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Family members are in denial. My Dad had dementia and has had 2 strokes, before he left the hospital Dr.s told him in March he should go to assisted living, Family that do not live around here agree with Dad and becasue he says he does not want to go they blame me for trying to push him or make him go. He has started 2 fires outside, left the stove on and went outside to mow, got lsot when driving, is spending money terrible now not in a good financial situation, ( sister only sees that part as a concern) Puts frozen food in cubard, I throw it away and get acussed of taaking the food home, I have tried everything, social workers, senior linkage,ect. Dad says as long as I have you I will be fine, i have tried to stay away for a few days but he calls me at work or my cell phone and is all ancious and wants me there. One time home nusrse tha comes once a week to do meds was not even shceduled to be there and he called 911 looking for nurse. How do you convience family and parent. I find my self as other caregivers totally drained yet I do not want to make him feel bad. Sometimes when I go and he is all worries and scared I will say Dad this has got to stop, it is not good for you, you need to go somewhere you are safe and have people around. He will say yes, I know that and will agree with me. We looked at 2 places then he talked to family and said I don't know if I want to go then they will say then don't. I'm bask tosquare one. My sister and I both have POA and she is just now bringing that to Dr. appt. and wanting to be in control. I have taken my Dad to all appt. to the last 10 years now she wants to be in control but 2 hours away. Anyone have suggestions?

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I would call up his doctor and ask for help in getting a social worker to evaluate his ability to live on his own. Sis wants to be in charge? Step aside and let her! Let her find out what his needs are firsthand. It's the only way, to let someone walk a mile or two in your shoes.

Elderly parents acting badly or unsafely sometimes cause siblings to rally around each other and the parent, but just as often, it seems, it causes long buried sibling rivalries to surface. "Be in control"--No one is in control here except the disease.

Dad CLEARLY can't live safely on his own any longer. If he's calling up 911, your local officials will get involved pretty quickly. You might want to call them yourself, to see what help is available.
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Who is primary on the POA, you or your sister?
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Who are the other family members, besides the sister who has joint POA? Your siblings? Dad's siblings? Cousins? Who is he talking to?

It may be a very good thing for POA Sis to get involved. If she hears directly from the doctor and also has more contact with Dad she may see for herself the need to convince Dad to move. It would be ideal if the two of you could be on the same page about what is best for Dad.

I also suggest that you document your safety concerns, listing things Dad has done that concern you, and give this list to the doctor. He or she may take a firmer stand about Dad needing 24 hour supervision.
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Drs told him to move to assisted living...that is not the same as saying with written documentation, that he is incapacitated. A dr who decides that a patient can no longer live alone safely has to report it to Adult Protective Services (APS) here in California. I would think it is the same in all states but you would need to research that for your state. Sibs for some reason or another will choice to side with the ailing parent...most often it is because they are still looking for their parents approval, other reasons are... they don't what to accept mom or dad is declining, or they just don't want to be involved. Don't forget that inheritance plays a big role too. Sibs don't want mom or dad placed in a facility because they don't want their inheritance spent on this care especially if one sib is willing to move in with the parent or bring them into their home and devote all their time to caregiving so their inheritance is secured.
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