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He is verbally abusive and self centered. Dad is 87, has dementia, congestive heart failure, ankloysing spondelitis amongst other maladies. When things don't go his way, he gets upset, makes smart aleck remarks to me. It's like a little kid throwing a tantrum, except he can't stamp his foot on the ground. He thinks I am here to serve him, not help with his daily life. He is nice as can be to nurses, doctors, my siblings, ( who do not help at all,) phony as all get out. He smarted off this morning right out the gate because he thinks I was making him go to the senior center (which he hates.) I just walked back to my room, away from the negativity. My caregiving would be so much easier mentally if he were not so negative, it is a mental hell. Does anybody else experience the Jekyll and Hyde personality???

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He wants control any way he can get it. It's a bixxx getting old and having to rely on others, so he will push all your buttons. As soon as you get mad, he won the round. Convince him all the good ideas are his.
MD's will always tell them they are just fine. They buy in to reassurance, they think they won a round. It's called "showtiming" and it is very common.
The MD also sees you had to bring him and looks for signs of decline. So the MD says "you look great. I'll see you next month" Now if pops really was fine the MD would see him next YEAR. Read between the lines.
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My dad used to get that way. They're frustrated and well, the person who is closest to them usually gets the brunt of the madness, unfortunately. Try to not take anything personal. You're his punching bag. Is it right? No. But he's frustrated and needs to vent. What I did --- I gave him "tough love" --- gave it right back to him, however --- not to confuse that with verbal attacks. I would make wisecracks right back or even do a reverse psychology and whenever he'd say something mean, I would say, "What was that? You love me? Awwww….."

Just try to hang in there. He's testing you. Maybe he's testing you more and more because you're too nice and tolerant?

Show authority.

I hope things are okay. It's very disheartening to be treated poorly when you're doing so much.
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