Should I leave my 20 year boyfriend to take care of my parents in WVA? I am the only one. - AgingCare.com

Should I leave my 20 year boyfriend to take care of my parents in WVA? I am the only one.

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I have been with this guy for 20 years no hope for marriage yet I do love him but I am an only child and my parents need me to move with them to West Virignia to live with them . I also have fibromylgia and am 42 years old so I have to make up my mind soon . I have no money and if we break up I am on the streets. So it is a messed up situation. I love my parents and helping them please do not think I am selfish. thank you. judy

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and believe me its a lonley life helping people who dont appreciate it or want it.even though they need it .it is a struggle every moment of the day . dont expect a thank you!
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20 years ummmm ...would he move with you? why is it him or them. after that long i think you both should decide how to handle it . did you discuss this with him? also after 20 years you must have some assets? please stay in the conversation we will try to help you
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No. Do not go. Your folks need to make their own plans and they will not, with you there. Also, it is possible that your folks could outlive you. If they ask you say "I couldn't possibly do that."
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Judy, you need to work on YOU! You need to figure out a way so that you are not dependent upon your boyfriend deciding to toss you to the curb, which always leads to poor choices. Can you work? Maybe a temp agency, where you could work when you're feeling strong?
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Judy I wish you could work on some solutions so you're not in a position to be "out on the street" if your boyfriend tires of you. Do you have friends? Do you work?

You need to build a life independent of your boyfriend so you're not dependent on either your boyfriend or your parents for your food and shelter. That kind of dependency often means you'll make bad decisions because you feel you have no options. And how old are your parents? If you're only in your 40s, your parents must be pretty young...in their 60s or 70s? They could be around for another 20-30 years. My mom is 94, just to give you an idea of what you might be looking at. It's time to really put together a life plan for YOURSELF about what you're doing in the coming years.
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thank you. What I ment is that if my boyfriend tires of me I will be homeless or I could go live with my parents you are right sorry about that. You have helped me out a lot . I still need to ask my boyfriend if he can help me when my health weakens because his mother is in the same shae as my parents. Yes it sounds bad but please believe me I am cheerful. I do not mean to sound pathetic. God Bless you all for taking the time out to help me.
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No.

What specific cares would you provide for them? Cooking? Try meals on wheels. Managing their pills? Ask their doctor to order a visiting nurse. Help with bathing? There are aides that do that.

Given your own health situation I think it far better for you to look after them from a distance, advocate for them via telephone and letter, and see that their needs are met without totally disrupting your own life.
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I have a 15-year boyfriend. I wouldn't leave him for nuttin' honey. ;) (And wealso will never marry. I'm 67, he's 68.) Don't destroy your life to care for your parents. There are other ways.

Now. I'm reading between the lines here, but I don't sense your relationship is that strong right now to begin with . . . who would leave the love of their life to move in with their parents for ANY reason? They'd take him with -- or they wouldn't go.

At any rate, right-or-wrong that I am, you have your own health issues. Your going with them will stop them from getting professional help -- that may be available at little or no cost.

Since you say you'd be moving "with them," if it's that important to them? They can stay right where they are -- which, I assume, is close to you.
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Judy, according to your profile your Dad has mobility problems.... would you be able to help him physically move around being you have fibromyalgia? That would be very difficult to do. You probably wouldn't be able to pick your Dad up if he fell. I would suggest your parents bring in a paid Caregiver to help them around the house.

I am confused by the sentence "if we break up I am on the streets". Wouldn't you be living with your parents?
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NO do not go there. You watch over your parents. You call Social Service if that is needed. You do not throw your life away. You do not throw him away. This is why there is Medicaid, to keep from destroying the children's lives.
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