time, such as in an accident, I know we would be leaving a mess for the heirs. My solution is to select a trusted mutual friend (non-family member) for the role. We meet with an elder affairs attorney in a week. Any other suggestions?